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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 5h
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| TEAM FOSSILS
Rainbow Friends
That… sure is a shirt
Over clothes
She makes everything look good.
“Ah make everythin’ look good.”
“You make everything look good…
N-not that I was looking, or that woman should be defined by looks!
OH GOD, I’M CHEATING ON AMA– I mean, my girlfriend who totally doesn’t have a secret identity…”
Pull it together man!!!
those two avatars were perfect for the internal conflict that is Danny
Agreed.
Now kiss you two
You WOULD say that, Joe.
But Dina wouldn’t say that. :C
For some reason I am very attracted to you, would you like to grab a drink sometime?
Dina nooooo
Just remember Mike, the safeword is “No punch”
That depends. Got a nickel?
Shut up, Danny! You’re out of your element!
“Oh Yeaaaaah.”
Either it doesn’t fit properly or she doesn’t give a damn.
I think she just hasn’t finished buttoning it up.
I think she’s buttoned it as much as she’s gonna.
Huh, I think I just gained some respect for Sal for just accepting the nice gesture and rolling with it.
And without compromising her own style in the doing!
The amount of fucks she gives are abysmal.
I think we saw from the last comic that she has plenty of fucks she’s willing to give.
Sal can make anything work. Remember her schoolgirl outfit?
Anything.
Compromising her style? That shirt definitely looks her style.
Is she going to keep that DS?
She doesn’t have a charger.
When I was your age, we didn’t have chargers. We used regular batteries! Dozens and dozens of AA batteries!
And we had to walk up hill to the store both ways to get them…
I’m just wondering where Sal put that DS…
Pocket?????
She rolled it into a cigarette.
She needs Mario Kart any way she can get it. Smoke it. Inject it into her bloodstream. ANY WAY.
Pocket? Why yes, that is a place she could have put a DS…
…you don’t want to know…
Down her Shorts? Hey, that’s what the DS stands for in some circles.
Hammerspace
Bra.
Its formal name is Victoria’s Secret Compartment. Check TVTropes for reference.
… we will still be here when you emerge one week later.
Ha! I have avoided your ruse. You should of linked to the appropriate page if you wished to entrap anyone!
The problem with that is when you go to get the link, you yourself will be trapped first; so, it will be a while before anyone can post that link.
Less imaginative answer, but it’s apparently flat so just put it down.
At least Joyce half-succeeded in dressing up Sal.
I see you have selected that-whose-name-shall-not-be-spoken as your gravatar.
If you mean UC-tan then yes, yes I did. ^_^
We can call her Carla now.
I think you mean succeeded in half-dressing Sal
Yeah, I meant that.
She’s like a sexy candy cane.
Candy cane is too sticky to be used that way.
And there goes another image I didn’t needed in my brain. THANKS, Mongoose. As always.
didn’t needed……sigh. More sacrifices to the grammar demons.
..AND I just got that. Pardon me while I cringe.
Lucky me, the neural connections needed to automatically project these images burned out years ago.
Joyce you have managed to become more adorable and more creepy all at the same time. This is a thing I dd not think was possible, and yet here we are.
Also I’m not sure if Billie was looking out for Sal or Joyce in panel three.
Panel four can obviously be explained if one assumes that Sal’s awesome is like radiation that leeches into everything that makes skin to skin contact with Sal. Unfortunately, she’s not into Billie or Joyce, so no hope there. Danny, on the other hand…
Then in what way was Jason made awesome?
An excellent question. My hypothesis is that Jason radiates a kind of “anti-awesome” that infects everything around him in a equal and opposing way to Sal’s field of awesome. The two fields cancel each other out when coming into close contact.
So…. Opposites attract.
So does that make Sal MC Kat or Paula Abdul?
He already wears a bow tie, so it’s difficult to say.
But… Bowties are cool!
But he doesn’t wear a fez.
Or a stetson
Joyce dresses everyone today!
Clearly Sal has superspeed.
