Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

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May 12, 2026

Apples to Apples

by David M Willis on June 2, 2015 at 12:01 am
  • 03 - The Butterflies Won't Fly Away
└ Tags: danny, dorothy, ethan, jennifer, joyce, sal, walky

Discussion (410) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Jen Aside
    Jen Aside
    June 2, 2015 at 12:01 am | #

    Is it time???

    • thebombzen
      thebombzen
      June 2, 2015 at 12:15 am | #

      Ethan and Sal, something’s going down. At least when Amber shows up we know something will.

      • Viktoria
        Viktoria
        June 2, 2015 at 12:20 am | #

        I think Ethan recognized her in the final panel, look at his expression. Stuff could go down very quickly.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          June 2, 2015 at 12:24 am | #

          I don’t think he recognized her. Amber needs to walk in and see him sitting next to Sal and flip out, to his great confusion.
          Also, I’m only 60% sure your wording (‘going down’) was intentional.

          • das-g
            das-g
            June 2, 2015 at 6:30 pm | #

            *yells ‘Timber!’, just in case*

            • Nice
              Nice
              June 11, 2015 at 6:26 pm | #

              Timber? Naa
              Scream “fire in the hole!”

        • Screwball
          Screwball
          June 2, 2015 at 8:38 pm | #

          I don’t Ethan Panel 5 is recognizing her, I’d say he’s just as surprised as everyone else at how she lost her virginity through apples To Apples somehow…

          …Strip Apples To Apples, Sal’s a heavy better with bad/good luck that day?

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            June 3, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

            (she always plays “Chains” and “Whips”)

  2. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    June 2, 2015 at 12:01 am | #

    Did Joyce just lose hers?

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

      She lost her eyebrows virginity long ago.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:43 am | #

        Um. That’s actually a thing in some circles, you know. And no, Joyce very definitely has not had that done to her or she wouldn’t have had to google images when she was sketching dingdongs a while back.

        • Joseph
          Joseph
          June 2, 2015 at 1:31 am | #

          Eyebrows virginity? What?… How does that work? I feel like I’ve missed out on something.

          • Zan Thrax
            Zan Thrax
            June 2, 2015 at 2:01 am | #

            We’ll explain it to you when you’re older.

            • Yet_One_More_Idiot
              Yet_One_More_Idiot
              June 2, 2015 at 3:17 am | #

              I think Sal just broke Joyce’s brain with that comment… xD

              • Freemage
                Freemage
                June 2, 2015 at 11:12 am | #

                That face….

            • OwenSohmer
              OwenSohmer
              June 2, 2015 at 4:07 am | #

              I think we’ll be fine without an explanation but thanks for the offer

          • JaneDoe
            JaneDoe
            June 2, 2015 at 5:00 am | #

            So have I, and honestly? I’m very okay with that.

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 9:09 am | #

            Am I the only one here that has talkative friends who worked sex industry jobs? It’s a reference to being on the receiving end of a messy facial that results in getting semen in your eyebrows.

            • Joseph
              Joseph
              June 2, 2015 at 10:02 am | #

              OH OK. Now it makes sense. I thought maybe the eyebrows were the active part? Which was confusing.

              And no, you’re not! I used to spend weekends teaching bratty rich kids in posh Kensington houses, then travelling out the very end of the tube line to stay with a house of trans sex workers. Bit of cultural whiplash there…

              • Disloyal Subject
                Disloyal Subject
                June 2, 2015 at 1:43 pm | #

                To be fair, there’s some amusing animated material where the eyebrows ARE the active part.

              • Marisa Mockery
                Marisa Mockery
                June 2, 2015 at 3:42 pm | #

                You should write a sitcom based on that. It’d sell.

              • Rich
                Rich
                June 2, 2015 at 6:55 pm | #

                Mine are a straight married couple that did porn flicks in the late 70s, a good couple of decades before I met them. Listening to their work stories from back in the day has been enlightening, albeit often unpleasant. I’ve made a point of avoiding their films (some things I just do not need to see) although they’ve shown off some great G-rated photos of him with the most stereotypical porn mustache ever.

              • Rycan
                Rycan
                June 2, 2015 at 7:15 pm | #

                Did you ever give in to the desire to tell those kids about life at home? It would be fun to watch them wrap their brains around that.

                • Ragingagnostic
                  Ragingagnostic
                  July 1, 2015 at 11:29 am | #

                  Loss of eyebrow virginity? I thought the proper technical term was “bukkake”.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:04 am | #

      No, but I suspect she’s re-evaluating the game for sin potential.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        June 2, 2015 at 12:23 am | #

        Now how could someone possibly associate apples with sin?

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 12:38 am | #

          Yes, that would just be crazy.

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            June 2, 2015 at 12:49 am | #

            Apples to Apples, Dust to Dust

            • schwa schtick uh
              schwa schtick uh
              June 2, 2015 at 7:57 am | #

              https://twitter.com/LokiAthena/status/605590654920425472?s=03

  3. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    June 2, 2015 at 12:01 am | #

    Joyce may blush a whole lot tonight.

  4. sps48
    sps48
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    That FAAACE!

    • thebombzen
      thebombzen
      June 2, 2015 at 12:15 am | #

      FAAAAAAAAAACE

      • TheZachariah
        TheZachariah
        June 2, 2015 at 1:34 am | #

        AAAAaaaaah the face!!!

        • Undrave
          Undrave
          June 2, 2015 at 1:36 am | #

          FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

          • Karen Lynn
            Karen Lynn
            June 2, 2015 at 5:47 am | #

            STOP THE FACES

            • zoomer296
              zoomer296
              June 2, 2015 at 8:58 am | #

              :o

            • Yet_One_More_Idiot
              Yet_One_More_Idiot
              June 2, 2015 at 10:09 am | #

              Everybody needs to have about 1 face less, for Dina’s sake!

    • biggo
      biggo
      June 2, 2015 at 4:20 pm | #

      NOT IN THE FAAAACE

  5. otusasio451
    otusasio451
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    Sal lost her virginity during a game of…Apples to Apples?

    Huh. Having played that game many times, I honestly didn’t see that coming.

    • Shrugs
      Shrugs
      June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

      Sal saw it coming, though. *rimshot*

      • schwa schtick uh
        schwa schtick uh
        June 2, 2015 at 8:00 am | #

        Or felt it at least. Sticky situation

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

      If you can play strip poker, I suppose you can play strip ATA, right?

      • TParadox
        TParadox
        June 2, 2015 at 12:29 am | #

        As I understand it, the judge picks the best card for +1 point and worst card for -1 clothing (or +1 drink for Drunk ATA).

      • -Sentinel-
        -Sentinel-
        June 2, 2015 at 10:27 am | #

        Nudity =/= sex.

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          June 2, 2015 at 11:05 am | #

          But it’s been known to help.

          • -Sentinel-
            -Sentinel-
            June 2, 2015 at 2:47 pm | #

            Not in my case. Whenever I meet a pretty girl and strip down in front of her in hopes that sex will ensue, she sprays me with mace and runs away. Am I doing something wrong?

            • Narf
              Narf
              June 2, 2015 at 4:29 pm | #

              Yes.

            • Rycan
              Rycan
              June 2, 2015 at 7:17 pm | #

              If you want your face to be a fluorescent orange, then no. Otherwise, yes.

            • Screwball
              Screwball
              June 2, 2015 at 8:47 pm | #

              I get that same problem. Daniel the Human just laughs at me as the cops chase me, doesn’t help me at all…

            • Captain Batson
              Captain Batson
              June 2, 2015 at 11:50 pm | #

              No, Great Faz chooses to believe that they are simply not yet able to comprehend the beauty that is Faz

    • 3-I
      3-I
      June 2, 2015 at 12:16 am | #

      Look, you kids don’t know how good you got it. Back in the day, we had to make APPLES TO APPLES say horrible things. We didn’t have your fancy Cards Against Humanity version. It took IMAGINATION to make it dirty and awful. AND WE DID IT, BY GUM.

      • 6Qubed
        6Qubed
        June 2, 2015 at 1:57 am | #

        And we were THANKFUL

        • A Scientist
          A Scientist
          June 2, 2015 at 2:10 am | #

          Well back in *my* day we had to….

          …Wait, that was my day. Never mind. Carry on.

          • AustKyzor
            AustKyzor
            June 2, 2015 at 12:34 pm | #

            Back in my day, we didn’t have those fancy Apples to Apples either. We just yelled things at each other until somebody removed their clothes in anger and frustration.

            • Rich
              Rich
              June 2, 2015 at 6:57 pm | #

              Huh. I had no idea my dad read Dumbing of Age.

      • ScoutInTheNight
        ScoutInTheNight
        June 2, 2015 at 9:29 am | #

        In my opinion that’s why Apples to Apples is the better game. It takes creativity and a bent mind to be fun. Cards Against Humanity is just lazy.

        • Betty Anne
          Betty Anne
          June 2, 2015 at 2:20 pm | #

          Unless you’re DOIN IT RONG, and then CAH gets to be so wrong everyone at the table is like, “…well, shit. .____.”

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      June 2, 2015 at 6:57 am | #

      Makes more sense to get turned on during Apples to Apples than anything to do with Jason.

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 7:18 pm | #

        BAM

    • leadsynth
      leadsynth
      June 2, 2015 at 9:17 pm | #

      Talk about bringing apples for the teacher.

      (You know, because Sal banged a teacher?)

  6. Khaner
    Khaner
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    Apples to Apples gets you all the gals.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:37 am | #

      Why you gotta leave Ethan out of the fun?

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 2:32 pm | #

        Oh my god can you imagine? He’d be too shy to do anything! At least at this point in the comic.

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 2:33 pm | #

        But I think pretty much everything gets Ethan all the guys and gals. (though he doesn’t want the chicks)

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 6:43 pm | #

          He does seem to suffer from an embarrassment of riches in that regard.

  7. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    That’s very impressive. That’s like losing your virginity in a rousing round of GO FISH. Or Scrabble.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      June 2, 2015 at 12:04 am | #

      “Do you have any…reasontonotsleepwithme?”

      “Uh, go fish?”

      “HA!”

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 12:06 am | #

        You’d have more luck with “Go Leafs” 🙂

        • AustKyzor
          AustKyzor
          June 2, 2015 at 12:35 pm | #

          Well, the Leafs DO suck, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what anyone meant…

    • cesium133
      cesium133
      June 2, 2015 at 12:05 am | #

      The only way Scrabble can lead to virginity loss is if it’s hate sex. Which is probably also how Apples to Apples led to Sal losing her virginity.

