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Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social ⋅ 14hDavid M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 8d
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Hunter S Schafer @bolt451.bsky.social ⋅ 4d
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(he/him)
⚧
“I mean why would ‘accidentally’ sitting on it not count”
Oh lord, Liz was spot on with her joke about soaking many many strips ago. XD
Dotty proceeds to put all the funnest, most juice-inducing stuff at the top, just for funsies.
OR because she’s secretly desperately horny, we can’t tell
Her parents took her to many churches before they found the right one
I’m gonna take this to a bit of a dark place in the interests of a factoid about legal minutiae in England and Wales. It’s probably not worth it and may be disturbing to consider for some.
So there is such a thing in the law as strict liability offences, those being crimes that can be committed without knowing you are committing them. They’re rare because we like to think you can only be convicted of crimes you knew you were committing.
Now, back when I did my law degree it was the law that sex with a minor was a crime unless you could reasonably have believed they were not a minor. This changes when the minor is under 13, at which point it if you were to fall naked out of a window onto a 12 year old’s genitalia (who happens to be napping in the nude under your window) then you have committed a crime and doing it accidentally very much counts where it wouldn’t have for a 14 year old.
Not sure who that helps but I’ve written it now
Dorothy: Your list of sex acts includes “The Mashed Potato”? “The Pony”? “The Locomotion?” Joyce, are some of these dance crazes from the 1960s?
Joyce: Drat. I asked an AI to write it so it would extra not be me who’s the pervert. I shouldn’t have used the phrase “no pants dance” in my prompt.
Another failure of Chatgpt!
I swear the next student I see using ChatGDP metaAI or any of that AI shit for somethin like this, imma ask it to figure out how to get itself outlawed, and you know the shills better be PRAYING on the 10% chance it freaks out and tells me that would require nothing more than an actual pork barrel (-_-)
It did its best. It tried REALLY hard.
and probably produced orders of magnitude more carbon dioxide from power consumption than would have occurred if Joyce had just used her own earthling brainsack
“The Roger Rabbit”? “The Cabbage Patch?”
Did Coach Z write this list?
Why is this entry called “The Dancing Brothers”, and why does it just go “Oh, gonna have a good time tonight, gonna have a gooood time tonight…”
Hawk tor and sport on that thorng!
Roz: All conscious activities are on the Smexy Spectrum, since the mind is an erogenous zone – Discuss
“Mambo…juke…jazz. Wow, someone really likes dancing!”
At least now she’ll know how to really do the Cool Jerk.
Joe may not appreciate the Twist, however.
+1
bypassing your sunday school chains and helpin scratch Dorothy’s autistic itches too!
well played Joyce ^^
Just gals being pals and scratching each other’s itches.
And they will be roommates.
Accept your role as master of Joyce’s sexuality, Dorothy! It is what you were always meant to do! You are the chosen one!
And unlike most choose you don’t gotta put yourself in mortal danger!
Dorothy: “Oh, Jeez, you forgot one. It’s called ‘practicing with your best friend.’ Oh well, can’t be helped. Guess we’ll have to put that one at – the – Top.”
They already tried that. It was a whole thing. BTW, my finger slipped and I accidentally hit the report comment button on you, which apparently has a hair trigger. So sorry about that.
It compensates for being really easy to report someone by requiring several reports before it flags the comment for review by a human, don’t worry too much about it
> BTW, my finger slipped and I accidentally hit the
Yes. YES?!
> report comment button
Oh. That’s not nearly as fun.
Dotty’s in Charge of our days and our nights
Dotty’s in Charge of our wrongs and our rights
And I sing, I want, I want Dotty in Charge of me.
Why did my brain keep adding whip cracks to that?
Mine didn’t, but it shoulda!
This is somehow gayer that if they actually had sex with each other.
This looks like a list that Joyce didn’t find online, but made herself.
Somehow I see a storyline where they’re sitting together, the leftovers of Dina’s hooch sitting between them, and Dorothy stumped at some of the weirder ones.
“Jazz shirt? What is jazz shirt?”
“You know…it’s when a guy takes his hands and… you know…”
“I do not know what jazz shirt is.”
