There's ghosts at your heels and fairy tale worlds ahead. What do you do? Jump down the rabbit hole!
Guilded Age
T Campbell, John Waltrip, Florence Machina
Welcome to the saga of the working-class adventurer! Enjoy the complete story with new annotations daily!
Slightly Damned
Chu
Rhea Snaketail returns from the dead, befriending a Demon who falls in love with an Angel. The afterlife ain't what it used to be!
Blindsprings
Kadi Fedoruk
Tamaura, wrested into a world 300 years in the future, must find a way to save the magic fading from her country.
Dumbing of Age
David M Willis
Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
Beeserker
TJ Cordes
This comic is about a robot powered by bees, but it's also about the kind of people who think filling a robot with bees is a good idea, and why they're wrong.
Fantomestein
Beka Duke
Desperate for companionship, Frankenstein's Monster pretends to be the Opera Ghost. A grave mistake.
Countdown to Countdown
Velinxi
Iris Black is a self-proclaimed inventor with the curious ability to bring his drawings to life, and yearns to find a space where he can use his powers freely.
Mac Hall
Matt Boyd
The legendary early-aughts webcomic that inspired a wave of webcomic creators.
Paint the Town Red
Windy, Winter Jay Kiakas
Winona runs a werewolf shelter with partner in crime, Odile in the Gothic city of Merlot. One day they take in an injured vampire, and soon unravels many of the dark secrets of Merlot.
2 Slices
RJ Morel
After a case of mistaken identity, will awkward Daisuke find help from excitable Mamo, or will his love life be thrown completely off track?
Cyanide & Happiness
Explosm
Satire, dark humor and surreal humor.
The Otherknown
Lorian Merriman
Chandra is a 12-year-old accidental time traveler with a reluctant new dad, who happens to be a member of a feared galactic crime syndicate.
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She seems to have a basic understanding of its physical properties, though it wouldn’t surprise me to find she saw a picture and cut the search short rather than reading up on its function.
Though maybe I’m not giving her enough credit, and the picture was just self-explanatory.
If she did an image search yeah she likely saw use, actual or implicit use being debatable. If she did a video search she might have seen use, but that’s a toss up. A straight web search would plausibly have just landed her on Wikipedia.
That’s what happens when you search for something NSFW with safe-search on, you end up with a weird enough example of the whatever that the filters aren’t quite able to auto-flag it.
Fun fact, if you google what a “straop-on” is, you find not some kind of sparkly rubber man dangle on a belt, but three pictures of cameras with floral-patterned straps, two profile pictures, some asian themed charms of some kind, four math looking things, and a minivan.
Fun fact: Google’s search results themselves are a form of rose-colored glasses. Google tracks your previous searches, and possibly surfing history via its analytics & ad services used on most web sites, then tailors your search results to what it thinks will match your interests.
Hence why you have to sign-off of google and disable cookies, if you want a not-made-to-order search.
Then you get the average of everybody’s rose-colored glasses!
I must admit, despite my ability to sing probably fifty Piaf songs on hearing no more than their titles, that I don’t get it. But then my knowledge of Inception is inexistent.
This made me imagine one called Sparkle-Glue and other various gory fates for horses. I realized after a couple seconds that Rubber is not one of those.
I guess that she likes to have all of her childhood things around her. I mean, she brought all of her stuffed animals with her, so why not her favorite DVDs?
I have a bunch of movies I’ve bought and haven’t watched yet. When they’re available at the grocery store for like 5 bucks, it’s hard to resist. Then you just kinda forget you have them.
I can relate. I used to work for a company that packages a lot of the stuff you find in the 2/$10 bin at Wally-World, and they let us take some of it home. I haven’t worked there in over five years, and there’s a lot of this stuff I still haven’t looked at.
I would go with something about looking at flowers unfold, since flower is sometimes used as a metaphor for lady parts and glasses help you see things. Kinda reaching though. Fortunately, I’m never one to balk at going the long way around to make an awful comment or really dumb joke.
She did the thing about the thing and now she’s seen things she can’t unsee. not even the strongest of brain bleach will wipe that image from her mind…
Everyone has that thing they used to watch as a kid that they thought was awesome, but then they see it as an adult and wonder why the fuck they aren’t MORE screwed up.
Mine was The Elm-Chanted Forest. Thought this shit was Disney quality when I was six, now I realize it is Drugs: The Movie.
The other one (coincidentally, also made by the studio that did He-Man), while it had a cool theme song, and a psychedelic “transformation sequence” that was kinda awesome, sucked almost as bad as He-Man, and was obviously trying to cash in on the success of the Ghostbusters movie.