      • Nono
        Nono
        June 2, 2015 at 12:23 am | #

        What, you’ve never been turned on by a 120-point Triple Word combo?

        • Lord Stoneheart
          Lord Stoneheart
          June 2, 2015 at 12:27 am | #

          I can see the 120 point triple word combo leading to hate sex.

          • modernpython
            modernpython
            June 2, 2015 at 2:14 am | #

            Promontory is not a real word!
            Yes it is!

            Hate snogging commences.

            • Rich
              Rich
              June 2, 2015 at 9:11 am | #

              It’s your own fault for leaving pro open. Or maybe tory.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        June 2, 2015 at 12:24 am | #

        I wonder how much hate sex Monopoly has caused over the years.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          June 2, 2015 at 12:26 am | #

          “I’m completely bored with this incredibly tedious game. Let’s go have sex instead.”

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 12:36 am | #

          There’s been at least one “adult” version of Monopoly using famous strip clubs as the properties. I’d expect that just owning a copy of the damn thing would increase your odds of staying a virgin for life.

        • Historyman68
          Historyman68
          June 2, 2015 at 8:17 am | #

          “Capitalism is dull and brutal. Let’s fuck.”

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 6:59 pm | #

            Excerpted from “Proletariat Pickup Lines” by Karl Marx?

      • Iron Glenn
        Iron Glenn
        June 2, 2015 at 1:45 am | #

        Ever heard of strip scrabble?

        • fogel
          fogel
          June 2, 2015 at 5:05 am | #

          Yes

      • timemonkey
        timemonkey
        June 2, 2015 at 6:58 am | #

        Someone’s never watched Thea from Girls With Slingshots play Scrabble.

        • Rycan
          Rycan
          June 2, 2015 at 7:43 pm | #

          This. Although I think the usual end result was that everyone got too drunk and passed out.

      • AustKyzor
        AustKyzor
        June 2, 2015 at 12:37 pm | #

        That’s how it happened with me – I had zinc on a double-word, and xenon on a triple

        Hate sex is actually worth the effort, even when you’re ace like me.

    • A Scientist
      A Scientist
      June 2, 2015 at 2:12 am | #

      I think we all have a story like that, don’t we?

      Mine, naturally, was Candyland.

      (Not really, but side note, I’m legitimately terrible at Candyland, and I still can’t figure out how that’s possible.)

      • Annie
        Annie
        June 2, 2015 at 4:53 am | #

        My husband and I used to play strip Trivial Pursuit. I usually won that game, so I started losing it on purpose fairly often.

        Also, it was super fun (/sarcasm) when my mother-in-law went snooping in our room and found in the bottom drawer of the nightstand condoms, lube (back then I worked a lot of health fairs for my job, so I ended up with A LOT of free condoms and flavored lubes. I had far more than any 1 couple could use.), some porn DVDs, a small vibrator, handcuffs, maybe a nudie mag and… Trivial Pursuit.

        At least it got her to quit snooping for a while.

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          June 2, 2015 at 7:00 am | #

          If I hada mother in law who snooped I’d purposely leave super dirty things around just to shock her. Like SUPER dirty shit, shit that wouldn’t even make sense.

          • Boom
            Boom
            June 2, 2015 at 11:40 am | #

            XXX NIGHTSTANDS

          • Annie
            Annie
            June 2, 2015 at 1:13 pm | #

            One time when I knew she was coming over, I may have tied ropes to my head and foot board and left a butt plug on the pillow.

            Thankfully, before we were married my husband took away her key to our house and she’s now forbidden from going upstairs in our home. Though, after the ropes and butt plug, I’m not sure she’d want to anymore. I can only imagine what she told the priest when she went to confession that week. >:)

            • timemonkey
              timemonkey
              June 2, 2015 at 2:30 pm | #

              Should have put two buttplugs.

              • Annie
                Annie
                June 3, 2015 at 3:10 am | #

                I was thinking that if she starts snooping again, I should leave out one of those giant double ended dildos. I’d have to buy one first, of course, but it’d be worth it.

            • Marisa Mockery
              Marisa Mockery
              June 2, 2015 at 3:46 pm | #

              This is the best thread

              • Screwball
                Screwball
                June 2, 2015 at 8:53 pm | #

                Agreed! *taking notes*

            • DarkoNeko
              DarkoNeko
              June 2, 2015 at 4:55 pm | #

              That’s hilarous XD

          • Rycan
            Rycan
            June 2, 2015 at 7:26 pm | #

            Or better yet, completely innocuous shit alongside the super dirty shit. Trying to figure out how a Rubik’s Cube factored into your sex life would bother her for days.

            • Annie
              Annie
              June 3, 2015 at 3:21 pm | #

              I like this idea very, very much.

        • A Scientist
          A Scientist
          June 2, 2015 at 12:54 pm | #

          What an amazing drawer. That had to have been the most confusing moment of her snooping career.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 9:17 am | #

        ??? The game doesn’t allow you to make any decisions whatsoever, except the obvious one of “let’s play something else.” Zero skill involved unless someone’s cheating. Unless you have color blindness issues, it’s impossible to be good or bad at it.

        • A Scientist
          A Scientist
          June 2, 2015 at 12:53 pm | #

          I’ve played probably 50 times and only avoided last place once. I got second to last that time.

          I know, the numbers don’t work out. I know there’s no skill involved, no decision-making, but my results are indisputably terrible.

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 6:38 pm | #

            Bizarre. Is it only Candyland? Have you experimented with dropping buttered toast?

          • Rycan
            Rycan
            June 2, 2015 at 7:28 pm | #

            You sure everyone else wasn’t cheating?

  8. Taigan
    Taigan
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    How many are googling that game now? *raises hand*

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      June 2, 2015 at 1:48 pm | #

      Well, I was about to look for an online emulator like the one for Cards Against Humanity.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 7:29 pm | #

      Well, I googled it a few days ago, does that count?

    • Screwball
      Screwball
      June 2, 2015 at 9:01 pm | #

      Just did after reading Taigan’s comment, now I know how it’s played I can see how it could happen. Site has hairy & smarmy? Everyone says something adult-orientated. “The word is hairy” “Yeah, like my cooter” “Ew, you don’t shave? I do” “I trim…”

      …Or do I just have a dirty processor like Daniel the Human says?

  9. grantimusmax
    grantimusmax
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    Billie’s status: SEETHING WITH RAGE

    • Dean
      Dean
      June 2, 2015 at 12:15 am | #

      Billie’s jealous, because she lost hers while playing the Battlestar Galactica boardgame.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:32 am | #

        Worse yet, she lost it to the Cylon Sympathizer.

    • nothri
      nothri
      June 2, 2015 at 12:18 am | #

      Second verse same as the first.

  10. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    I am trying to think of Apples to Apples-related innuendo, but the only ones I’ve got are really forced.

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

      There’s a lot of jam to have.

      • RHagen
        RHagen
        June 2, 2015 at 12:12 am | #

        Sauce-y!

        • Deanatay
          Deanatay
          June 2, 2015 at 9:09 am | #

          Winning card for ‘Saucy’ – Emeril Lagasse.

    • nothri
      nothri
      June 2, 2015 at 12:13 am | #

      Show me your apple and I’ll show you mine.

      • grantimusmax
        grantimusmax
        June 2, 2015 at 12:14 am | #

        Certainly something wound up in cider.

        • nothri
          nothri
          June 2, 2015 at 12:20 am | #

          Let’s make some applesauce, honey.

          • grantimusmax
            grantimusmax
            June 2, 2015 at 12:43 am | #

            As long as it shakes me to the core.

        • saltchocolate
          saltchocolate
          June 2, 2015 at 7:49 am | #

          That’s a pretty seedy comment.

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      June 2, 2015 at 12:14 am | #

      Care for strudel?

  11. Viktoria
    Viktoria
    June 2, 2015 at 12:02 am | #

    Didn’t Sal go to an all-girls Catholic school?

    …

    Well, that opens up the love triangles for even more drama.

    • AtomsOrSystems
      AtomsOrSystems
      June 2, 2015 at 12:04 am | #

      Look, I went to an all-boys Catholic school. There were still girls around.
      …sometimes.
      ……I mean, not often, but–

      Look, I like to live in an idealized version of the past, ok?

      • madock345
        madock345
        June 2, 2015 at 12:58 am | #

        After they bend over, who can tell the difference?

        • Hielario
          Hielario
          June 2, 2015 at 4:15 am | #

          Oh, trust me, there’s a lot of difference.

          • timemonkey
            timemonkey
            June 2, 2015 at 7:01 am | #

            Yeah, girl butt has nothing on guy butt.

            • schwa schtick uh
              schwa schtick uh
              June 2, 2015 at 8:08 am | #

              ;3

            • Hielario
              Hielario
              June 2, 2015 at 8:00 pm | #

              I meant the extra orifice, but i guess that’s true too.

    • Captain Batson
      Captain Batson
      June 2, 2015 at 12:06 am | #

      I don’t recall anyone saying it was all-girls. Not all Catholic schools are single-sex.

      • Viktoria
        Viktoria
        June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

        It’s too late to archive-dive for me, but at the least it was one her parents sent her to to lock her up after she committed a few felonies. Single-sex seems likely from that.

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 12:26 am | #

        Did some peeking, and nobody has said it’s all girls.

        • Shade
          Shade
          June 2, 2015 at 2:22 am | #

          Willis confirmed that her boarding school was all girls on his tumblr account after he was asked. He also explained how she developed the habit of using windows as doors.

        • Viktoria
          Viktoria
          June 2, 2015 at 8:12 am | #

          http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/120504739202/was-sals-boarding-school-all-girls-i-guess-what
          The Tumblr answer. Which interestingly looks like he’s saying it was with a guy despite not actually saying that at all.

          • Historyman68
            Historyman68
            June 2, 2015 at 8:20 am | #

            Yes excellent job of explaining without giving anything away, Willis.

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 12:37 am | #

        If anything, they’d live in separated buildings

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 12:46 am | #

          Getting past the wardens is half the fun.

    • Blue
      Blue
      June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

      Nice to see I’m not the only one whose brain went that way. xD

    • Kennerly
      Kennerly
      June 2, 2015 at 12:55 am | #

      I didn’t realize co-ed Christian boarding schools was a thing.

      • Joseph
        Joseph
        June 2, 2015 at 8:14 am | #

        There are co-ed Quaker boarding schools – I went to one. But that’s Quakers, who are often way out on the liberal fringe.