“It’s just… you know… he puts his hands on your shirt, and… “ *jazz hands*
“Joyce. Joyce. You CANNOT be serious. That is not a thing.”
“It is too a thing! Here, lean back and I’ll show you.”
It took me two reads before I realized hooch is booze and not pussy. MASSIVE change of meaning.
hooch, not cooch
“Joyce, this is just hand bra.”
“No it’s not! My hands are on top of that. This is jazz shirt!”
kinda reminds me of the 30 rock/liz lemon ep where she got more turned on by ‘scheduling/organization’ her sex schedule/timing than the actual act itself lol
Excel in the (spread) sheets!
the most smexy thing of all: organization
i mean. she is talking to Dorothy
Dorthoy would be ashamed of you.
Every prioritization nerd knows that the sexiest thing on any list of sexy things is supposed to be consent, with whatever you want following, because without consent, any action’s sexiness only has the sexiness approval of one party, and is therefore has its sexiness cut by half or more. Therefore, when someone is obsessed with prioritizing, the sexiness of even a purely a subjective prioritizing list should explicitly come second in said subjective prioritizing list, because the other person should always come first in sexytimes.
okay so Joyce does know what soaking is, even if she didn’t actually call it that
The question is who’s she gonna get to jump on the bed?
I mean. Dorothy.
… I actually knew a girl who did that. “Soaking”.
The hoops people will go through to have bad sex specifically to convince themselves they haven’t had sex at all are astounding.
No, no, there’s a rule written down somewhere. It doesn’t count if it’s *really bad sex.* And if it’s bad enough, it even starts counting negative, and you can get promoted to super-virgin.
That must be one of Clay Puppington’s lost commandments.
It’s like how you can get so sober that you slip into being knurd, if you have enough negative sex you end up an erohw
Liz knows, wonder if she told her about it lol
It’s impossible to comprehend the sheer depths of autism that are being displayed in this comic.
…God dammit I can’t refute that. Yeah, this is peak Autism, and even my Autistic rear can’t deny that
i was gonna say that too
Autism has peaked with this.
then again, making a Yes, No, Maybe list by yourself and with a partner ist a super good way to negotiate sex! <3 The allistic ways aren't always better.
This make me fell like a autism noob. I could never hope to reach the pro levels of autism these two are packing.
Same, though
The kinda thing that made me go “autistic, moi? Naw, I’m terrible at lists” for decades, like a fool.
It’s just, these two are masters of the craft.
Next arc/book title 8D:
Dumbing of Age Book 15: Pretending to Accidentally Sit on a Ding-Dong and Not Moving Around ‘Cause That Way it Doesn’t Count
I feel called out… my partner and I are both autistic (didn’t know it at the time), and one of the first things we did was make a list of all the things we wanted to do to each other…. and that was… hot.
It seem’s like Joyce’s kink is surrendering agency. She just needs to be tied up and gagged so she can’t make any more active decisions or selections to feel ashamed of.
…I’m so interested to see a study on the potential correlation between “people who grew up being shamed for their sexual desires” and “interest in bondage/subbing/other kinks involving pretending you don’t have agency in the situation.” I suspect there’s quite a lot
hrm. This does explain the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey with women who don’t know enough about BDSM to be horrified about how it’s portrayed.
i mean. i can’t speak to broader statistics but anecdotally this applies to every lapsed catholic i know
More of an American thing than a Catholic thing, anecdotally.
There’s actually a lot of examples of things like this. Particularly since women are so often shamed for their desires, they will invent scenarios where they cannot be blamed. This is for example why r*pe fantasies are quite common, even though very few people actually want to be SA:d. It’s a situation wherein one must surrender to pleasure, without seeking it out and thus getting branded a “slut”.
Or something like that. I saw a video essay about this like two years ago, so I might be misremembering or quoting a bad source.
Anyways, first time commenting on this webcomic, it’s been a fun read so far!
The Contrapoints video on Twilight is about this.
Dead serious.
Yeah, that’s the one! Couldn’t remember what creator it was, but now that you mention it. Hail and well met, fellow Contrapoints-fan!
Pardon the accidental report, my fingers are stupid sometimes.
That thing really needs a confirmation step.
