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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 4h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 16h
The Emotion Engine @emotion-engine.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
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Frances “Poet Laureate of the Robot Alliance” Klein @fklein907.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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| TEAM FOSSILS
Rainbow Friends
What happened to “Eagle One”?
Or better yet, “If I had to pick a girl”.
Ethan is “It happened once in a dream”
Yes. Yes it did.
Walky is Eagle Two.
Walky: Oh, thank god.
Wait no – if Dorothy is “Eagle One”, Walky is “Currently Doing That”… and then the analogy implodes on itself, so Joyce is Eagle One, and Walky is Eagle Two
…does that mean that Sal is “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it”?
Wait I understand these references! It’s Parks and Rec! Yay! I feel included ^___^
or is this like when a friend steals your phone and changes random names to Batman
I don’t think I have that friend
Mike will be that friend.
No, he changes everyone’s name to those of wanted criminals and terrorists.
All of whom are named batman.
OR changes the numbers and leaves names and such the same. He might get a laugh out of making people accidentally send, ah, inappropriate messages to the wrong recipients.
You’re supposed to be sending inappropriate messages to the right recipients?
I’ve been doing it wrong
Man, now I really want to change Mom/Dad in someone’s phone to their gf/bf’s name. >:D
I’m, uh… I’m the only person in the world who double-checks the number before I send the text, aren’t I? *sigh* *feels old*
@Kriss LaBryn I for one wouldn’t be able to tell if somebody changed around like my boyfriend’s name with my dad’s. Why memorize numbers if my phone can do that yknow
@Kriss LaBryn No, I do that too, you never know who’s been messing with your phone when you weren’t looking.
i feel like Mike would change all of Joyce’s contact names to famous gay pornstars, which would lead to her looking them up
He would change all of the profile pictures to pictures of dicks.
Mike would add thoughtful and surprisingly perspicuous comments about likely romantic comparability and ‘GET LAID NOW’ at the bottom. He’d also send obscene come-on messages to those he adjudges the highest probability of romantic ‘hits’ for Joyce because, you know, EvLulz with a heart of gold, just like his Walkyverse counterpart.
Changes everyone else’s name to NA, and his own to Batman.
I love this idea, but sadly, phones generally show contacts in alphabetical order, thus ruining the picture that I assume you have in mind here.
Third!
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Also, “Roll, perfect cinnamon”? What does that mean?
Well Dorothy does have nice buns.
*slow clap*
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/beautiful-cinnamon-roll-too-good-for-this-world-too-pure
it’s… the first time I hear of that meme.
know ya meme, son
You lucky bastard.
Me too. >.>
Now I want to know if Joyce has ever heard of the onion
Joyce: Wait the thing about Harry Potter premoting witchcraft was a joke?
Probably just through ignorant reshares from the kind of people who think McDonalds would create a character called “the Hammurderer.”
I have read your link, and I still don’t understand it.
It’s a meme from about a year ago – an Onion headline: “Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure”
But wait, isn’t Walky the one who’s skin was compared to cinnamon?
Caramel. It’s a different kind of deliciousness.
So, Walky+Becky = Caramel cinnamon rolls?
(Too good for this world, too pure)
Wait, this is Dorothy, d’ohh! Why can’t I edit
Heh, I never knew the Onion started it. You learn something new every day!
Just that Joyce put Dorothy down in her phone as Perfect Cinnamon Roll for her name, i.e. a really affectionate nickname.
that’s probably a reference to this Onion article from last year
It’s a recent internet phrase that comes from an article in The Onion about a cinnamon roll. It’s now applied to characters or people who are just really, really nice.
http://www.theonion.com/article/beautiful-cinnamon-roll-too-good-for-this-world-to-35038
so close
…Perfect Cinnamon Roll reference.
So Dorothy.
much president
Mmm Cinnamon roll, I’d vote for that.
wow
many votes
Vote Dorothy Keener 2036 – The Perfect Cinnamon Roll
She’d only be 39 then. I think 2044 is much more viable.
Are you kidding? She’ll still be a freshman!
Is that the Grindr app?
Why would she have it? It’s not like she has someone speci- hey wait a minute!