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 9:14 am | #

      words of god on this :

      “Her boarding school was girls only, but boys being outside the school was a huge part of her impetus to learn how to escape out a several-story window.”

  12. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

    Hey I just noticed, Dotty actually sat down to play.

    • No Name
      No Name
      June 2, 2015 at 6:03 am | #

      She’s probably still typing up research papers, though.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 9:17 am | #

        And fending off Drunk Walky.

  13. otusasio451
    otusasio451
    June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

    That would be an interesting and very odd Slipshine.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      June 2, 2015 at 12:26 am | #

      Think Mattel would be interested in cross promotion?

    • TParadox
      TParadox
      June 2, 2015 at 12:31 am | #

      Sal Performs A Helen Keller?

      • Kennerly
        Kennerly
        June 2, 2015 at 12:57 am | #

        Um, no Helen, not exactly water…but don’t stop.

    • -Sentinel-
      -Sentinel-
      June 2, 2015 at 10:37 am | #

      And I juuuust cancelled my subscription…

    • LeslieBean4Shizzle
      LeslieBean4Shizzle
      June 2, 2015 at 11:33 am | #

      Yeah, I was just about to say: I am curious and want to know the story behind this. A Slipshine would take care of that… although Sal’s age when she lost said virginity might make it impossible to post there.
      Still, I have a curious mind and wish to know the sequence of events that led from point Apples to point Virginity.

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 2:29 pm | #

        No slipshines of underaged people. No no no BAD. That is child pornography, and I doubt Willis is okay with that. (yes–any porn of underage people is child pornography. http://criminal-law.freeadvice.com/criminal-law/criminal-law/child-pornography-law.htm)

        • drs
          drs
          June 2, 2015 at 3:46 pm | #

          It’s not that clearcut, actually. The Supreme Court said drawn child porn wasn’t illegal porn, Congress tried to pack it under obscenity laws, the First Amendment might have something to say about that, so it comes down to a lottery of your local prosecutor and judges. Which is a good pragmatic reason for a commercial site to steer clear of it.

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 2:29 pm | #

        But I’m sure Sal is about to tell the story in the next comic.

  14. Nono
    Nono
    June 2, 2015 at 12:03 am | #

    Sal’s basically the cool gamer chick, isn’t she? Except in this cases the guys who would be fawning over her and asking her to ‘share pics’ are now… Joyce.

  15. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    June 2, 2015 at 12:04 am | #

    Sal Walkerton: defying everything that’s uncool to Billie. 😀

    • Captain Batson
      Captain Batson
      June 2, 2015 at 12:07 am | #

      She’s also totally Amazi-Girl.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:09 am | #

        Well yeah, that’s why she’s sitting next to her boyfriend Danny. 🙂

        • Heavensrun
          Heavensrun
          June 2, 2015 at 12:20 am | #

          Wait…

          Billie leaves or at least steps out for a bit, bumps into Amber, Amber asks after Danny, Billie says “he’s in the party sitting with his girlfriend”, Amber is confused, looks in, sees him sitting next to Sal, and totally loses her shit.

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 12:30 am | #

            Possible. The tutoring thing has Billie confused about that as well. And hey, get a drink or two in Sal and her decision making goes straight to hell. Imagine Drunk Sal deciding that if useless tutor Jason got sexy times, the guy who actually helped her grades deserves better. There’s an even worse train wreck for you.

            • Talantus
              Talantus
              June 3, 2015 at 12:54 pm | #

              Probably just one

      • Nono
        Nono
        June 2, 2015 at 12:22 am | #

        Huh, Billie STILL thinks she’s Amazi-girl, doesn’t she?

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

      Note Billie’s severe disapproval at the thought.

      • JessWitt
        JessWitt
        June 2, 2015 at 12:12 am | #

        Precisamente, my dear Rich-son.

  16. Sam
    Sam
    June 2, 2015 at 12:04 am | #

    This game is for nerds, nerds like SAL.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

      Sal is like the Vin Diesel of the nerds.

      • Auroki
        Auroki
        June 2, 2015 at 12:13 am | #

        ^this

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        June 2, 2015 at 12:17 am | #

        Pretty sure Vin Diesel is the Vin Diesel of nerds.

      • Pantheon the Mantheon
        Pantheon the Mantheon
        June 2, 2015 at 12:21 am | #

        I have never felt as validated as I did on the day I learned Vin Diesel was an avid D&D player and based Riddick off of one of his characters. Just goes to show you, D&D can almost always change your life for the better!

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 12:26 am | #

          Are you trying to say Jack Chick lied to us?

          • Kelly
            Kelly
            June 2, 2015 at 12:43 am | #

            Jack Chick would lie to us.
            Jackie Chan, however, would not.

            • Someone
              Someone
              June 2, 2015 at 12:46 am | #

              Jack Chick vs Jackie Chan: The fight of the ages…That would last 3 seconds and end with Jack Chick lying broken on the ground.

              • Rich
                Rich
                June 2, 2015 at 12:57 am | #

                What’s taking up the other 2.5 seconds that Jackie doesn’t need to win that fight?

                • Someone
                  Someone
                  June 2, 2015 at 1:10 am | #

                  That’s Jackie Chan’s stretching time

                • Dean
                  Dean
                  June 2, 2015 at 1:51 am | #

                  Yeah, he’s not a young man anymore.

                • Rich
                  Rich
                  June 2, 2015 at 9:20 am | #

                  Valid, but I think he’s still up to beating Jack, who’s in his nineties these days.

                • John
                  John
                  June 2, 2015 at 1:53 pm | #

                  Jackie pulling the tablecloth that he then uses to beat up Jack out from under a banquet.

              • Abel Undercity
                Abel Undercity
                June 2, 2015 at 5:19 am | #

                Chick would have the last laugh, though, when he produces a poorly-drawn and execrably-written comic denouncing the martial arts as Satan’s lure for the unwary.

              • Disloyal Subject
                Disloyal Subject
                June 2, 2015 at 1:53 pm | #

                …and what would motivate Jackie to smack that sad, strange creature?
                I’m sickened, but curious.

              • Someone
                Someone
                June 2, 2015 at 4:06 pm | #

                Unfortunaltly after being defeated, Jack Chick will start floating of the ground, will sprout tentacles and his hands will morph into claws while he grows fangs. The true battle will then begin.

      • Kelly
        Kelly
        June 2, 2015 at 12:23 am | #

        But Vin Diesel is already the Vin Diesel of nerds.

        He has his D&D character’s name as a tattoo! He taught Dame Judi Dench to play D&D when they did a Riddick film together! He founded Tigon Studios to make better movie tie-in video games!

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          June 2, 2015 at 1:54 pm | #

          But which edition did he teach?

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 6:32 pm | #

            Wonderful mental image of Vin starring in an “Edition Wars” movie where he’s the prophesized savior who unites the fans of all the different editions. Even those Pathfinder heretics. 🙂

            The bad guys can be a conspiracy of concerned parents, religious fanatics, and embittered ex-gamers bent on destroying roleplaying forever, led by cyborg Jack Chick.

  17. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    June 2, 2015 at 12:05 am | #

    So now we know why Faz said “applesauce” before losing consciousness from repeated Mike Warner beatings.

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      June 2, 2015 at 9:39 am | #

      It was his safe word.

      • No Name
        No Name
        June 2, 2015 at 12:54 pm | #

        Actually, is safe-word is “saltines”

  18. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    June 2, 2015 at 12:05 am | #

    Brilliant Joyce face.

  19. Rich
    Rich
    June 2, 2015 at 12:07 am | #

    I’m impressed, didn’t think Sarah’s shame-blitz in yesterday’s strip would actually get Sal to the party. Guess Miss Walkerton’s not quite as disinterested in the rest of the dorm as she’s seemed to be.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      June 2, 2015 at 7:13 am | #

      That or the text she got turned out to be that Marcie was gonna be hanging with Malaya.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 9:22 am | #

        Or she heard Apples To Apples through the bathroom door and just couldn’t resist.

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          June 2, 2015 at 1:55 pm | #

          Or just needed something to take her mind off things.

  20. Kris
    Kris
    June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

    Just because Sal likes it doesn’t automatically mean it’s cool…….yes it does.

  21. boomwolf
    boomwolf
    June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

    Suddenly, this game seems a lot more interesting. Also, Joyce’s face last panel.

  22. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    June 2, 2015 at 12:08 am | #

    Also I enjoy the symbolism of Sal sitting down in the spot that was being kept free for Amber. What if Amber comes in and sees Sal sitting there? Next to Ethan, of all people, who was there during the robbery trauma. Drama potential high!

    • LiaHansen
      LiaHansen
      June 2, 2015 at 12:10 am | #

      it only just hit me how tangled up Danny’s romantic interests are

      • Just Another Commentor
        Just Another Commentor
        June 2, 2015 at 2:14 am | #

        Holy crap, you’re right. He’s dating Amber, has feelings for Ethan, and is tutoring Sal. Amber is dating Danny, used to date Ethan, was assaulted by Sal. Sal has no clue who anyone but Danny is. This is a strange love/hate quadrangle.

    • Tess
      Tess
      June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

      WAIT HOW DOES ETHAN NOT RECOGNIZE HER

      • Kris
        Kris
        June 2, 2015 at 12:16 am | #

        Cause it was probably over five years ago and it wasn’t as traumatic for him.

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        June 2, 2015 at 12:17 am | #

        Ethan was somewhat less traumatized by the event than Amber was, probably largely because for Ethan, it didn’t come atop years and years of vicious psychological abuse from Amber’s monster of a male parent. So he may not remember because he didn’t bother dwelling on what she looked like, or he may have recognized her and assumed that if Joyce is cool with her, he should give her a shot.

        That’s boring though, so I’m hoping for screaming realizations later. From both of them.

        • Rycan
          Rycan
          June 2, 2015 at 1:03 am | #

          You also bounce back better from traumatic events when you have a good support network, and maybe Ethan’s parents were actually supportive before he came out of the closet.

      • tim gueguen
        tim gueguen
        June 2, 2015 at 12:19 am | #

        Because her hair is straight? I’m pretty sure she wasn’t straightening her hair at the time of the attempted robbery. She presumably didn’t talk with her current southern drawl at the time either. And as comic books have taught me even the smallest of changes in looks and behaviour, like wearing a tiny domino mask, can serve as an effective disguise.

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 12:22 am | #

          She’s grown up and filled out quite a bit from those days too. I wouldn’t have recognized the two character designs as being the same person if I didn’t know the story.