Twilight is made of this. 50 Shades, due to its origins as a Twilight AU/fic, just makes the subtext text.
There’s something to that, but the initial signs don’t necessarily last. I wouldn’t read too much into this. Especially since that hasn’t really been how her other interactions with Joe have gone so far.
The Venn diagram of that group isn’t concentric circles, but there is a lot of overlap between the two.
I don’t currently have working links for any, but there are absolutely extent studies about this.
That just makes me think of that “BDSM/Autism” venn diagram lol
I’m thinking it’s more specifically surrendering agency to Dorothy. After all, Joyce’s first orgasm came about (heh) because of Dorothy.
Didn’t joyce have one or two before, by accident? (or ‘accident’)
I love their dynamic lol
Making this list is more sexual than anything on the list, including the things that are just sex.
Meticulous-ness(?) is an appealing trait 8D; wonder how many popular auditors there are out there (well, not to the ppl who have to go through being audited, but yeah)
> Meticulous-ness(?)
I don’t like that construction, but it seems to be the best that English has. Part of the problem (per wiktionary) is that as a Latin term it’s already an adjected noun, coming from metus meaning ‘fear’. English seems to get the ‘careful’ meaning by way of French.
We properly see the word as already having its suffix, but the obvious English ways of finding a base noun fail because the resulting stems seem like other things. ‘Metic,’ for example, sounds like an adjective.
However, I now think that a ‘meticule’ is a perfect unit of measure for the meticulous scale.
Meticulosity?
And yet, it’s still not as sexual as the act of sorting the list is going to be for Dorothy!
Looks like Roz’s advice was more in the realm of where Joyce is at than some people were giving her credit for. Joyce is aware of some sexual asks. She needs to work on ownership of her sexuality and letting herself want things.
Also maybe breaking down some ideas around what does or doesn’t “count.”
becky wanted to get married immediately after hooking up with dina as like a ‘five second rule’ or so, religion’s a hell of a drug
Tho i’d think at the end she might be overeager in ‘wanting’ sexual things with joe being under pressure
The actual sex arc is going to be epic.
imagine to there being so much build up and then it ends up everyone else in teh cast besides joyce having sex and then the comic ends lol. tho i don’t think too many webcomic authors would commit that much to a bit
Here lies Joyce.
She never scored.
Wait, we talking JoycexJoe or JoycexDorothy here?
Oh, the answer is yes
The proper scientific approach requires switching out variables one at a time and with multiple repetitions for each variation. And publishing. Can’t forget publishing.
correct. for science.
also cannot forget Peer review ^^
I’m guessing “spontaneity” is not going to be high on the list.
I wonder if joe would count this as technically cheating or ‘relieved’ that she’s going over things with dorothy first
if not dorothy awkwardly in the room ‘coaching it’
but yeah, meticulously planning something versus being prepared sounds like it’d work for some ppl. if dina and joyce was closer friends, maybe she could give her the list after for dina and becky to try out together even tho they technically already had sex a couple times before
I love how you call the Cuck Chair “coaching” tbh
It’s a better term.
I first heard it in the Interview with the Vampire fandom tbh. Memetic, sure, but Coaching is indeed superior as fuck
in the cuck chair, straight up “coaching it”. and by it, haha, well. lets just say. my platonic friend joyce
I mean with the ‘cuck chair’ memes and such i imagine most of them stay silent as opposed to telling them what to do
Is “spontaneity” ever high on an autistic person’s list? Maybe if there were some guidelines put in about it, but I don’t know if that would be considered true spontaneity.
To do:
…
(3) Be spontaneous today. Procedure:
.
.
.
Spontaneity?
Ugh. No thanks.
I do shit on a whim constantly. I’ll climb a ladder without permission, just to see what’s at the top, and then I’ll explore the spooky service tunnels it led to, in case there’s a way out that doesn’t require going back down the ladder. Sorry if that’s not stereotypical or “just like me fr fr” enough for y’all.
I initially misread your use of “shit” as the verb instead of the noun… Very amusing
Pfffffff
Yeah, I shit wherever I want, whenever I want. Watch out, authority figures.
My suggestion yesterday of a yes/no/maybe list sort of happened!
“Your wish has been granted!”