*plays Steve Winwood’s “Roll With It” on the hacked Muzak*
Ouch! That’s a particularly good one today. I was thinking “Rolling on the River” but yours is better.
My second choice was Bob Segur & the Silver Bullet Band’s “Roll Me Away”.
An even more apt choice might be “Cinnamon Girl”.
Correct.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAdtUDaBfRA
By Request.
I’ve been seeing this and always wondered, what is a “Muzak”?
It’s that piped-in, watered-down instrumental music that one finds wafting tinnily through elevators, lobbies, and waiting rooms. It’s supposed to be the kind of thing you can hear in the background without actually listening to it.
A.k.a. “elevator music”. When I was a kid it was called “easy listening”. Muzak and Seeburg were two of the biggest companies that did this.
Yep. Uncomfortable that your pedastal is crumbling.
I’m not sure I understand the back to the fountain part…?
Joyce doesn’t like to see naked ladies.
Less likely for a man to sneak up from behind that way.
Rapists, like vampires, can not cross flowing water.
Where’s the upvote button for this.
Like keeping your back to a wall, people can’t sneak up behind you.
Not very easily, at least. Water is still easier to sneak through than walls.
Still messy, though.
The fountain depicts a naked lady
No one can sneak up behind her.
That way no one can come from behind her…at least not without her hearing them splashing around.
If Joyce has her back to the fountain, no-one can come up behind her.
Unless they are a dolphin.
Fucking dolphins.
And another Slipshine is born.
But dolphins are harmless and cute…when the males aren’t in mating season.
Tell that to the sharks.
Rule of thumb: it’s not harmless, especially if it’s cute.
No, it’s pretty well documented that dolphins kill other animals for fun. Particularly porpoises and sharks. And then there’s the fact that they’ll murder their children in order to free up the females for mating.
She can’t be attacked from behind that way. She terrified of being assaulted again.
Never thought of that. I figured it was so she wouldn’t have to look at the “naked chick in a clam getting spit on by fish” in the fountain.
…I should’ve realized that lots of people would immediately respond. Anyway yep those are the two reasons I would pick.
Oooh, yes, that makes sense. Me, I’d still feel uncomfortable with my back to the fountain because, I still perceive it as open space, but I guess that’s not the case for everyone. Thanks everyone for clearing that up for me. :3
http://www.itswalky.com/comic/college-ho-page-4/
pls somebody notice that i found this i searched way too long for it only to realize that it was page 4
I see and notice. I also notice what time it is, good grief. G’nite.
(Kinda outdated though; this Joyce is much better adjusted)
too pure
at first i was surprised that joyce was aware of that meme, but then i figured she probably heard it once and immediately adopted it into her regular vocabulary she liked it so much
Dorothy Keener confirmed to be too good for this world, too pure.
At least according to Joyce. Source may be biased.
Does that count as a Death Flag?
No, a Death Flag would be if the next strip showed Dorothy receiving an invitation to Yale right after getting Walky to come clean with his problems and promising to help him.
Or, you know, if anyone were to suddenly comment about how their life is looking up and nothing could possibly bring them down.
Dorothy shows her lab partner a picture of a boat she’s thinking of renting for a weekend with Walky after finals.
As close to the ‘retiring cop buying a boat’ cliche as I could get.
Spiders Joyce is an outlier that should not be counted.
If there’s anyone who’s an authority on too pure for this world, it’s Joyce.
Joyce’s Wikipedia edits are often reverted.
Perfect Cinnamon ? XD
I had no idea Joyce thought Dorothy was so tasty! LOL
Suddenly I wonder whether cinnamon works well with caramel.
Caramel-cinnamon rolls, heck yeah!
Or have the caramel-cinnamon baked right into the dough? And then, drizzle some orange frosting on it? ^_^
Curses. Now I need to learn to bake cinnamon rolls.
Wait, you lost me… who does the orange frosting represent?
I think it’s supposed to be Becky.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I was thinking of actual orange flavored frosting, but yeah, a little bit of Becky in our metaphorical baking wouldn’t go amiss! ^_^
I understand their various reasonings but oh my GOD I wish these kids would talk to an adult/had an RA that wasn’t a trash mammal and could help them.