        • Em
          Em
          June 2, 2015 at 12:34 am | #

          He knows that the girl that robbed the store and held the knife to his neck lives on Amber’s floor. It is a little surprising that Amber recognized her immediately despite the fact that she looks different and Ethan hasn’t. It is possible that he’ll remember her in tomorrow’s strip.

          • Heavensrun
            Heavensrun
            June 2, 2015 at 11:52 am | #

            Also when Amber recognized her, she was wearing the same outfit as the robbery.

        • Gigafreak
          Gigafreak
          June 2, 2015 at 9:48 am | #

          Indeed, her hair was curly at the time. Not only that, but she’s carrying herself in a pretty different manner right now: mellow and friendly. (I’m told it’s possible to foil recognition by just changing your posture. Conversely, people have recognized me through a Halloween costume by my lazy slouched walk.)

          Even if Ethan DOES recognize Sal, he is himself mellow enough to accept that those days are behind her. He even told Amazi-girl as much.

          • Screwball
            Screwball
            June 2, 2015 at 9:17 pm | #

            On the next page after the link, Danny sees Amber freaking out & running off, tho there is a chance he didn’t put 2 & 2 together & get that Amber was running from Sal. Plus does he know about the robbery?

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        June 2, 2015 at 12:25 am | #

        To be fair, it’s been what? Five-ish years? And then a haircut.

        Plus, sheer implausibility. In a universe without narrative causality, what are the odds that Ethan’s teenage hostage taker would be sitting next to him at a college party years later?

        I guess the convenience store robbery was a defining moment for Amber and Sal, but not for Ethan.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          June 2, 2015 at 12:34 am | #

          Sal’s straightened hair, completion of puberty, and her voice (accent).
          Plus Ethan was probably paying more attention to Amber than to Sal at the time. It may have been kind of a blur for him.

      • Lord Stoneheart
        Lord Stoneheart
        June 2, 2015 at 12:36 am | #

        Five years (a person can change quite a bit from age 13 to 18), and Sal currently has the curls murdered out of her hair. Amber has told him that his hostage taker lives in the building, but Ethan hasn’t appeared to recognize her. (From what we can tell at least). Though some in the comments have associated his face in the last panel with a look of recognition. I don’t quite see it though. I think it’s just being caught off guard by Sal’s statement in the last panel.

      • timemonkey
        timemonkey
        June 2, 2015 at 7:10 am | #

        It’s been five years, her hair and attitude are much different and he wasn’t exactly in a position to look at her after he was taken hostage. When you’re held at knifepoint like he was you tend to face outwards.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:19 am | #

      And next to Amber’s boyfriend to boot. So much train wreck potential. Now we just need her to get drunk. Shame Billie doesn’t look like she’ll be pouring Sal a drink anytime soon. Maybe Walky will share? 🙂

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 8:31 am | #

        No way, you see how he is with his snacks~

    • Caffieanted
      Caffieanted
      June 2, 2015 at 12:47 pm | #

      I’m thinking this too. Originally I was thinking Amber was going to walk in to see Danny and Ethan kissing which will cause a red flashback of when Ethan revealed he was gay to Amber on Prom night. Just like when Amber’s asshole of a dad attempted to take Danny as a hostage. Now that this happened, I’m thinking “Oh crap.”

  23. chris73
    chris73
    June 2, 2015 at 12:09 am | #

    Best Joyce face yet

  24. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    June 2, 2015 at 12:09 am | #

    Joyce looks like a blow-up doll in the last panel.

    • That Damn Rat
      That Damn Rat
      June 2, 2015 at 5:45 am | #

      Which incidentally ties back in to Sal losing her virginity.

  25. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    June 2, 2015 at 12:10 am | #

    Well, apples are the root of all evil, so says the Bible or somethin’ like that.

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

      Not to say sex is evil or anything. Better quit before I go full Danny.

      • Someone
        Someone
        June 2, 2015 at 1:26 am | #

        Uh, Danny has had sex. He got his own slip shine.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:22 am | #

      Nope, symbolizes the knowledge of good and evil. Very different thing.

      • Lord Stoneheart
        Lord Stoneheart
        June 2, 2015 at 7:54 am | #

        Does the bible actually mention what type of fruit the forbidden fruit was? I thought apples were just something that Renaissance artists decided to depict it as.

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 8:58 am | #

          Not a bit, and there’s considerable debate on the subject. Europe likes it to be an apple, but that may be due to a translation error. Figs, pears, and pomegranates are also popular candidates, and there are plenty of others.

          But for purposes of webcomic comment jokes, apples will do.

          • Gigafreak
            Gigafreak
            June 2, 2015 at 9:50 am | #

            GOD HATES FIGS

            • Rich
              Rich
              June 2, 2015 at 7:04 pm | #

              He likes figs fine. It’s those rotten lazy fig trees he can’t stand.

  26. Tess
    Tess
    June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

    JOYCE’S FUCKING FACE I CAN’T.

  27. Jesse
    Jesse
    June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

    What’s the transition from Apples to Apples to sex?

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:23 am | #

      Going to guess a drunken bet was involved.

      • Screwball
        Screwball
        June 2, 2015 at 9:24 pm | #

        Making their own cards. Or at least making dirty comments about the selected card…

  28. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    June 2, 2015 at 12:11 am | #

    Joyce’s expression was priceless.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:24 am | #

      That’s the face of innocence burning.

      • Karen Lynn
        Karen Lynn
        June 2, 2015 at 5:54 am | #

        Y’all’s avatars are perfect mirrors.

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 9:24 am | #

          Unsurprising, considering that’s Dina doing her Sal impersonation there.

  29. Heavensrun
    Heavensrun
    June 2, 2015 at 12:12 am | #

    Oh god…Joyce’s face….my sides…Ow….

  30. Gram91
    Gram91
    June 2, 2015 at 12:13 am | #

    There shall be angst coming soon and I shall laugh

  31. Auroki
    Auroki
    June 2, 2015 at 12:15 am | #

    Yes Joyce yes~ Apples to Apples shall show you the way *evil sith music plays*

    • Rheinman
      Rheinman
      June 2, 2015 at 7:08 am | #

      I first read that as “evil synth music.” Hey! Yaz isn’t evil, they’re just misunderstood.

  32. Bagge
    Bagge
    June 2, 2015 at 12:17 am | #

    Games are for nerds.

    Really cool, sexy nerds, but still.

    • Em
      Em
      June 2, 2015 at 12:28 am | #

      Tbh Sal is a giant nerd.

  33. ridtom
    ridtom
    June 2, 2015 at 12:19 am | #

    Oh hey. Sal’s sitting next to the guy she held hostage and the guy who’s girlfriend stabbed her hand and still has a huge hate-boner for her.

    Best Apples to Apples? Yes.

    • MrPotamus
      MrPotamus
      June 2, 2015 at 12:29 am | #

      I’m confused. Do they not acknowledge each other at all or did I miss something?

      • AgentKeen
        AgentKeen
        June 2, 2015 at 12:33 am | #

        I don’t think Ethan remembers her, and I don’t think Amber has gotten a chance to point her out to him (though I think she did tell him she was at the school all Batman to Commissioner Gordon-like).

  34. Em
    Em
    June 2, 2015 at 12:25 am | #

    “Damnit Sal you won again? I’m gonna fuck you up!”

    “Be my guest, I’ve been eyeing you all night.”

  35. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    June 2, 2015 at 12:32 am | #

    Not something I’d thought we would learn about Sal.

    So, yeah.

  36. Thor
    Thor
    June 2, 2015 at 12:40 am | #

    How do you go from Apples To Apples all the way to Bananas To Peaches?

    • Kennerly
      Kennerly
      June 2, 2015 at 12:48 am | #

      At a all girls boarding school? Her first time had to have been Peach to Peach.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:59 am | #

        It’s cute that you think girls’ schools manage to keep all the guys out.

        • Hielario
          Hielario
          June 2, 2015 at 4:22 am | #

          I suddenly realized a possible benefit of having big thighs and a girly voice.

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 8:50 am | #

            Or a predilection for cross dressing.

            • Hielario
              Hielario
              June 2, 2015 at 8:06 pm | #

              The clothes would be tricky part, probably…i can shave my face but the rest of me is a big no-no…and my mother is way smaller than me so i can’t ask her.
              Hmmm, maybe i should keep some ladies clothing for situations like that.

        • John
          John
          June 2, 2015 at 2:07 pm | #

          Or all the girls in. Especially when they have a predilection for using upper-story windows as egress.

    • Stephen Bierce
      Stephen Bierce
      June 2, 2015 at 12:49 am | #

      *plays “Please Don’t Touch My Plums” from the soundtrack of The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox on the Muzak*

  37. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    June 2, 2015 at 12:42 am | #

    Joyce’s face!

    • Screwball
      Screwball
      June 2, 2015 at 9:28 pm | #

      I know, right?

  38. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    June 2, 2015 at 12:44 am | #

    Anyway, all we need now is for Amber to walk in, see Sal, and then run away, crying hysterically.

  39. podian
    podian
    June 2, 2015 at 12:48 am | #

    In any other comic, I wouldn’t bother much about the situation like the panel 4. In DoA… one just KNOWS that there WILL be drama.

  40. SunshineDuk
    SunshineDuk
    June 2, 2015 at 12:48 am | #

    Okay but realtalk, in college my friends and I played Stripples to Nipples (Strip Apples to Apples) pretty much every Friday night for a year. It’s pretty simple–if you win a round, you get to take off an article of clothing! Very highly recommended. And yes, Stripping Against Humanity is also excellent.

    • Yossarian Duck
      Yossarian Duck
      June 2, 2015 at 1:28 am | #

      That actually sounds like a great way to stop both of those games from falling into tedium.

      • SunshineDuk
        SunshineDuk
        June 2, 2015 at 1:44 am | #

        It sure is. And once you’re all naked? Then you play REVERSE Stripples to Nipples! When you win a point, you can take one of the articles of clothing that the current judge came in with. The goal is to assemble the most ridiculous outfit that you can out of other folks’ clothes. It’s wonderful.

        • Yossarian Duck
          Yossarian Duck
          June 2, 2015 at 1:49 am | #

          This is sounding better and better.

    • Heavensrun
      Heavensrun
      June 2, 2015 at 11:57 am | #

      Isn’t the point of most strip games to -stay- clothed while your opponents go through the embarassment of being naked?