^^
let’s hope they can go through this kinda list in a place that’s not a public laundry room (or it ends up joyce awakens to being an exhibitionist xD)
Oh Joyce, you really need someone to sit down, and talk to you about all these things in a way that helps you realize that wanting sex, doesn’t make you a pervert. Having kinks doesn’t make you gross, and is perfectly natural.
Then again, you are the ding dong bandit, so you might already be a pervert, and not realize it.
She already knows that – intellectually. Her issue is that knowledge has very impact on her lifetime of deeply ingrained habit of repression. She’s basically enlisting Dotty’s aid in designing a program of exposure therapy to overcome her indoctrination.
i’m sure it’ll come up eventually. although i imagine it’d be a lot to ask of someone even if dorothy isn’t in any relationship with anyone else
Joyce has read and enjoyed Amber’s fanfic. Some are even about Transformers.
She’s a pervert in denial
little did joyce realize that compiling a list was the smexiest act of them all
we need fanarts of joyce and dorothy wearing “talk nerdy to me” type of shirts
Go for it!
Compiling a list: Joyce’s kink.
Sorting that list: Dorothy’s kink.
Okay, so to accidentally sit on a dingdong and have it be sex not only implies a dingdong owner already being aroused or at least be in a state of erection, but also that said erect dingdong is also open to the air to sat upon. What exactly are you doing in that scenario that sitting on it would be an accident? Purely platonic, naked wrestling? Getting a close up reference of the model in your one on one anatomy class? Accidentally walked in on your friend who really needed to go to the bathroom just before you did and you already dropped your pants because it was that full a bladder and you slipped and fell coochie or ass first?
Mental gymnastics, obviously. :p
Serving drinks poolside at an “adults only” nudist event, in impractically high heels?
To be far, this list does seem to already allow things to be sexual. Like, maybe it’s okay to externally touch genitalia, and then “whoops,” it goes inside, but the monster that shows up to grab your virginity has vision that’s based on movment, so if you freeze in place, it can’t see you.
Good to know.
Dry grinding, then flop it out. It’s stupid, not difficult.
This video seems relevant on the nature of how such a thing may or may not happen accidentally.
That would be a matter of “I want to perform with you but I’m not ready to go all the way yet”.
* perform [any number of sexual or arousing acts that involve some degree of nudity but not full penetrative intercourse] with you
Sounds like brain-storming a scenario for some 𝕷𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊!
This might be the most Them interaction these two have ever had.
There are giant man-eating ants? Where?
Middle of the stack.
Joyce’s AO3 sci-fi has some unique tags.
Later:
Joyce: “So first on the list is… um, I don’t think Joe has one of those.”
Dorothy: “Who said anything about Joe?” :eyebrows:
Dorothy: Let me see that. [Takes list, weighs in in her hands, throws it in the nearest trash can.] Just fuck, already.
OOC, Dorothy would never treat a list in such a way
Agreed. She’d take from Joyce and stash it in her jacket. Respectfully.
For future reference.
Wasting references? Wasting paper? Surely you jest.
This, she’ll peruse at leisure.
Dorothy would never! :O
Fuck around, find out!
This will just be an exercise of Dotty’s biases, which may also lead to large implications.
“isn’t yet actually”? no pegging then?
Why did she print this all out on paper?? Is Dotty gonna have to cut it all into individual ribbons and beautiful mind it into some kind of conspiracy board?
She got this goddamn printer, but all her professors have moved to just wanting things submitted digitally, so she might as well get some use out of it.
imagine if this somehow got copied and shared around, i wonder if joyce would explode of embarassment or other ppl use it as a bucketlist/reference to cross off one by one lol
The start of her Pornlord career
Lo, long ago, back in ‘the day’, in the earliest times of the internet, there was ‘the purity test’. A stupid idea based on how ‘impure’ one could become. ‘Purity parties’ were so themed to further remove ‘purity’ from the attendees in various sexy ways, both individual-ly and group-aly. (is groupaly a word?)
“Purity”” was always taken ironically. I was there.
Joyce is gonna break whomever’s pelvis finally gets through all these anxiety defenses.
i mean it’d be awkward if it wasn’t joe after all this or her and dorothy running off into the sunset
English grammar has officially jumped the shark.
