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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net ⋅ 8h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social ⋅ 1dDavid M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg @theradr.bsky.social ⋅ 22d
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surprised she didn’t feel it once or twice during the night
I’m surprised she put together what he was talking about so quickly. Old Joyce would have had a strip or two of comical misunderstanding.
In my headcanon Joyce knows about morning wood from Amber’s slashfic
Honestly, that’s the only option that makes any real sense.
She put it together faster than I did, and I’ve had 2 very serious relationships which should make me more familiar with the concept than her… RIP, me
My guess is she knows because she has two older brothers (and a sister who she grew up thinking was a brother).
Similar to how, if a boy grows up with multiple sisters he’s likely gonna become aware of periods and PMS.
Or is it working diligently to misunderstand something that was understood correctly?
Remember that Joyce was the Ding Dong Drawing Bandit.
I mean, given how she was sleeping, she almost certainly did. She might have been too sleepy to register it at the time.
Imagine if both of them had wet dreams at the same time…
They might leave a leaky puddle on the sheets… eheh~ ^//^
I mean as a man I can say men don’t normally pop night boners. If you do you’re probably awake already and horny. Unless Joe’s packing some major size I think Joyce would be okay.
He’s tall and built. And look how much that thing still juts out.
“i’m lookiting! i’m lookiting!”
–Dave, identify the classic comic reference
Peanuts, said by Charlie Brown.
i’m glad to know i’m not the only one
who has that entire canon stuffed
inside a brain lobe somewhere
–Dave, … not a haiku
during puberty, 2-3 hours of sleep boners a night. Decreases with age.
They mostly coincide with REM during puberty, so if you didn’t ever wake then, you might not have noticed.
hm, my brother apparently never wakes up during REM, but we’re not a “tell me about your erections” type of family, so it will remain a mystery.
Eh, “morning wood” is pretty dang common. Bladder can press on stuff triggering erection which annoyingly involves a valve that blocks urine.
No… they literally do… multiple times a night.
It’s not an ‘aroused’ or ‘not aroused’ thing. It’s basically a ‘maintenance/test mode’ that happens during a normal sleep cycle – making sure the ‘plumbing’ still works. Since most people have multiple sleep cycles a night… ergo.
Biologically, it’s an important part of anatomy needed to further the species, so keeping it up and running (no pun intended) is a part of the species’ subconscious Biological Imperative.
Most males are not even aware of it when it’s happening. Again, it’s not an arousal thing – it’s simply a case of the body making use of the downtime caused by sleep itself to get some of its checklists taken care of. Whether one has ‘The Wood’ when they wake is simply a roll of the dice as to when in their sleep cycle they wake up combined with when the actual ‘testing’ takes place.
I’ve heard that if you go to a doctor for impotence, one of the first tests is for night boners*. If you don’t have them they look for a physical cause. If you do they look for a psychological cause.
* They give you basically blank postage stamps to wrap around it. If the strip is broken in the morning, you had a night boner.
I guess I’ll take an “L” on this one, or maybe a “D” would be more appropriate in my sexual education. Everyone seems to know more about boners than I. Weird considering I have a functioning penis but you learn something new everyday.
LOL, ‘D’ is better than ‘F’. (Maybe?)
Honestly, willing to learn/accept new knowledge is much more important than already knowing all the things!
well, this is the sort of thing they literally don’t TEACH you in US schools
until you get to some specialized college courses
which most folks don’t take anyway
one of my old friends is closely associated with the Penis Museum
so yes, it’s possible to learn about on the Internet
down various rabbitholes, so to speak
I didn’t know a Penis Museum existed but now all I want to see is an episode of Scooby-Doo where the gang has to find a ghost that’s haunting the old abandoned penis museum.