“Trash mammal” is the greatest insult I’ve ever heard. This gives me LIFE.
Guys please. Don’t insult raccoons,they are doing it for a living.
I prefer garbage golem.
Joyce knows tumblr memes. The end times have come.
Just wait till she finds the guy x guy fanfic blogs.
Oh Amber knows all about those, she can show Joyce! Amber for sure makes fanart of various naked male superheroes getting it on with each other.
How do you think she found the tumblr memes in the first place?
Sal and Sarah have kind of a lot in common, protecting Joyce while not openly admitting that they care quite as much as they do.
Well… Sarah came close, once?
For a second, I thought, “Roll, perfect cinnamon” was some a weird idiom. Like a reassuring phrase.
“Roll, you perfect cinnamon! Roll!”
I have no idea how one could translate that.
“Let’s roll, you perfect cinnamon!” I’m using that one when I get into a car chase – or more realistically, for setting out a plan.
Roll, Perfect Cinnamon.
A last, middle, and first name
Perfect Cinnamon Roll.
You roll a natural perfect cinnamon. Your character has been fed.
“Mermaid, Dorothy You Poetic Noble Land”
“Musk-Ox, Beautiful Talented Brilliant Powerful”
Reminds me of the ultimate in besties: Leslie and Ann.
Okay we can figure this one out
Roll perfect cinnamon is RPC
RPC stands for Remote Procedure Call
The person who coined RCP was named Bruce
Bruce rhymes with Ruth
Ruth is Dorothys RA
This makes perfect sense
Why not? That logic worked for Black Dynamite.
And Dorothy went down the yellow brick road
Yellow is the color of gold
the symbol of gold is Au
Au is short for austraila
Austrilia has dingos
Dingos eat babies, babies drink milk
milk has calcium
Calcium is needed to absorb vitamin d
We get vitamin D from the sun
The sun is yellow
Amazi girl is yellow
But we already know that Amber is Amazi-girl…So that tells us that Dorothy must be Amber!
TWINS
Jeff Goldblum approves.
I like the way you think
Wait, I’m confused. Does this confirm Illuminati, Half-Life 3 or both?
You know, Joyce is so obsessed with hair that I’m starting to genuinely wonder if she has a problem with faces.
I doubt it. If Joyce had difficulty with faces, we’d have strips where she’s talking to Walky and trying to remember who the heck this is who’s talking to her, or wandering around trying to find people based on recollections of their clothes and hair and a prayer that they’ll be located near here they were last time. And worst of all, she wouldn’t have a clear recollection of her attacker’s face, making it nigh impossible to recognize him.
Seriously. You made a comment about Joyce and FACE(s). And no one responded to it? What has become of this once-vibrant community.
Too easy, we do have some standards.
Do we?
Yes. One of those standards is to say FAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.
Hah, I knew someone would bite.
thats called Prosopagnosia.
crap that was a reply to Raen
I once met somebody with prosopagnosia. In addition to serious trouble recognizing faces, he also had trouble distinguishing things in categories, like, he said he’d never be able to tell apart / remember different breeds of dogs, or species of birds, or types of cars. (Maybe he could with a huge amount of work but he had other things to do.)
Like he was confused by what makes a vulture different from a robin or he just couldn’t remember the names? Or if asked to describe how a vulture and robin are different he’d had trouble remembering which features go with which?
Huh, that’s fractionally odd, because for a lot of people its something slightly more specific to faces, and they latch onto other types of traits to try and help. Though its something with huge variation!
I vote for barely-suppressed trichophagia, myself.
“Ah ain’t gonna be no regular chauffeur. Ahm gonna be an advice givin’ chauffeur.”
Cannot help picturing Sal as the Alfred to Amazi-Girl’s Batman.
Eh thats more of Dannys job Sal isn’t nearly straight laced enough for that.
Danny’s not nearly smart and insightful and classy enough for that.
Jason! what its the closet to alfred we’ve got
What about Ethan?
hmmm, on another note Danny is Jimmy olson
He even slightly resembles the animated version
Aaand that is where my super limited knowledge of the DC verse fails me. So I’ll just add that Walky’s totally Beast Boy and back away to let the experts talk. XD
Is no one wondering what DC hero suits Mike?
inqntrol-
Mike is clearly Darkseid.