The word has existed for centuries. https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=whomever&year_start=1700&year_end=2019&corpus=en-2019&smoothing=7&case_insensitive=true
The bigger question is whether it needs to be treated as the object of Joyce’s pelvis destruction (in which case “whomever’s” is correct) or the subject breaching Joyce’s anxiety defenses (on which case “whoever’s” may be correct). Or maybe both are acceptable for exactly that reason.
Not at all. ‘Whom’ is the correct object case of the pronoun ‘who’. And ‘whomever’ is the correct ‘-ever’ form of the pronoun. And any pronoun or noun can be modified to its possessive form. It’s been so for centuries, as Gigafreak pointed out.
But is it objective? Rewrite as “the pelvis of [pronoun] finally gets through all these anxiety defenses.” “Whoever” is the subject of the subordinate clause. So [pronoun] should be “whoever”. Back-substituting, we get “whoever’s”.
I suppose I could have used whosever. I feel silly that this only now occurred to me.
rly love the lighting in this scene
Joyce you should do this with Joe.
Actually maybe save that for when either of you is actually comfortable talking about sex and your own desires as they relate to this relationship. But once you have that comfort you should do this with Joe. Comparing likes and dislikes with friends is entertaining, comparing them with your sex partner is often hotter than acting on them*.
*or maybe my ace is just showing, but it’s good okay?
No. I’m bi, and I endorse your opinion on the hotness of this activity.
Considering that joe was hesitant about rushing into sex with joyce, he might feel more pressured with the existence of a list even tho they might be ‘smaller’ activities/build up compared to full on penetration , versus, some ‘makeout session’ that might cause joyce to need to change her pants like last time
She should. Put it on the list.
But she’s got to work up to it.
Nope. Sorry, Joyce. You’re still the perv. Embrace your true self. Polymorphous perversity FTW.
Nothing perverse about two gal pals helping each other with a laundry list ;P
That was beautiful, have a manual upvote
see this is why Roz failed in her (self appointed) sexual education role, because she could have very easily explained to Joyce that there are many things that are not penis in vagina penetration that are still sex.
it doesn’t look like Joyce doesn’t know tho?
Looks like Joyce is confusing some sexual acts with foreplay.
Weird thought, but does Joyce have a good idea of what’s considered “average” in sexuality? It is both hilarious and disconcerting to imagine her stumbling across some obscure fetish on the internet and assuming that everyone is into that.
The stack is thick enough that I suspect she’s gone with “every possible option” rather than most common options.
I would imagine amber’s fanfics probably skews her ideas a bit ,assuming some of the stuff written in it is like physically possible compared to ‘internet’ stuff like vore
Ah, my girls still trying to weasel her way out of being the person WITH sexual desires, while wanting feverishly to explore them. Understandable tbh.
If Joyce is thinking of them in terms of “from… all the way down to…” then I’m pretty sure she *already* has a “which order [she] should try them” in mind.
How long you think it took Joyce to research everything in those papersm
considering she’s wrote fanfic? where she did a ‘five years later’ thing, i’m sure she’s probably had some subconscious ideas in the back of her head ever since getting into fanfic
joycethy (doroyce?) shippers eating well tonight 8D;
‘Joyothy’ is my preferred term.
I refuse to believe that a list of sexual acts that don’t count as full on sex in the eyes of the church (or whatever metric Joyce is using) would fill a ream of paper; that would be five pages, tops.
unless Joyce also printed the description of each one?
It’s a page per act so they can sort them
You lack imagination and kinks.
Illustrations. “Joyce is autobiographical”, remember.
Depending on your church, it might not amount to five lines.
one per page, so they can be sorted.
If muscular women wrestling isn’t on the list, it isn’t valid.
This applies to every list.
Fundies contorting their own rules to go “Well TECHNICALLY–” has filled entire shelves.
Doyce and Jorothy
A man chooses, a slave obeys
“Bounce on it, would you kindly.”
that got a genuine lol, thank you.
Sorry, Joyce, but trying to come up with every smexy form of foreplay just isn’t going to work.
We asked Heisenberg about his kinks, but he was uncertain.