Honestly I’d rather have that than the new Velma. -_-
I learned about it in middle school sex ed, and I’ve lived in Indiana since just before I turned 4. Some districts are woefully lacking in proper sex ed, but thankfully not all. IIRC I read a statistic once that 40% of US districts had an abstinence only curriculum, and like 15% has fully comprehensive sex ed, with the remaining 45% falling somewhere in between the two extremes (often covering the basics of STDs and birth control, but leaving a lot of stuff that isn’t directly about the consequences of sex and how to protect against them out). If I’m recalling those numbers accurately (I could very easily not be, and they could have changed since then since it’s been like a decade since I read that), it’s still pretty terrible, but not quite as bad as some people like to make it out to be.
It’s worth keeping in mind that A, just because you HAVE something as part of your biology in no way means you actually understand it or know much about it, look at the entire history of medicine and all the nonsense people used to believe (and many still do) about various body parts for evidence of that, and B, when you are asleep you are by definition not consciously aware, and as such you are literally the least qualified person to report about what you do when asleep, look at the people who claim they don’t snore immediately after being informed by someone who spent the night in the room with them that they were snoring as evidence of that.
“I should know, I have a penis” is really just not great reasoning. It’s kind of like when I talk about publicly available historical information with my mom about the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s and she’s like “I was actually alive then, and that isn’t true” as though her personal experiences and recollections are somehow more valid than articles written by people who were directly involved in the matters in question, or by historians who spoke to a large number of people involved, or actual recordings made at the time.
Interestingly, I think girls might experience morning wood less often? I can’t remember the last time I’ve had it since starting HRT.
Has it altered your sleep cycle at all in other ways? Are you still waking at the same times as previously, and so not likely to be randomly missing it?
I’ve been on HRT for, like, four years. My sleep schedule’s gotten around just about everywhere over such a long period of time. Not randomly per day, just, you know, normal oscillations over the course of 48 months.
Yeah, it’s a testosterone thing.
Sucks, if you like your D and like your E, because it’s a lot harder to avoid shrinkage, and then when you *do* have a use for it, it becomes a blivet
From what I understand, the more you use it, the less it shrinks. It definitely varies, too!
I’ve been wondering about that a bit. I’ve been on HRT for about 2 1/2 years now, but know it still sometimes happens, just not like it did a decade ago. Of course I’m also in my 50s, so HRT or age — take your pick!
Never been on HRT – but diabetes drugs, I’m looking at YOU, Lyrica (with a sideeye at metformin), can totally drain one’s physical libido, so that while the view is still quite appreciated, the fire doesn’t start in the belly, the steam boiler doesn’t fire up, and nothing goes SPROING without a good bit of effort
this is not a “don’t get old, kids”, it’s specifically a “stay away from diabetes, kids”
As a man I can say I definitely do pop night boners.
Actually you get several a night (on average) as your body works to keep things from atrophying. You just sleep through them.
I know everyone corrected this message in the replies already, but nobody wrote that this is called “nocturnal penile tumescence” so obviously I have to.
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/narnia/images/8/8a/Ftum1.png/revision/latest?cb=20170522125002
BAND NAAAME
Actually, it is pretty common, if you are asleep, you are going to have erections, seems to be tied to the parasympathetic nervous system. By the time you are awake enough to get up and walk around, it usually goes away. Women do it as well, just not as noticeable.
I did not expect this comment section to be so educational.
Thrice. Maybe thriceteen.
Joe should have “retreat” it, when he figured out Joyce was sleeping with him.
at college age, they’re still not always voluntary
*plays “Filthy/Gorgeous” by Scissor Sisters on hacked muzak*
Chef’s kiss
Joyce please stop demonstrating how I socialize I read webcomics for escapism not to be called out every other day.
So is this like confirmation Joe’s into lady poop smell? I think it is.
Just morning wood, I think.
Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner all cis dudes get every morning
Where did this every dude gets a boner every morning belief come from? I feel like I just got gaslight from my own life experience. Like I woke up this morning boner free as I have every morning for years. Am I just old? I feel like I’d remember if I was plagued by boners in my teen years and I was as horny as the next guy.
I had morning wood often for decades.
What I never had was a wet dream.