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:34 pm | #

        I guess that’s one victory condition. Think most people are in it for the eye candy and potential post-game sexy times, though.

        • SunshineDuk
          SunshineDuk
          June 2, 2015 at 12:44 pm | #

          Yeah, my friends and I never understood that as a win condition. We don’t get embarrassed about being naked, we get excited about it! Being naked is GREAT, the game is just a funny way to make the process of getting naked even sillier than usual.

        • Heavensrun
          Heavensrun
          June 3, 2015 at 12:23 am | #

          Yeah, but…Being in it for the eye candy means that getting the -other- people naked is the objective, but if winning is the objective, than that’s only gonna get -you- naked. In any game, there’s always more losers than winners anyway, which means if the losers strip, you get more people naked faster anyway, right?

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        June 2, 2015 at 4:44 pm | #

        You can play to lose. 😉

  41. Random832
    Random832
    June 2, 2015 at 12:51 am | #

    Ah. This is the part where Joyce gets to find out how “Christian” A2A really is when you’re not playing it with Christians.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 1:06 am | #

      Well, not playing it with her sort of Christians. Billie may just be joining this game after all, you see.

      • No Name
        No Name
        June 2, 2015 at 6:12 am | #

        And remember, Sal went to a Catholic school. Joyce is Protestant.

  42. Kaunisenkeli
    Kaunisenkeli
    June 2, 2015 at 12:53 am | #

    I love Joyce’s expression in the last panel! Apples to Apples is the “Christian Cards Against Humanity,” huh? xD

    • leadsynth
      leadsynth
      June 2, 2015 at 9:22 pm | #

      You know how CAH is like a super-offensive version of AtA? Well, when I first heard about CAH, I was like “But you can make dirty jokes with AtA. Why not just do that?” I didn’t understand that CAH is MUCH, MUCH…dirtier.

      But it seems Sal found a way to make AtA good and dirty. I respect that!

  43. brumagem (phone)
    brumagem (phone)
    June 2, 2015 at 12:56 am | #

    Could Sal be foreshadowing I wonder … !?

  44. kimmibeans
    kimmibeans
    June 2, 2015 at 1:00 am | #

    Yes, that is an accurate description of what can happen during Apples to Apples.

  45. Rich
    Rich
    June 2, 2015 at 1:06 am | #

    So, is it possible that Sal will turn out to have been the worst person to invite to this party? Huge amount of drama disaster potential in Miss Walkerton just waiting to happen.

  46. Rycan
    Rycan
    June 2, 2015 at 1:07 am | #

    Sal, wrong tree.

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 8:34 am | #

      Tempting, but I doubt she’s trying to flirt with Ethan here XD It’s just a random comment.

      (I’ll note she was more interested in saying that to a perfect stranger than to Danny, tho)

      • saltchocolate
        saltchocolate
        June 2, 2015 at 8:53 am | #

        I noticed that, too!

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 4:02 pm | #

        Tutors are considerably more effective when their aim is to help you learn, and not to get in your pants. I’ve been in a similar situation (I was Danny) where the TA was more interested in sex, and somehow wasn’t a very effective tutor.

        • DarkoNeko
          DarkoNeko
          June 2, 2015 at 5:01 pm | #

          …urgh 😐

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 5:46 pm | #

            Double urgh.

            Although to be fair to Jason, he made an honest (albeit really ineffective) attempt to help Sal with math right up until she jumped him. The guy’s got lousy self control and bad ethics, but he didn’t start out as a lecher. Marginally less awful than Penny.

            • chris73
              chris73
              June 2, 2015 at 11:10 pm | #

              I don’t know about lousy self-control I mean: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/01-if-the-shoes-split/whatsallthis/

              would be pretty hard (fnar fnar) for anyone to resist

  47. Jack Faire
    Jack Faire
    June 2, 2015 at 1:08 am | #

    My group was so used to making Apples to Apples dirty that the idea of playing it with our kids was disturbing. Cards Against Humanity just makes it easier to be gross.

  48. Commodore Biggles
    Commodore Biggles
    June 2, 2015 at 1:09 am | #

    For …reasons… “Rubber Gloves” is now an automatic trump card whenever our circle of friends plays A2A. Filth is in the mind of the beholder, as a wise man once said.

    • Gigafreak
      Gigafreak
      June 2, 2015 at 9:53 am | #

      You can use it as a condom

      Five times

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 12:50 pm | #

        That is the worst birth control concept since WW2 when the US GIs went around convincing the local girls Coca-Cola was a contraceptive.

        And you can clearly use it ten times. Just turn it inside out after the first five times. 🙂

        • leadsynth
          leadsynth
          June 2, 2015 at 9:26 pm | #

          Also, it’s “Rubber Gloves,” plural. Two gloves. So, twenty times.

          • Screwball
            Screwball
            June 2, 2015 at 9:32 pm | #

            Should…I be taking notes on this?

            • Rich
              Rich
              June 2, 2015 at 10:49 pm | #

              Yes, and they should read “DON’T DO THIS EVER!”

  49. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    June 2, 2015 at 1:29 am | #

    Sal is not the queen of the nerds imo. Danny actually taught her to play his DHS. She got good fast of course, she’s Sal.
    She also doesn’t give a damn about who thinks what is cool or not. Everyone is playing AtoA, okay, she will also. If someone thinks she’s lame, go tell her about it. She has a very chilly “and…” stare.

    Joyce, you love Sal because she is so cool, and still expect her to have your ideals. Great eyebrows.

    • Chubsius
      Chubsius
      June 2, 2015 at 7:11 am | #

      I think you might be misremembering. Sal showed Danny how to win at Mario Kart without prior instruction; Danny just taught her some math afterwards.

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 4:04 pm | #

        My favorite part is how he uses Mario Kart to teach her math (or at least figure out why she’s struggling).

      • Jason
        Jason
        June 3, 2015 at 2:37 am | #

        Nope, Danny showed her how to play. Then Sal showed him how to win!

  50. Gabrielg
    Gabrielg
    June 2, 2015 at 1:38 am | #

    everything in the world can be either a weapon or a fetish

    • Yossarian Duck
      Yossarian Duck
      June 2, 2015 at 1:50 am | #

      Why not both?

      • Rheios
        Rheios
        June 2, 2015 at 2:27 am | #

        Y’know I have just the link for this. https://imgur.com/gallery/w4lqaPu

        • leadsynth
          leadsynth
          June 2, 2015 at 9:28 pm | #

          Wow. That thing is incredibly…floppy.

          • Screwball
            Screwball
            June 2, 2015 at 9:37 pm | #

            …And yet deals the final seen blow…

  51. Greenygal
    Greenygal
    June 2, 2015 at 2:15 am | #

    I kind of want to feel pleased that Sal took Sarah’s words to heart and decided not to spend her evening just waiting around for Marcie. Marcie has made it plain that as much as she likes Sal, she doesn’t want Sal to be her entire social circle, and it’s healthy for Sal to follow suit.

    …but the impending explosion is likely to put Sal off social occasions for life, so there’s that.

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 8:37 am | #

      …provided she survives.

  52. modernpython
    modernpython
    June 2, 2015 at 2:16 am | #

    Hahaha. Round one of “is Joyce in awe or embarrassed?” Start.

    • Yossarian Duck
      Yossarian Duck
      June 2, 2015 at 2:48 am | #

      I think you’re missing ‘turned on’.

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 9:28 am | #

        Her Sal fantasies are strictly from the neck up, though.

        • John
          John
          June 2, 2015 at 2:12 pm | #

          But the luxurious chocolate waves go down to her butt!

  53. Megatron
    Megatron
    June 2, 2015 at 2:23 am | #

    I like Sal, I think she’d be a Decepticon. Billie, on the other hand, is clearly a prissy Autobot.

    • Razzmatazz MacKenzie
      Razzmatazz MacKenzie
      June 2, 2015 at 4:12 am | #

      I have a word filter that automatically replaces the names of the major American political parties with the transformers factions. It took me a while to figure out your comment.

      • KingoHrts
        KingoHrts
        June 2, 2015 at 4:47 am | #

        Oh hell, can I get that word filter for my computer? And can I change the default words? I want to send resend the Fox news articles my very obsessed Brother-in-law keeps sending me.

      • Megatron
        Megatron
        June 2, 2015 at 2:08 pm | #

        Join me and I’ll replace your useless political parties with my iron fist. (Note, my fist is not really made of iron. It’s just an old Cybertronion expression.)

        • Megatron
          Megatron
          June 2, 2015 at 7:16 pm | #

          “In other news, the Headmasters on the Supreme Court ruled that fracking for energon is perfectly legal.”

          “The Predacon lobby is asking for grater restrictions on animal trapping.”

          “A minicon close to the president told us on the condition of anonymity that…”

          • Screwball
            Screwball
            June 2, 2015 at 9:39 pm | #

            YOU SAID I’D REMAIN ANONYMOUS!!

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 4:07 pm | #

        Given the crowd here, I have a pretty good guess of which is which.

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 5:02 pm | #

        …that’s hilarous.

  54. Cheryl
    Cheryl
    June 2, 2015 at 2:35 am | #

    Nosebleed joyce!

  55. Garrett
    Garrett
    June 2, 2015 at 2:45 am | #

    Ah, Wonderbread. My favorite mildly insulting nickname

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      June 2, 2015 at 8:39 am | #

      Ironically, it’s the most “affectionnate” nickname we ever saw her giving anybody.

      • leadsynth
        leadsynth
        June 2, 2015 at 9:31 pm | #

        Bro. Roomie. Pollyanna. Lisa Simpson.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      June 2, 2015 at 9:44 am | #

      It’s kind of interesting that Sal, who’s been victimized by her parent’s ingrained racism, is pretty casual about referring to Joyce as “insanely white” and to Danny as “wonderbread.” It’s pretty interesting how she equates their dorky fangirling or overall plainness by how white they are.

      • Em
        Em
        June 2, 2015 at 1:26 pm | #

        It’s possible that she herself has racial biases herself.

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 4:08 pm | #

        I don’t think she sees them as racial biases because she isn’t causing them harm. Doesn’t mean she’s right, though.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          June 2, 2015 at 4:46 pm | #

          I’m not trying to compare her reactions to Joyce or Danny to that of her parents, because what the Walktertons have done has been genuinely harmful to Sal all her life, while what she’s said to them is basically just mildly rude at worst.