When I made that list/spreadsheet it wasn’t meant to be printed out… It has sort functions already.
This is actually similar to an activity my high school health class had us do. Everything broke down when we got to “touching face” on where it should go on the continuum of intimacy. The class was equally split on if it was a “Eh, who cares, touch my face.” or “No way, I don’t want anyone touching my face way too intimate, more intimate than actual sex.” and it caused a huge argument that killed the discussion. I think Our Whole Lives has a similar activity but stresses that every person and couple will have a different rating for intimacy and it’s highly subjective.
I think Dorothy was more spiraling and horny jealous of Joyce a few days before getting back with Walky. After thinking about it I think she’s in a better place to be more objective in doing an activity like this with Joyce.
Oh goodness that’s so funny. Thank you for sharing.
No touchy! Noooooo touchy!
No touch.
I’m not touching you! I’M NOT TOUCHING YOUUUUUU!
That is VERY interesting.
I fall on the “who cares, touch my face AS LONG AS IT’S NOT PAINFUL” side, but I’m quite fascinated to hear that some people view it as being more intimate than sex. I’d love to know more statistics about the participants, like, age, gender, cultural background etc. to figure out what might cause the difference in opinion.
I’m the same, but then I had people I wasn’t comfortable with try to like stroke my cheek and was not ok! It totally brought me back to that class and like, “Oh!”
Discussion killed but lesson learned.
I’m worried this could go in the direction of Joe feeling used for sex and/or Dorothy feeling used emotionally by Joyce and I’m not sure how Joyce will handle either conflict
Is this what close female friendship looks like?
ooookay.
and then Dorothy needs some demonstration and it leads to sexy makeouts. ~<3
I’d say something about boundaries but Dorothy taught Joyce how to masturbate using the spin cycle so she’s kinda boxed herself into this.
Joyce, look at how THICK that stack of paper is.
It is you that is horny.
Joe: Why I have to hold a pilates ball for you?
Joyce: Naked
Joe: Why I have to hold a pilates ball to you, naked, sit down?
Joyce: No, you will be naked
Dorothy: Darling, listen: as page 230 says, you have to uncloth to reach…
Joyce: … and you be naked, too
Dorothy: Can’t argue with that *starts to drop her panties*
Queue “the Loophole” by Garfunkel and Oats
Loving that wide-eyed smirk in panel 3.
If someone came to me asking how to do the fuck, my recommendations would look exactly like this. It’d look like Roz telling her only she can know what she likes, and Joyce making a huge list of all the things she wants to try. The crucial element that all of this is missing is that all of this should be DISCUSSED WITH THE PARTNER! Good god girl, talk to him! He has the most knowledge about the hanky-panky the two of you’ll do because he’s half of it!
Because Joyce doesn’t do “boundaries”.
Dorothy taught Joyce how to masturbate using the spin cycle in the washer. The boundaries died long ago
Joyce, just assign a number to each entry, and then start rolling dice to choose an item. Practice said item, and then repeat. Or make up your own monopoly-knockoff game and put the sexy items in the community-chest and chance piles. That’s what my second college gaming group did.
(didn’t everyone have a college gaming group like that?)
Heh. This is just homework for the OWL curriculum.
Offshore Wench Liaison
Orgasm Watchers League
Oily Wank Limbo
Organization of Wily Lesbians
Organizing Women’s Lust
Hermione: Ronald, take out both your wands. Now you will cast an uncoordination charm on me, followed by Petrificus Totalus.
Ron would do it, but he’d get really uncomfortable in the middle and wanna stop, and then he’d probably say something really insensitive and weird.
“I can’t believe you’ve done this!”
joyce please talk about this with joe
just say you want to invite her for a threesome, or maybe to sit on a lounger by the bed and watch
I wish I had known in my youth of Joyce’s excellent approach to dealing with Catholic & autistic puberty.
This is going to end in some hardcore scissoring, isn’t it?
Snipping these pages right up!
my sister in not christ the closet is glass
oh the autism
Can someone make a list like this and send us a link?
This is so funny
All caught up with DoA? ^^
Joyce be full on Joycing. And correctly notes what Dorothying is. Natch.