I think people are just different and the “everyone has it/does it/gets it” stuff is nuanced enough to know, yet doesn’t get mentioned often enough in sex ed classes or The Talk with parents.
I also never had wet dreams, but definitely get morning wood.
Based on a “Biology of Sex” freshman course decades ago, nocturnal emissions happen because a prostate is always producing fluid, about a milliliter a day.* If the tank gets too full without being otherwise drained**, a wet dream results.
* Production increases greatly when you are aroused, but it never completely stops.
** Which need not involve other people, of course.
that’s a lot more academic how I was going to say, “blue balls cause wet dreams”
I also generally don’t get morning wood. It’s certainly a pervasive idea, but it’s definitely not universal.
It’s not an ‘every morning’ thing… it’s a ‘multiple times while asleep’ thing. It’s just luck of the draw whether one just happens to wake (or be woken) up at the same moment one of those times is happening.
Vascoconstriction in genitals happens to everyone during a full sleep cycle, but whether it results in a noticeable erections depends on different factors. Age is one, blood pressure, how well you’re sleeping, some medications affect this, even temperature of the room you’re in can have an impact (yes, there may be too many studies on sleep erections). Along which part of the sleep cycle you wake up in, there are many factors which mean you don’t experience morning wood.
}- there may be too many studies on sleep erections)
i did not understand these words in this order
Maybe you wake up right after.
Testostorone cycle peaks right before waking and is often the trigger
You just sleep enough, so you wake up after it’s all over. If you used an alarm clock and a cup of coffee every morning, there’s a good chance you’d wake up with a raging boner, and no arousal whatsoever, every morning.
I’m over 50, and I still have morning wood almost every day. It’s been that way my whole life. It’s got nothing to do with actually being aroused, I even have it after waking up from a completely non-sexual nightmare.
I’m not saying something is wrong, you could be absolutely fine. But you might want to talk to a doctor about it.
As others have said though, it’s more likely that you’re just not waking up in that part of the cycle as that it’s not happening.
How’d you take it from “Yeah, it happens” to “All cis dudes every morning”? That’s a really silly leap.
Sirksome was replying to TrueVCU, who said, and I quote, “Indeed, that is not a horny boner that is just a free neutral boner *all cis dudes* get *every morning*”, emphasis mine. (This is meant in a neutral tone, hopefully not coming across as rude.)
It’s not rude. At least not to me. I really try to take each comment in the best light possible. Most people try to correct or inform before insult. I only asked a follow up question based on my own narrow perspective.
Oh, you’re not TrueVCU the Becky grav through me off. Disregard my previous comment.
Ah, my bad, I thought you were replying to Sirksome, but I think you actually were replying to TrueVCU. Gosh, this comment section is a mess.
…One idea is that it happens to ensure oxygen supply. So, if it’s not happening, that’s actually a problem.
Sorry, it seems like a widely-shared enough experience that I didn’t feel the need to qualify it further. I just meant to convey a morning boner is fairly routine, and not really tied to arousal, for those who experience them
You’re definitely projecting.
That’s a bold claim to make. Perhaps I’ve pulled the biggest boner here!
Technically, Joe has pulled the biggest boner here, in a “pics or it didn’t happen” way.
So, they laugh at your boner, do they?! You’ll show them!
You were so busy forcing us into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!
what kind of pornlord do you think i AM
i came thirty-five minutes ago
Do… do you think “lady poop” smells different than just poop?
I’m just unclear on the reason for the specification.
Obviously it has bits of sugar, spice, and everything nice – which is far better smelling than snips, snails, and puppy dog tails.
Roses smell like boo-boo-ooh
ask and you shall receive
I cannot imagine even being remotely aroused while actively on the toilet, so I respect Joyce’s commitment here. Joe’s goes without saying.
Not my thing personally, but watersports and golden showers are MAJOR kinks, so like, a lot of people are into toilet stuff
Well, yeah, that’s a WHOLE other thing, though.
I think Joyce is just curious. This is all new for her.
The real miracle of biology is the stuff that happens on the inside.