          • leadsynth
            leadsynth
            June 2, 2015 at 9:37 pm | #

            Wait, do we actually KNOW that Mom and Dad Walkerton have a racial bias against Sal? I thought that was just in Sal’s head? I guess her dad did say that her hair was “so pretty when it’s long and straight,” but…but it IS so pretty when it’s long and straight, so I didn’t really see that as evidence of a racial bias.

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 5:04 pm | #

        You know, I’ve been thinking for a while that mommy Walkerton favored David because he was a boy, not because he was “whiter”.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          June 2, 2015 at 5:23 pm | #

          It’s been outright confirmed to be over racial preferences, both in and out of the comic.

      • drs
        drs
        June 2, 2015 at 6:05 pm | #

        She boned Jason of all people. Maybe she’s sublimating her attraction to desaturated-Americans.

        • Rycan
          Rycan
          June 2, 2015 at 7:39 pm | #

          A desaturated-American would be better known as a mummy.

          • drs
            drs
            June 2, 2015 at 10:16 pm | #

            I think you mean dehydrated. Anyway, I was referring to color saturation.

  56. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    June 2, 2015 at 3:12 am | #

    Why do I get the feeling that Sal boned a teacher at that boarding school, that or a nun.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 8:45 am | #

      That might help explain her willingness to jump in the sack with Jason, sadly.

    • Em
      Em
      June 2, 2015 at 1:27 pm | #

      Oh gross noooo…adults boning kids makes me mad. But it does happen…I think that this happened when she snuck out of her dorm, or snuck someone in the dorm. (in boarding school, just to clarify)

      • Rich
        Rich
        June 2, 2015 at 1:57 pm | #

        I agree it’s vile, but don’t Jason/Sal and Penny/Mike bother you nearly as much? There’s less of a pedo/exploitive caregiver vibe there, but they’re still way older than a freshman and what they’re doing is thoroughly unethical even if the kids are old enough to give informed consent. There’s quite a bit of power disparity even with a TA, after all.

        More likely you’re right and Sal just broke curfew with some townies at some point, though.

        • Em
          Em
          June 2, 2015 at 2:25 pm | #

          Heehee Penny/Mike…I believe she slept with Joe. But while I do agree that there is a power imbalance, and that it’s completely unethical, it is still two consenting adults. And I have less of a problem with that. I don’t like teachers boning students that they have power over. Or anyone having sex with people they have power over, for that matter. (Billie/Ruth) But having sex with kids bothers me way more. WAAAAY more.

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 5:34 pm | #

            Cripes, yeah, Penny/Joe. Am I subconsciously shipping Mike with people? How disturbing.

            • Rycan
              Rycan
              June 2, 2015 at 7:39 pm | #

              I don’t even think Penny is a mother.

        • Rycan
          Rycan
          June 2, 2015 at 6:43 pm | #

          It’s funny – if Sal had come expecting help (which she did), and Jason chose to jump her instead (it was actually the other way around), I’d be bothered a lot more. Should Jason have refused? Of course – it comes with the job.

          As for Penny and Joe, well, it’s Joe. Need I say more?

          Point is, you’re right about the power disparity, but with a college student and a TA, there are plenty of cases where that was irrelevant. Doesn’t make those cases okay – the student may pressure the TA for better grades, or the TA may ruin the student if a messy breakup occurs. It’s just… less wrong than a situation where power is leveraged for sex.

  57. Halcyon42
    Halcyon42
    June 2, 2015 at 3:30 am | #

    No matter what anybody says, in my head this is now somehow based on a true story.

  58. Chrissy
    Chrissy
    June 2, 2015 at 3:31 am | #

    Isn’t that kind of a weird thing to say in front of your sibling? Am I the only one who thinks that?

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      June 2, 2015 at 3:42 am | #

      They have a pretty weird relationship. I’m guessing at least part of it is that Sal still wants family to know that she is a REBEL.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 8:39 am | #

      If you mean discussing your sex life in front of a sibling, that seems normal enough to me. Not like she’s going into graphic detail, and she’s obviously comfortable about the subject. Why would it be weird talking about it in Walky’s presence but not to a room full of near-strangers?

      • zee
        zee
        June 2, 2015 at 9:18 am | #

        Agreed. Me and my brother have discussed this sort of stuff. Not in extreme detail, but at this level, sure. If you’re actually close to your sibling its not that weird.

    • Em
      Em
      June 2, 2015 at 1:29 pm | #

      Depends on your closeness to your sibling. My sister and I talk about sex toys and general sex all the time. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. Then again, I’m very open about my sexual experiences, so it’s rare that I feel odd about opening up. It does happen, but usually not.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 6:44 pm | #

      Not sure if you can count Walky as being ‘present’ right now.

  59. Majere
    Majere
    June 2, 2015 at 4:33 am | #

    I don’t see how this undermines Billie’s point at all, Sal is pretty clearly an enormous nerd.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      June 2, 2015 at 7:34 am | #

      Sal is also so cool Billie is hideously jealous of her.

      • Rycan
        Rycan
        June 2, 2015 at 6:45 pm | #

        This. She’s also more popular than Billie, much to the irritation of both of them.

  60. Spencer
    Spencer
    June 2, 2015 at 6:09 am | #

    So I guess this confirms that Ethan doesn’t recognize Sal. He probably didn’t get a good look at her face during the whole event, and afterwards was more concerned with Amber. He does know that the girl who threatened to stab him is at the college, but unlike Amber he hasn’t been obsessing over that night for the past five years.

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 9:38 am | #

      Honestly, I doubt he’s going make an issue of it when he does find out, unless he feels like he has to for Amber’s sake. It was years ago, he didn’t get a scratch in the incident, Sal served her time for the crimes and got a scar to boot, and he’s not the vindictive or obsessive type. If he doesn’t twig to who she is too early, they might even wind up friends.

      Which could really make things uncomfortable for Amber, but she needs to work past the Sal hate eventually. Ethan and Danny might be able to help with that if they’ve both had positive experiences with Sal.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        June 2, 2015 at 10:17 am | #

        I can sort of see that happen. Ethan I feel doesn’t really put much thought into what happened because he’s more concerned with Amber’s safety, and he’s largely over it because it was a long time ago and also because he puts Amber before his own feelings. I doubt he’ll ever become bros with Sal, what with the whole hostage taking at knifepoint, but his main concern is how Amber is reacting to Sal’s presence, which is why when Amber brought up that she was at the college, Ethan was more worried that Amber was climbing through windows and speaking in third person, and he even described Sal as “some girl” in comparison to Amber’s “evil fuck of a father.”

  61. Les
    Les
    June 2, 2015 at 6:42 am | #

    I’m melting, melting….

  62. Daizy
    Daizy
    June 2, 2015 at 6:50 am | #

    Aw man, now Joyce is gonna have to choose between her love for Sal and her hatred of pre-marital hanky-panky. One the one hand there’s God, but on the other there is a luxurious chocolate river of hair and a motorcycle.

  63. Catty
    Catty
    June 2, 2015 at 7:53 am | #

    Oh, Billie, we get it: when you were a secondary student you did the stupidest, most cringeworthy school-related activity of all time and you think it makes you special. Petty, self-absorbed and indicative of how amazingly little you know of the world.

    On the other hand, I’M the one who’s telling a comic strip character to get a life.

  64. Crumplepunch
    Crumplepunch
    June 2, 2015 at 8:03 am | #

    STILL FITNESS.

  65. Captain Nemo
    Captain Nemo
    June 2, 2015 at 8:14 am | #

    Joyce face is best face

  66. fogel
    fogel
    June 2, 2015 at 8:32 am | #

    Joyce’s eyebrows are grabbing some seriously Big Air.

  67. LordHaw
    LordHaw
    June 2, 2015 at 8:56 am | #

    Sal broke Joyce. You can almost see the steam coming out of her ears…maybe I watch too much anime 😛

    • Catty
      Catty
      June 2, 2015 at 12:48 pm | #

      Baka! No such thing as too much.

      Unless it’s something like Pokemon. Then you need help.

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 5:06 pm | #

        Better Pokémon than crap like Queen’s blade…

        • Rich
          Rich
          June 2, 2015 at 5:32 pm | #

          Queen’s Blade is mild as terrible anime goes. You want to make an anime fan stammer and change the subject, try School Days.

          • drs
            drs
            June 2, 2015 at 6:03 pm | #

            My impression after a Valentine’s Day marathon was that School Days was well done for what it was. Doesn’t mean I’d want to watch it again, but still.

            • Rich
              Rich
              June 2, 2015 at 6:19 pm | #

              Lot of people hate it like poison, and ye gods, that ending. Not that he doesn’t deserve worse, but the girls’ fate makes Romeo & Juliet look cheery by comparison.

              Still, if you want an alternate awful, how’s about Kiss X Sis? Incest ecchi bad enough?

              • ridtom
                ridtom
                June 2, 2015 at 9:32 pm | #

                Ugh, KissxSiss.

                My friends and I used to get drunk and randomly choose manga off of one of the many manga sites. We’d then spin a bottle and have to read at least 5 chapters before describing it in an abriged (i.e. drunk) fashion.

                I got Kissxsiss. I felt my eyes burning in disgust by the 2nd chapter.

                • Rich
                  Rich
                  June 2, 2015 at 10:26 pm | #

                  I think I’d rather play Russian roulette than take my chances on random manga.

              • drs
                drs
                June 2, 2015 at 10:20 pm | #

                Have barely heard of it, so can’t say. Incest has a fine pedigree (…) going back to at least Victorian erotica; this sounds like something that’d be bad for gen use but hot for many people.

                People tell me DBZ consists of many episodes of people yelling at each other, with multiple episodes per powerup. That sounds pretty dreadful, but I have trouble believing them.

                Ooh, Endless Eight. WTF, studio. WTF.

                • drs
                  drs
                  June 2, 2015 at 10:21 pm | #

                  EE is almost literally “too much anime”, of a particular type. Eight almost identical episodes, animated differently each time…

                • Rich
                  Rich
                  June 2, 2015 at 10:43 pm | #

                  OTOH, it does a fantastic job of trolling Haruhi fans, and sitting through all eight episodes really gives you an appreciation of the hell of tedium poor Yuki lived through. Makes her actions in Disappearance more believable.

                  With DBZ, I think I’ll stick to Team Four Star’s version. The description you passed along is only a minor exaggeration of the original.

  68. diello
    diello
    June 2, 2015 at 9:01 am | #

    Best face ever!

    • MiaKitty
      MiaKitty
      June 2, 2015 at 8:03 pm | #

      I literally came to the comments section just to see who had changed their Gravatar to that face. It is truly glorious.