She’s not asking how Sal managed to put those clothes on so fast. She’s asking how sal managed to make them look so badass.
Clearly, Sal is just that fiiiiiiiiine.
I am loving this scene.
Sal looks amazing in whatever she wants.
Sal’s thoughts on Mario Kart are mine on the first Rainbow Road.
Every Rainbow Road pisses me off in a profound way. I’ve got shit handling in Mario Kart in the first place.
Hell, I’m crap in most racing games….except maybe Daytona…but only if on PC.
Joyce’s cuteness, Sal’s coolness, and Billie’s pissed-offness all in one comic. I have high hopes for this storyline
…. a crime against what, Billie?
No, really, narrow it down for me. I’m having trouble thinking of something that this ISN’T a crime against.
Yeah, that shirt is not a crime…now, pants that show your butt crack, now that’s a crime.
Literally in some counties.
Countries, even.
Just imagine living in those places… Not a single plumber for miles…
Apparently she makes everything look cool how? Your just born with it.
Or maybe its Maybelline.
Have an internet, nothri!
I’ll say this…Sal can make anything look good.
Sal can make nothing look good, too!
Or at least nothing but pants and gloves.
Sal’s adorable.
Funny, that doesn’t look the way Joyce it would on Sal, of that I am sure.
Sal’s got her own style, no matter what it is. And a damn fast way of getting in or out of her clothes.
Shares that with Joyce anyway.
Joyce, you have too much money for a college student. I don’t even buy myself clothes (except at conventions).
sigh no edit…read “…the way Joyce thought it would”’
Sal is so hot, she uses her fingertip as a lighter!
Sal is so hot that water turns to vapor just being in close proximity to her.
Sal is so hot, her radiation emissivity is ≈ 1 with a 5% margin of experimental error.
Joyce Dresses Everyone Today, for sufficiently “Sal and not Sarah so basically just Sal” values of “everyone.”
She did plan Sarah’s clothes, anyway. Let’s just call it “Joyce Dresses Everyone (Black) Today.” Jacob, look out!
You forget that Joyce also dressed herself today!
Maybe Joyce’s black – so black, her skin colour’s inverted. oO
You know what’s the difference between Billie and Sal? Sal can actually make that look good.
Does Billie’s expression in the last panel remind anyone else of old-timey Mickey Mouse?
Joyce looks adorable in that sweater…wow, that’s something I never thought I say today…adorable.
No wonder Billie is totally in lesbians with Sal. Pity Sal doesn’t seem to share the affection.
i thought Billie was totally in lesbians with Ruth though
I’ve concluded that it explains a lot of Billie’s behaviour if you just assume that she’s tsundere for everybody.
winning gravatar for this, btw
I hope that in the near future there will be a comic titled JOYCE UNDRESSES EVERYONE TONIGHT.
Normal or slipshine?
First one then continued on the other.
That would be adorable, being Joyce. If it was Joe, on the other hand…
Also, there were already images of Joyce being dressed by Billie, but how about Sal dressing everyone today?
Willis, I think you can make either an “otherworlds” or a couple of posters with the *someone* dressing everyone today theme…
Dressing of Age.
Dumbing of Dress
Well, simply “X dresses everyone today” works for me… imagine how they all would look if the person in charge were Dina… or Jason! I seriously advocate that series of drawings. You know, as a fan.
Now all they need is a geeky girl and they’ve got a band.
Amber should appear. Although with Sal around that could end badly.
Dina on drums!
Inner-band conflict already, and they haven’t even formed yet. The beginning of something beautiful.
Dorothy?
See, Joyce is the new Rachel Zoe. Can’t wait to see who she’ll dress next. Heck, just try and dress Mike up, that’d be a hoot.
Now if only Sal would rebel against the social convention of wearing clothes and be naked for the rest of DoA’s existence.
She is always naked, which is why clothes look so good on her.
Other people dress in clothes. Sal merely wears them.