Not like that – cellular mechanics and biochemistry. Get your head out of the gutter.
Yep, it sounds really fancy when you explain it’s a form of fluid hydraulics.
I dunno, cellular mechanics and biochemistry could certainly be a heady topic for some.
*Becky intensifies, very suddenly*
Get that diiiiiiiiiiiiii
COMING SOON TO SLIPSHINE
This is the closest thing we’ll ever get to… um….
It’s too early to go camping, Joe!
Their levels of mutual horny survived toilet talk without it being a kink, holy shit. They’re unbreakable.
I’m disturbed by the implications of dorm room half-bathrooms not having doors tho.
They do have doors. This one’s just open.
Is that the first ever bulge that’s not on Slipshine?
I have a vague vague memory of Walky getting a boner courtesy of Dorothy back in the day. But wouldn’t swear on it
I mean … https://www.dumbingofage.com/morningwoods/
Those aren’t bulges, they’re penises!
As long as we’re playing “divulge the bulge”, there is also a Patreon extra strip of Joe undergoing sudden puberty.
Does this one count?
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/flustered/
Internet Pornlord Willis is generous with this freebie.
Throwing the readers a bone, one could say.
I appreciate your dogged dedication to punmanship.
Coming soon to a NSFW patreon near you . . . The boxerless version of this strip.
I love that he’s indulging her on this, like he really didn’t NEED to, but still.
For those wondering: Men get several boners throughout the night and they generally are in time with the REM cycle. Additionally, it is thought that men get boners to help hold in urine.
DISCLAIMER: I am using the term “men” to talk about any person with a penis and is not meant to belittle or otherwise exclude those who do not fit within the gender binary.
I was going to ask (while being appreciative of the disclaimer) why not just say “people with penises?”
And then I realized I could answer my own question because a non-trivial number of people with penises actually don’t get nocturnal erections or morning wood…so now I’m wondering what is the inclusive language for “people with penises who still get erections of sufficient strength that they occur involuntarily during sleep?”
Usually I just say “most men” or something like that.
Yeah, that’s fair.
“Many people” is also good. It doesn’t exclude anyone and people can often use common sense to understand who it does and doesn’t apply to.
Don Pardo Superfriends voice :
“FOR All BONER-kind”
“we came in pees”
Actually both sexes do it, it is just less noticeable in those of the vulva having part of the population.
Yeah, making a disclaimer about you using casually transphobic language doesn’t really change the fact that you’re using casually transphobic language. Instead of writing out a disclaimer, you could’ve just went back and reworded your original statement into something more inclusive.
Careful Joyce, when you ask him things like that it’s starting to seem like you have… ulterior motives.
*plays “Ulterior Motives” by Chris and Philip Booth (very NSFW!) on the hacked Muzak*
A few things:
1. Why doesn’t Joe’s boner have a character tag?
2. Thank you Mr. Willis for giving the comments section a reason to use the word boner indiscriminately in regards to a strip.
Tag “Joener”?
It’s “Lil’ Joe”, officially
Not that little apparently.
Not, from the picture, pornlord-length though – looks to be solidly (*) mid-sized
(*) fnarr fnarr
As a person who used to have an active Slipshine subscription, I can confirm it’s a perfectly adequate size. Average or sliiiightly above, for certain.
Wow, they pulled a real boner!
The only thing to do now is to continue the study of the great boners of all time before the White Board Ding-Dong Bandit can make their next move.
tumescence. lol
Ha. Penis.
tallywacker
is a warm…
cock
his dick, his rod, or his johnson.
Whoda thunk Joyce’s first in person view of a boner would be in the midst of nursing a case of beer shits
Joyce has multiple older brothers, and a dad, it’s hghly unlikely this is the very first ever for her
–Dave, yes, and an older sister-with-a-D too
Most unrealistic thing is Joyce being comfortable talking to anyone while pooping
Not true.
i’ll show you how many boners the joe-ker can pull
*genuine spit-take* XD
wait do you not know where that is from?