Blaine could work for darkseid.
Blaine would be every non-dead parent in the DCU because are any of them not abusive nowadays?
Danny is Lois Lane, I think that’s been covered. I can’t respond to inqntrol for some reason, but I assert that Mike is not a different DC hero at all, and is in fact, also Batman. He is the darker side of Batman with all his intelligence, manipulation, and gambits. Perhaps there is a Batman villain who is like this to better fit Mike. Hush maybe?
Sal will teach all her customers valuable life lessons, but all of them will be about riding motorcycles and drinking in Walmart parking lots.
Showing a close-up of a phone screen is so last decade. All the TV and movies now are using popup insets instead.
reely?
Oh my god, one of my friends who’s a stage manager calls her cast ‘perfect cinnamon rolls,’ do you have some kind of spiritual connection with her or something, Willis?
J/k is a tumblr thing, I understand now
Dammit Willis now I want Cinnabon. Thanks for making me hunger for that which doesn’t exist in my hillbilly hell.
That sense of dread is creeping up on me.
It’s been getting me more and more every strip, but this one is especially… dread inducing. Joyce alone with her PTSD. I really hope Becky and Dina show up in the next strip.
How long to the hospital preview panel now?
November 10th…I only know cause it’s the same day that Fallout releases…
So basically, soon in their time… eep.
Adding fuel to the doom train?
This is the preview panel for October 11th, i.e. 4 days from now:
http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/124539780842/october-11
So either Dorothy uncharacteristically takes this phone call badly or some serious shit is about to go down on someone.
oshit
Maybe Toedad will make it back to campus
Joyce gets startled that Dorothy is coming to talk to her. They have a civil conversation and Dorothy forgives her.
Becky and Dina come back and everything is fine.
Toedad dies on the way back to his home planet.
This is the absolute truth.
I think that it would be in character for Dorothy to scold Joyce if she were satisfied that she’d done something wrong and wasn’t making amends. However, I think it is much more likely that Dorothy doesn’t mention any problems and Joyce doesn’t mention any of her problems because, in the end, she’s frightened to. The picture is her after hanging up knowing that she’s just betrayed Sal’s trust.
Possible semi-madcap answer. Dorothy takes the call using a Skype-style video-phone service but she’s hungover, half-naked and flashes an unprepared Joyce. This picture is set after Joyce realises that she’s saved a screengrab to her ‘My Pictures’ library without even being consciously aware of it.
Sorry. Cinnabons reserved for hillbilly heaven.
You realize, of course, that by the time this comic makes it into book #6 that “cinnamon roll” meme is going to be as passé as the Hamster Dance or the Dancing Baby.
Then the joke would be about how Joyce is into old memes, so it’s no big loss.
But don’t most people who buy the books read the strips here first anyway? IDK, this is just a random assumption I’m making.
A while back in a comment thread re: spoilery book titles, Willis mentioned that there was a nontrivial portion of his fanbase that only reads the comic via the books and/or his tumblr posts.
Huh, I wasn’t expecting that. Kudos to the book fans for waiting so long. I can hardly bear the 24h suspense most of the time. XD
I remember at the end of the book before last I had decided I would wait a month before reading so I could read a whole bunch at once rather than getting crumbs daily…that plan lasted all of 10 minutes.
It does make me yearn for when I first stumbled upon this comic and thought I’d never be able to catch up to the newest strip.
It’s always fun discovering a new webcomic and speeding through the archives.
I recently started reading Strong Female Protagonist and Lighter than Heir and they were both so good, and now I’m chomping at the bits for new pages.
Dang webcomic creators, why do you guys need sleep and food and stuff
That’s going to be true with any current pop-culture reference, though. That kinda comes with the territory of an “always current” time scale.
I’m not sure I find that likely, because unlike dancing hamsters (I miss them, in a way) it would need something to replace it to a certain extent.
Well of course Willis had to use a meme from early 2014, that’s when he drew the comic!
If chauffeurs ruled the world
That’s what I’d like to see
‘Cause everyone in the world
Would take a backseat to me
Describing Dorothy in terms of flavor, are we, Joyce?