What’s this? Non edgy clothing that would make me look lame or, at the very least, totally average? This will never do. FIRING BAD ASS CLOTHES BEAM!
Sal has a secret stash of Mentos somewhere. Sexy Mentos.
She should’ve let Billie in on the secret before her encounter with Ruth last night.
Sadly I don’t think even “Plot Device Mentos” could have saved her from that. She has to do things the hard way and fix what went wrong. No candy will help her out of this.
it’s confirmed. Sal is a Coolness Wizard.
I can’t wait for Jason to see her in that shirt!
Pretty sure Sal looks hot in anything
Now I want to know how Joyce would wear that top. I’m guessing under a sweater vest.
Under a sweater vest. Without washing it first. Periodically, she’ll bend her neck and sniff her collar, and think, ‘Mmm, cigarette smoke and Sal’s shampoo. Sooooo cool.’ A little voice in the back of her mind will add, ‘And sooo hot,’ but she’ll pretend like she didn’t hear it.
Words can’t describe how much I love this strip.
I am most surprised nobody has made Sal’s face in panel one a gravatar.
I am literally doing that as I type, just wanted to read the comments first and see if anyone else had done so already.
Now to see if I did it right…
It looks like you’re frowning at your comments – always frowning.
She’s judging Yoooooou….
And you’re checking out your nickname.
and you are staring out of the computer screen at everyone and everything. Stop it, it’s creepy.
Heh.
Also your avatar fits your name, even if it’s technically Darwin Titan.
The funny thing is, I called him Titan Darwin before he got his fan nickname.
Hey what can I say? It’s a sexy nickname.
I am in the minority and still don’t like the top on Sal *runs*
But a badass ponytail could make it work.
Yeah. The shirt is just like whatever.
Sal: “Ah hate this thing more than anything an’ I gotta have more.”
Billie: “Wow, that’s just how, um, some people feel about booze! Ha ha ha” [cries]
That… that is almost as sad as the “Jurassic Park” episode of Futurama.
Sal, first panel, looks a bit like *groink*
We’ve discovered Joyce’s superpower.
So… Sal is Rachel from Animorphs. Good to know.
I could hug you right now. I loved the Animorphs series.
I thinks Sal actually doesn’t give a damn about what she wears. But the shirt does actually look pretty good on her. o.O so.. points for Joyce I guess.
but finding Sal something to look good in is, like, Dressing People – Beginner Mode
Well Joyce IS a beginner?
So was Billy asking how she can be hot in Joyce’s clothing or how she could get dressed so fast? They both impressed me.
Seriously. And how Joyce could so easily convince her to wear a pink and orange button-down which, while cute, is admittedly not Sal’s usual style.
But now Joyce’s shirt is going to smell like cigarette smoke :c
Damn it, I keep forgetting I have a Danny gravatar that Dans up my every word.
It’s the curse of the danitar! Flee while you can!
Hurry Sal, slap some sexy on and lets GO!
And suddenly Sal has sunglasses. Seems appropriate.
Any version of Mario Kart can be maddening.
Try playing it on the Wii. Pure madness.
Rainbow road. Nuff said
If you play with friends or family, it can be fun – as long as you have a normal controller. Sometimes, I miss the N64.
Sal just became a gamer.
Thanks to this comic, I now know what a Nintendo (3)DS is when I see one in public. After reading the expressions of frustration, both in the comments and from Sal, I shall not be joining you in playing these “video game” amusments. If I want to be frustrated, I’ll try learning a decades-old chord melody solo on my 1974 guitar that I got new. I’ve got a book full of ’em, and I might download more. If I’m going to suffer, at least I can suffer for art!
Before these last two comics, I might’ve said it was Joyce or Dina. Maybe even Amber. But this tears it.
Sal IS best character.
Fance up!
Can someone please make Sal’s grump face an avatar?
Y’know what the difference is between you’n me? Ah make this look GOOD.
The glasses are a nice addition.