      • diello
        diello
        June 3, 2015 at 2:11 am | #

        It had to be done 🙂

  69. Lulu
    Lulu
    June 2, 2015 at 9:08 am | #

    I feel sorry for Joyce.

  70. zee
    zee
    June 2, 2015 at 9:17 am | #

    This will be Billie’s biggest issue to over come in her life. I realized that learning to stop hating on stuff for no reason is one of the biggest things you can do to grow the fuck up.

    Other music genre’s are not that bad. No one genre of entertainment is truly superior to all others. And it’s OK to stop trying to look cool for the sake of a little harmless fun. I went to plenty of college parties, and they were great, but some of my best night were playing video games or thing similar to A2A with a big group of people.

    It’s honestly sad when people can’t figure out that coolness doesn’t actually matter, and in your pursuit of not being a geek, you miss out on a lot of fun.

  71. Deanatay
    Deanatay
    June 2, 2015 at 9:32 am | #

    Joyce’s red apple: Lusty
    Her green apples:
    Motorcycles
    Whiteboards
    Lightsabers
    Sushi
    Apples to Apples

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 9:40 am | #

      It’s a sign from God, Joyce.

    • No Name
      No Name
      June 2, 2015 at 6:44 pm | #

      Uh, sorry to nitpick, but red apples are the nouns and green apples are the adjectives. You did put the right parts of speech in the right places though.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 6:48 pm | #

      Joyce loves those lusty lightsabers.

  72. Makkabee
    Makkabee
    June 2, 2015 at 10:25 am | #

    Joyce’s face makes me so happy.

  73. BenRG
    BenRG
    June 2, 2015 at 10:33 am | #

    Wow! Billie isn’t a happy bunny-rabbit with this turn of events, is she? Is she jealous of Sal? Or is she just such a bitter spirit that the thought of anyone having fun just makes her fume?

    As for Joyce? Oh, those are stars in her eyes! I still can’t get my head around the fact that she’s somehow imprinted on Sal who is, let’s face it, as close to her diametric opposite as it is possible to get! Yet, somehow, the idea of a game of A2A turning into a first sexual experience entrances her!

    Now, we merely await the response when Amber sees Sal sitting next to her boyfriend and the man she once held hostage. Remembering, of course, that Sal is, after Amber’s father, the most traumatic boogey-man in her fractured psyche. Can you say ‘interesting times’?

    • Em
      Em
      June 2, 2015 at 1:33 pm | #

      Pretty sure Billie is upset that the coolest, sexiest girl she knows just waltzed in and basically made Apples to Apples sound incredibly awesome. Billie did just insult the game. Not only does Sal want to play it, she used to play it ALL THE TIME, AND she got laid because of it.

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        June 2, 2015 at 5:08 pm | #

        I’m not sure getting laid because of a game would impress Billie, of all people.

  74. theheroesofcrash
    theheroesofcrash
    June 2, 2015 at 11:01 am | #

    Poor Billie. She’s so resentful toward Sal because (as far as she knows*) she’s not afraid of doing things for fear of looking uncool, while Billie tries to maintain an air of dignity based on what society has taught her, and in the end misses out on friendship and fun. Billie is kinda like DoA’s Squidward (How’s that for a disturbing analogy?).

    *To be fair, Billie isn’t aware that Sal does hide her “extracurricular math activities”, because she doesn’t want people to know she’s bad at math, that she cares about her grades, and that she’s having an illicit relationship with a snobby, bowtie-wearing nerd. So even Sal cares about her reputation.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 6:51 pm | #

      Pretty sure the tutoring is now completely separate from the affair, given how Danny has been co-opted into providing the former.

  75. Heyitsthatoneguy
    Heyitsthatoneguy
    June 2, 2015 at 11:41 am | #

    Would pay to see that slipshine. Not even out of lust, just because… Apples to Apples? HOW?!

  76. Deanatay
    Deanatay
    June 2, 2015 at 12:18 pm | #

    “Nah, I’m cool bein’ antisocial in my ro-
    Did they just say Apples To Apples??”
    ZIP
    “I’M IN!”

    Ah, the power of gaming.

    • Rycan
      Rycan
      June 2, 2015 at 6:52 pm | #

      Sal is pretty passionate about her games, yes.

  77. Deanatay
    Deanatay
    June 2, 2015 at 12:26 pm | #

    Currently, I count three virgins in the DoA main cast: Joyce, Ethan, and Dina. Walky was one at first, but no longer. Did I miss any?

    (And, no, I didn’t forget about Riley – I said MAIN cast!!)

    • Rich
      Rich
      June 2, 2015 at 12:45 pm | #

      Those are confirmed. If we’re counting everyone on the cast page, Becky is probably a virgin (seemed like she and her partner got caught early) and Carla’s an ace by Word of God so she’s likely one as well. I don’t think Sarah is definitely in either camp by canon unless you count Little Jacob, although she sure doesn’t act like a stereotypical virgin. Mike also isn’t confirmed as either, which is pretty funny considering his Walkyverse antics.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        June 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm | #

        Interesting. I would have put Becky in the ‘not a virgin’ category, as she seems quite converted by her experience, so I’m assumed it was a fulfilling one. (I’m also not sure if ‘virginity’ means anything to lesbians, or what it means.) As for Carla being an ace doesn’t mean you’ve never had sex before – I’d think you’d want to try sex at least once before deciding that it isn’t important.

        • David M Willis
          David M Willis
          June 2, 2015 at 4:50 pm | #

          How many dudes do you gotta have sex with before you can decide you’re not gay?

          • Rich
            Rich
            June 2, 2015 at 6:14 pm | #

            I see your point, but the answer probably varies from person to person. Just because I’d say “zero” doesn’t mean someone else would.

            Carla lives in your head, so I guess we can add her to the canonical list of virgins.

            • Spencer
              Spencer
              June 2, 2015 at 6:30 pm | #

              It’s not necessarily that there’s anything wrong with playing the field a bit before you find an answer, but it’s pretty insulting to say that you don’t *really* know until you’ve tried.

              At the risk of getting up my own ass, I know I’m bisexual, but I haven’t been with another guy before and maybe never will, and that’s fine, but honestly sometimes I tell myself that I don’t count as a bi dude because, hey, I don’t “really know” right?

              Just to be clear, I want to state that I don’t think you or Deanatay were even remotely seriously trying to come to any point like that.

              • Rich
                Rich
                June 2, 2015 at 8:02 pm | #

                Not sure how to respond to that. Labels can be kind of limiting, but I’d say who you’re attracted to is relevant whether you act on those attractions or not. Sexual behavior is discrete from sexual identity, after all. What you call yourself is ultimately up to you, and “just myself” is as valid a choice as “bi” is.

                And now I sound like Ashley over on EGS.

                Anyway, my reasoning behind saying that Carla was “likely” a virgin (rather than definitely) was based on the fact that asexuals sometimes choose to have sex even when they really aren’t interested, not because they necessarily need to experiment to know they aren’t.

                • Spencer
                  Spencer
                  June 2, 2015 at 8:56 pm | #

                  I get that, but I was trying to dissuade the argument Deanatay was making above about wanting to try it once before she dismisses it.

                  That is a perfectly valid and healthy thing for ace people to do, and it is likewise perfectly valid and healthy to say “Nah, not interested.” from the word go, just like how I should be able to say “I’m bi” without second guessing myself over it because I haven’t touched a wiener.

          • Agemegos
            Agemegos
            June 2, 2015 at 11:50 pm | #

            Three.

  78. zebrathinker
    zebrathinker
    June 2, 2015 at 1:11 pm | #

    BILLIE YOU WILL NEVER BE COOL

  79. lomie
    lomie
    June 2, 2015 at 2:00 pm | #

    that story needs to be the next slipshine

    • David M Willis
      David M Willis
      June 2, 2015 at 2:07 pm | #

      please do not request underaged kids to be in slipshines

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        June 2, 2015 at 2:52 pm | #

        Wow, how old was she when she did it? I was assuming she was 16-17 ish. I don’t consider that underage.

        • Em
          Em
          June 2, 2015 at 3:13 pm | #

          18 is the typical age of consent, therefore 16 and 17 is underage. On the internet, any people shown in pornographic form that are under the age of 18 are considered child pornography.

          • Catty
            Catty
            June 2, 2015 at 3:38 pm | #

            Actually, it isn’t typical. Ages below 18 are more common. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent#Law

            The point is that 18 is the typical minimum age of an adult.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            June 2, 2015 at 4:37 pm | #

            18 isn’t the typical AoC…what it is is the typical age to appear in porn. Drawings aren’t settled law in the US, but they are in some other places, and even in the US, you’re liable to be hit with Obscenity, even if not Child Porn, charges.

            • Em
              Em
              June 2, 2015 at 6:39 pm | #

              True. I suppose I just got so used to 18 being the age of consent in my state, that I forgot that it’s often younger elsewhere. I did do some research, and yes, it appears as though comic child pornography is legal because it “isn’t hurting any real children.” It is therefore up to the artist if they wish to draw it. I’m with Willis though on his stance on drawing under 18 porn. Maybe it’s just because of the laws I’m used to, I dunno.

            • Em
              Em
              June 2, 2015 at 6:40 pm | #

              I think I just don’t want to see depictions of kids having sex with each other. I’d rather look at adults.

        • Catty
          Catty
          June 2, 2015 at 3:24 pm | #

          The age of consent in my state is 16 (and I think someone would have to be very uptight about sex indeed to think that was too low). However, depictions of people (even illustrations) who are under the age of adulthood (18) is a different matter (though I don’t understand why I shouldn’t be allowed to publish a drawing of a naked person I’m entitled to have consensual sex with).

          Willis is in the US, which has a global reputation for being full of nitwits who are hysterical about teenagers having sex. So he’s certainly being sensible by avoiding such depictions of under-18s.

          • Catty
            Catty
            June 2, 2015 at 3:45 pm | #

            Oops. I meant to say “an imaginary naked person” etc.

          • Rycan
            Rycan
            June 2, 2015 at 7:03 pm | #

            Or, Willis just doesn’t want to draw teenagers having sex, and would rather stick to drawing adults.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        June 2, 2015 at 3:40 pm | #

        It’s alarming how often you have to say that.

        • Rycan
          Rycan
          June 2, 2015 at 6:57 pm | #

          I was about to comment on the same thing.

  80. Coco Pommel
    Coco Pommel
    June 2, 2015 at 2:36 pm | #

    Joyce’s expression on the last panel makes me giggle.