Pika?
https://screenrant.com/joker-boner-comic-meme/
it’s real. this is real life.
Language sure is something
Etymology is fantastic!
Holey shirt that’s amazing
thank you for this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT piece of comix history
which somehow was a TIL for me
I first heard about it from Linkara’s old “Top 15 Comics I Will Never Review” video. Which just gets funnier and funnier in hindsight with each passing year, given how many of them he’s ended up reviewing anyway, though that’s largely just a consequence of his expanding the show’s remit to include positive reviews of comics he considers good.
Even if it’s anachronistic, i think it’s vital to hear Mark Hamill’s voice when you read that
If Johnny Cash could “take” Hurt (and Trent said he did), then Mark and Kevin “took” the Joker and Batman, respectively. The famous panels of the Joker confronting the Red Skull (“I’m an American lunatic!”) are also in Mark’s voice.
that penultimate quote is amazing
“You were so busy forcing me into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!”
or
Batman suggests the pair, “…continue our study of the great boners of all time.”
?
(slow clap, nodding approvingly)
“GOTHAM CHORTLES AT JOE’S BONER”
Sighhhhhh look I’m really sorry about this
https://i.imgur.com/te0mWCM.png
WUXTRY!
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that first panel, that’s some deep mental programming that I’d almost forgotten about, yikes
poor joyce. but, good news: there is a prize for her
Oh Joyce, honey, no one wants to watch someone poop.
I have zero doubt someone does.
this is like saying nobody wants to watch a foot in a high heel stomping on an accelerator pedal
Mate, have you SEEN the internet? There’s literally dedicated NSFW tags specifically for that, and far worse
this is ridiculously wholesome.
No need to wipe, it’s nature’s lube
Jail
Hey let the men get utis after sex too. As a treat
Normalize
male 
urethral 
discomfort #Equality
relatable alt text
*looks at Joe’s tentpole*
sir why must you be fictional
FILTH!
“Bounce your eyes”, sometimes I forget how much Willis recalls his own character’s linguistic quirks. That was like four years ago!
As I understand it, “bounce your eyes” is an actual Fundie Thing, which is why Joyce is consciously trying not to say it here.
Shame, its such a fun thing to say
Woah. I want to know more about this.
Yeah it’s probably best that Danny left the room.
There’s like zero chance he’s never seen Joe with a boner. A Joe-ner.
I’m just thinking this is awkward enough without a third wheel.
last line for book title, please
So… once she’s finished, will they make sure it doesn’t go to waste??
Actual scientists have conducted actual studies on this actual subject. When people are sleeping, the erectile tissue in both the penis and the clitoris occasionally swells with blood for a short period of time. The purpose is to prevent anoxia in the tissues as a result of inactivity. When you are awake, you move around enough to get blood to all parts of the penis or clitoris, but when asleep, you are both not moving and your blood pressure drops, resulting in inadequate blood flow to some parts of the erectile tissue, which in a flaccid state is kind of like a deflated balloon. There can be spots where the movement of blood is inadequate. If it gets blown up, the fresh blood brings in enough oxygen to keep things healthy for a couple of hours. A test for erectile dysfunction used to be to wrap a strip of postage stamps around the penis (back when postage stamps had a water based glue and there were perforations between stamps) before going to sleep. If the stamps were intact in the morning, the problem was physical, but if they separated, then the erection problem was mental.
man, I’ve been with my romantic/sexual partner for the better part of a decade and I am still not comfortable with them watching me shit and I don’t think I ever will be.
Joe averting his eyes is quite normal actually, not sure why Joyce would say he doesn’t have to
Yeah that is a level of comfort with sharing her own nudity that is way beyond what I expected Joyce to have at this moment (she just allowed a sleepy cuddle for the first time and now she’s letting Joe look at her unclothed bottom half like it’s not even a thing???), and also a level of comfort with watching your significant other poop that, uh, no thank you, I do not aspire to that kind of sharing.
Was she actively pooping, or just visibly braless, with Danny in the room?