Seriously. This is just adorable. Joyce’s admiration of Dorothy is heartwarming (and I’m so glad Sal finally got her to text) and I kinda agree with Joyce’s sentiment.
Well, Becky used to do that to show friendship, so… ohhhhhh.
Ooooooh! indeed
USED to. Now, she only describes friendship in terms of dinosaurs.
Now I want to know the origin of Dorothy’s screen-name!
Poor Sal, I would really hate to be in her situation. She’s a nice person and a caring person but she can’t let herself admit it even to herself because she’s so afraid of being vulnerable! Meanwhile, I’ve got the feeling that she’s going to be hanging around until her next class practising being lonely and maybe wishing that she’d had the guts to just sit with Joyce rather than run away like that.
Possibly even close enough that she can check on Joyce now and then to make sure she is OK.
Why am I reading these comments again instead of doing my 8 page piano-to-string-section transcription that is due in a couple hours.
Some questions answer themselves.
No, Joyce. You’re the perfect cinnamon roll. IT’S YOU.
They both are. They are both perfect and its beautiful.
Becky, of course, is the perfect Candy Corn
OK, I need some help. I totally do not get the joke/special meaning of “Roll, Perfect Cinnamon” in the final panel. :/
“Perfect cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure” was an article on the Onion. It has since become synonymous to any good/cute character ever.
It’s a meme: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/beautiful-cinnamon-roll-too-good-for-this-world-too-pure
I guess I understand why Joyce is disappointed in Dorothy’s drinking; she put the presidential hopeful on a pedestal.
Where did Joyce get a picture of Dorothy flashing the peace sign?
Is Dorothy a secret fangirl for Richard Nixon?
The vowels in “chauffeur” stick together in pairs. Alphabet 1, Joyce 0.
So do the consonants. Except for that lonely r. I mean, the r is just an innocent bystander, right? Right?
I’m told that ‘Cinnamon Roll’ is a Tumblr compliment for a nice person. Is that a name Dorothy chose for herself or is that the name for her contact profile on Joyce’s ‘phone?
Probably the name Joyce put in for her contact. I don’t see Dorothy calling herself Perfect Cinnamon Roll.
Y’know, Sal, if you’re looking to make some new friends, you could do a lot worse than Joyce.
Eh, she could also do better.
Joyce would probably bring sprite to the parking lot.
I’m not thinking of how Joyce got a peace-singed picture of Dorothy.
How did she get the picture to be cinnamon-colored…?
Also, why are people saying that Joyce has problems with hair?
I wouldn’t say she has a problem with hair so much as it’s hinted she has a fetish for long, straight hair.
Having part of what would have been her inner monologue as dialog, we know that, upon meeting Sal and maybe one other, she’s compelled to brush it.
I’m assuming that the skateboarder grinding on the fountain in the background of panel one faceplanted before panel two when we weren’t looking at him. Because that’s what always happens.
I’m wondering if “Perfect Cinnamon” is Dorothy’s nickname for Walky. Is cinnamon close enough to caramel (as in abs)?
Uh, guys?
http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/130773484652/hank
I think bad things are about to happen.
Who’s Hank again? Judging by eye, hair colour, and your comment that him being around means bad things are gonna happen, am I right to assume he’s Joyce’s dad, come to make sure his daughter isn’t harbouring Becky?
Oh, nevermind, I should have looked him up in the tags before commenting. Yeah. Bad things, bad things.
…she’s gonna call Walky instead, isn’t she ?
I never thought I was going to get to the end. I only started this today. I’m a little upset this hasn’t progressed further. I thought for sure that because the dates I saw in the beginning were from 2012 that at least a year would have gone by in the comic.
The reason why I am disappointed in this is that if this is the rate the comic progresses I’m not expecting to see any massive amounts of growth for years to come. That is, if the comic is still going. :c
Though the story has been very enjoyable thus far. It has also made me live vicariously through these characters for a bit. I have no gone back to school, if I did I don’t think I’d have any friend circles. I live alone and life sucks. Again, I’m glad for the interactions of others.
Blessing and a curse I suppose.
This comic is not meant to go beyond freshman year.