  81. Vree
    Vree
    June 2, 2015 at 3:47 pm | #

    Joyce: “L-lewd!”

  82. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    June 2, 2015 at 5:11 pm | #

    Suddenly I’m wondering why Dotty’s face in hidden in both panel she appear in.

    maybe…
    She asked alcohol from Billie, too~~ and her face’s flushed.
    Ah well, just making silly theories.

    • Em
      Em
      June 2, 2015 at 6:42 pm | #

      I think it’s merely because the focus is on Joyce, and the camera angle doesn’t allow for her face to be shown.

  83. Clif
    Clif
    June 2, 2015 at 11:39 pm | #

    I don’t know whose face is more entertaining in that last panel, Joyce’s or Billie who’s just been out-cooled.

    This party is such an explosion waiting to go off. And yet it’s almost certain Sal will be gone before Amber gets there, as Damn You Willus teases us.

    Tho, there’s a long shot that I’m wrong and the way to Danny/Ethan is opened up by Amber/Amazigirl breaking up with him because of Sal. And then of course after the Slipshine she discovers her mistake and wants to make up.

    And Mary hasn’t even crashed the party yet.

  84. Ryan Balis
    Ryan Balis
    June 3, 2015 at 12:18 am | #

    No! Premarital Hanky Panky!

  85. Ellen
    Ellen
    June 7, 2015 at 1:42 am | #

    This is my favorite Joyce face ever.

    • Chris
      Chris
      June 7, 2015 at 5:25 am | #

      Seconded. I think I like this face better than all previous Willis-drawn faces combined.

  86. Tunasammich
    Tunasammich
    June 21, 2015 at 4:42 pm | #

    I love that Sal calls Danny “wonderbread” and he’s not even insulted by it

  87. Church
    Church
    July 14, 2015 at 11:10 pm | #

    Are we not going to talk about //wonderbread//

    • Church
      Church
      July 14, 2015 at 11:11 pm | #

      THE FUNNIEST PART IS THAT AN ARTIST NAMED DANNY MADE A SONG CALLED WONDERBREAD IM DYING RIGHT NOW OMG

  88. Onion
    Onion
    May 24, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

    JOYCE’S FACE OH MY GGGGGG

Who should be the default doodle for Book 14?

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CONVENTION APPEARANCES


May 3, 2025 - FCBD @ Laughing Ogre Comics in Columbus, Ohio

David M Willis! avatar
David M Willis!
@damnyouwillis.bsky.social
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9h
Dumbing of Age: "Arch-nemmy" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomics #webcomic
www.dumbingofage.com
Arch-nemmy
6
36
 
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pftompkins.bsky.social's user avatar
Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social ⋅ 11h
I don’t know who needs to see this beyond 99% of users here
It’s a screenshot of the dictionary definition of “rhetorical question”
159
1577
 
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pixelatedboat.bsky.social's user avatar
pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social ⋅ 10h
Me if I ever see Tony Hawk: Hey you’re Tony Hawk the famous skateboarder. That’s right I recognise you. Won’t be able to get any content out of this will you, you piece of shit
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140
1764
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 13h
This is never going away, is it.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 14h
Ordered a TFOne Megatronus card from overseas and it came with some other random cards as packing thanks for the super high Squidward
3
3
21
 
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seanmckeever.com's user avatar
Sean Kelley McKeever @seanmckeever.com ⋅ 21h
How to read all 28 issues of my Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane run on Marvel Unlimited: 1: The first four issues were published as the miniseries "Mary Jane." www.marvel.com/comics/serie...
3
12
35
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 15h
www.ebay.com/itm/23610614... selling my stege shockwave
header image - Transformers War for Cybertron Siege Leader Class Shockwave, loose, complete | eBay
www.ebay.com
Transformers War for Cybertron Siege Leader Class Shockwave, loose, complete | eBay
Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for Transformers War for Cybertron Siege Leader Class Shockwave, loose, complete at the best online prices at eBay! Free shipping for many pro...
1
1
7
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 19h
Dorothy!
dorothy in a dark purple collared shirt and her usual black vest, with cuffed pants
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4
73
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 20h
i want to change the caption's image to a photo of a mountain of ET cartridges in a landfill
2
9
60
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
today in #9chickweedlane i learned we have to be shown children learning and relearning what sex is, for Reasons, even though they already clearly know and have prepared nuanced questions about it! also that Gran must hate, if she's still alive, how Old Juliette is the same but with gray hair
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
one of my favorite things is when a commenter explodes WHEN DO THESE CHARACTERS GET THERAPY but directed towards a character who canonically has a regular therapist
4
2
71
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
www.ebay.com/itm/23609624... Three hours left on this murder machine
header image - Transformers MPM-4 Movie Optimus Prime, boxed/complete but with extra hooks! | eBay
www.ebay.com
Transformers MPM-4 Movie Optimus Prime, boxed/complete but with extra hooks! | eBay
He's been opened, stood on a shelf for a while, and placed back inside.
8
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
mary: dawn says your girlfriend is trying to murder her wilbur: but what about MY happiness okay can we kill wilbur now
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6
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
help I had a big yawny stretch after I got into bed and threw out my back
4
1
61
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Dumbing of Age: "Dotty" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomics #webcomic
www.dumbingofage.com
Dotty
2
3
43
 
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Brandy Jensen @brandyjensen.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
fuck off
439
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11482
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Phew, they made NoHo Hank wear pants.
A McFarlane Toys action figure of Metamorpho, from James Gunn's Superman movie.  He's wearing pants.
6
3
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
where's my hour loop of Vader fist-dancing
preternia.com's user avatarpreternia @preternia.com ⋅ 2d
Hot Toys Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith 1/6 Scale Darth Vader Deluxe ($495) & Standard ($315) is up for preorder at Sideshow - shrsl.com/4wcx6 #ad If you preorder make sure to hit the Exclusive versions since they include a commemorative plaque and cost the same.
2
1
16
 
reposted by David M Willis!
ryannorth.ca's user avatar
Ryan North @ryannorth.ca ⋅ 2d
hey, FANTASTIC FOUR got an Eisner nomination for best ongoing series!! I think this news is... really great! Fantastic even :0
the cover of FF #1 featuring some beautiful art of said Fantastic Four
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926
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
oh no, new content over at the nsfw patreon joe introduces joyce to fingers that aren't breaded chicken www.patreon.com/posts/joe-fi...
tastefully cropped art of joe and joyce discovering the joys of fingers
5
6
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
I may have to pin this
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatarDavid M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 5d
btw if you're one of those rando bluesky weirdos who doesn't know me but sees me in the wild being sarcastic and don't know i'm being sarcastic because you haven't taken like 30 seconds to, like, maybe look at my user profile or something, keep walking, you're not going to score internet points here
4
1
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
#relatable
header image - a man in a hospital gown says
media.tenor.com
a man in a hospital gown says " stop pooping " to another man
ALT: a man in a hospital gown says " stop pooping " to another man
1
30
 
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osmote.net's user avatar
OSMOTE @osmote.net ⋅ 2d
Screenshot of Jonathan Frakes on the set of Beyond Belief
brendelbored.bsky.social's user avatarBrendel @brendelbored.bsky.social ⋅ 1y
Politico: Ever been slapped by breasts?
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1728
 
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joshuajfriedman.com's user avatar
Joshua J. Friedman @joshuajfriedman.com ⋅ 3d
Here's an entertaining cite at the bottom of the first page
The problems with this prosecution are legion, but most immediately, the
government cannot prosecute Judge Dugan because she is entitled to judicial immunity for her official acts. Immunity is not a defense to the prosecution to be determined later by a jury or court; it is an absolute bar to the prosecution at the outset. See Trump v. United States,
603 U.S. 593, 630 (2024).
joshgerstein.bsky.social's user avatarJosh Gerstein @joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
JUST IN: Milwaukee Judge Hannah Dugan moves to dismiss federal criminal case against her for allegedly helping immigrant hide from ICE. Her lawyers say she's protected by official acts & judicial immunity and 10th Amendment. Doc: storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
storage.courtlistener.com

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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Dumbing of Age: "Up, continued" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomic #webcomics
www.dumbingofage.com
Up, continued
3
5
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theonion.com's user avatar
The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 3d
Where did Hollywood go so wrong? I thought movies were supposed to be an escape from reality, a chance to put your worries aside and not have to think about any underlying ideas or concepts. Well, not anymore. theonion.com/you-can...
header image - You Can’t Even Watch A Movie Anymore Without Seeing Some Theme Explored
theonion.com
You Can’t Even Watch A Movie Anymore Without Seeing Some Theme Explored
I’ve loved movies ever since I was a little kid. Just stepping into that dark theater, with the smell of fresh popcorn, was like being transported to a whole other world. It used to be so magical. But now I’m thinking about boycotting movies altogether. Why? Because I can’t seem to watch one anymore without […]
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1995
 
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
GOTTEM
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12
122
 
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parsnip.bsky.social's user avatar
geoffrey @parsnip.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
the 90s were a wild time. if i told you how many magazines there were you wouldnt even believe me
315
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7658
 
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aubreygilleran.bsky.social's user avatar
Aubrey Gilleran @aubreygilleran.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
It's not a new argument, of course, but Chesterton dismissed it effectively in 1908. "You will hear everlastingly... this argument that the rich man cannot be bribed. The fact is, of course, that the rich man is bribed; he has been bribed already. That is why he is a rich man."
atrupar.com's user avatarAaron Rupar @atrupar.com ⋅ 3d
Hawley dismisses Trump lining his pockets with his memecoin: "Listen, I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for?"
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2268
 
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catacalypto.bsky.social's user avatar
Cat Manning @catacalypto.bsky.social ⋅ 12d
1984 calendar meme reading 1529, the year of the first Ottoman siege of Vienna
spavel.bsky.social's user avatarPavel🐀 @spavel.bsky.social ⋅ 12d
Who can forget the Swiss-Austrian Union, or its famous capital - Istanbul.
AI generated ad by a company called Travello showing the 10 most visited cities in Europe, except the cities are hilariously poorly placed. London is in Wales, Paris is in Ireland, Rome is in France, Rom (yes like Rome but without an E) is in Spain, Barcelona is in Morocco, Prague is in Germany, Vienna is in Italy, Istanbul is in Austria, Milan is in Libya, and Antalya is correctly shown as in Turkey but is in the wrong place. Also a few of the borders like Switzerland and Austria or Hungary and Slovenia are missing.
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