Both I think.
I suspect Joyce is trying to overcorrect her previous behaviors without being TOO sexual, and has accidentally therefore veered directly into Weird. (again).
Total agreement here. I’d rather keep the door shut while the Play-Doh Fun Factory is in operation.
Ahhh I might have reported you rather than replying. I’m sorry.
I was going to say, I’ve been with my partner for 20 years – my only real thing I’m remotely coy about is taking a shit. This was heavily eroded by having bowel cancer, but yeah, we still don’t shit in eyeline of the other person.
I had friends visit me in hospital when I was having *very* audible diarrhoea, so, well. If you feel awful enough you just can’t care – but still wow, high marks in friendship, visitors.
Praising Joyce for not fainting or something. Her religious past is getting behind and she is more comfortable to live and enjoy things as her wish.
Flustered Joyce is still adorable even under these circumstances.
Well, wood you look at that?
SCANDALOUS CONDUCT MISS BROWN
“Erecta boneralis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the dorm localized entirely within your pants?”
“In THIS economy?”
Future Pornographique alert
Nice! First step see boner tent next step touch boner tent? We can only hope
I am a trans woman, so probably my experience with having a penis is not universal, but, dang, having a boner and walking around being chill about it is very impressive to me. Where I’m coming from the options are really only a) jerk it or b) take control of your parasympathetic nervous system and manually drain the blood from your hog.
Kinda wondering if Joyce isn’t gonna take Option A, just to break the ice. (Remember, folks! You don’t have to go directly to fucking as your first experience with someone! Handjobs exist!)
Not sure if it would be a good idea. Morning wood usually comes as a package deal with a full bladder.
It seems obvious to me that he’d piss first, in that case. I’m not suggesting she jerk him off within the next five seconds.
Well the Morning Wood will be gone then, they could always get him excited again of course.
Erections are plentiful enough that we don’t need to be precious about which one we’re grabbing. The one that arrives in five minutes will be identical to the one right now, regardless of source.
Also, handjobs when you have to piss are a nightmare.
Pissing with a boner can be tricky, since you have to get it point down into the bowl without bending it to an uncomfortable degree.
I recall a NSFW “Omaha The Cat Dancer” strip about this.
Save water. Do it in the shower and then just spray the walls off.
Ewwwwwww
As if that’s any different mechanically from peeing in a bowl of water. The CRB doesn’t say jack diddly about the method, so RAW it doesn’t affect anything.
Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.
I’ll add some medical advice here: Don’t pee with a boner. It will give you leaky plumbing when you get older.
Doesn’t just taking a pee work?
during erection, there’s a sphincter that typically closes off the bladder which keeps semen from entering it and urine from exiting.
thinking depressing thoughts for option b.
I remember an old argentinian meme from back when: Flick one o your balls, you’ll get rid of your boner in a solid second.
oh this is becoming too relatable
ooh myyy
DoA Book 14 : Behold ! the miracle of biology
You know somewhere out there there is a joke to be made about cult era Joyce being full of shit, but I’m not going to make that joke. And to those wondering if saying you won’t make a joke while describing exactly the type of joke you could be making is effectively still making the joke you swore not to make…to you I say this is a great question and the answer is shut up.
Funny thing is, the Very First Page of this comic is about Becky suggesting Joyce take an inaugural dump.
joyce is gonna develop some fucking weird fetishes at this rate
Joyce unlocks new fetish: rear end stuff while being called a “champ”
why did Danny leave the door open?
If I’m not mistaken, “Bounce your eyes,” comes from the so-called movie (very short and bad), “Second Glance,” starring a very young David A.R. White before he started Pureflix and acted in other great films like the God’s Not Dead series. It was a take on, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” about what his life would be like if he weren’t a Christian. The bouncing of eyes was an admonition from one of the Christian kids to his friends to stop staring at the pretty girls in their school with such lust in their hearts.
How do I know? Was I a fundy kid? Nope. I just listen to the God Awful Movies podcast.
I can see he IS attracted to this.