I don’t. Thanks to my mom’s uber protectiveness over what I watched as a child. I may not have been able to watch the same things the others kids were watching but what I did watch was generally high quality.
I freaking loved the first Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtles cartoon, which I think was like mandatory for a wee Yankee lad in the 80’s, but I digress — anyway, the night I graduated high school I grew up a little bit, mainly because at the salutatorian’s after-party we watched TMNT episodes and I realized: they’re freaking terrible. Almost no character development, ever, a supposedly badass journalist who actually alternates between a nagging mother figure and a damsel in distress, and for the love of the gods, every time they go outside, in NEW YORK CITY, there’s never anyone else around on the streets. Also grew up a bit more the next day because we all woke up in the living room in the morning and the salutatorian farted and said, “Sorry, my body just has to do that when I wake up” and I’d never actually seen/heard a girl fart before.
I got to see all the original TMNT voice actors at Calgary comic-con. It was awesome. At the end Rob Paulson got the whole audience singing the theme song.
The string of replies to your comment invigorated my old urge to go find a cartoon I watched as a kid. Turns out most people never find this show because of the stupid way the title is spelled.
“Dragon Flyz” … Time to youtube episodes and probably become really disillusioned with how good it was, then go watch Gargoyles to reinstill my love of nostalgic cartoons of this era.
This isn’t actually terrible, so far. I do think it’s hilarious how all of these old cartoons feature consistently really tall, ultra-burly men with perfect facial hair and really slim, curvy women always ~1′ shorter than all the men, constantly wearing lipstick.
Is there an old cartoon that regularly showed people with average builds? It’s common nowadays (stuff like the Avatar series, both, have pretty regular looking, varied casts) but I’m struggling to come up with an old one that did, without just using scrawny or obese models for villainous types.
Try Dragon Flyz, Sky Dancers and the American Street Fighter cartoon..what was I thinking…and that Australian Ultraman show. Man, my childhood ain’t that great, looking back. Well, at least I did enjoy Lost Universe and Dragon Ball. Too bad, I never got to finish Lost Universe…or Slayers for that matter.
If you’re thinking about the series “Slayers” that had the main character Lina Inverse, you can get the box set of the English dub from Funimation. I haven’t checked to see how many discs are in the set or how much it costs I just remember seeing the ad for it a while back.
Rocky & Bullwinkle, George of the Jungle, Tom Slick, Super Chicken. Those old Jay Ward cartoons are still great.
Speed Racer, not so much. After I saw the Speed Racer movie (which I didn’t hate), I tracked down some of the old cartoons, and “Oh, The Humanity!” I’ve watched the new Speed Racer cartoons a couple of times, and it’s even worse!
So she knows what it IS, but does she know what it’s FOR? Recall that Joyce’s conceptualization of intercourse involves the rubbing of a disturbingly non-phallic* pseudo-rolling-pin “thing” onto a woman’s bare stomach. I sincerely hope that her search led her to something from Tasteful Treasures, instead of…elsewhere. (That said, if strap-on-enabled activities WERE her first foray into nude interrelations, her first heterosexual boyfriend is in for an interesting night.)
*Google confirms that this is the first use of the phrase “disturbingly non-phallic.”
That was her *dream*, not a conscious conceptualization. I figure she knows what intercourse is, but that her conditioning repressed the sexual urges down into a PG-13ish anatomically incorrect version in her dream.
I did consider the dream aspect, and for literally any other character, I’d agree with you. But can you honestly say you’d be surprised to find out that Joyce can’t mentally connect Tab A with Slot B?
I used to watch “The Magic Land of Alakazam” (Joyce would have hated it, it shows “magic” in a positive light.) Mark Wilson actually has a website where he sells boxed sets of the show… I’m afraid of scarring my 9 year old self if I watch it and realize how much it sucked!
The most depraved thing I can think of, now that “strap-on” is no longer a thing, is a set of glasses filled with diluted blood [or stained with blood in the process of making them]. I kinda can’t imagine what could possibly *realistically* be worse than whatever she’s thinking it could be.
That sounds way more awesome than what they actually are. Which…is kind of ironic…you used to think they were awesome, but now you realize they aren’t?
It’s easy to make actual rose colored glasses. Go find Rose. Take her glasses. Wipe the glasses on Rose. Keep doing this until some of her color comes off onto the glasses. Some experimentation may be needed, as different techniques will yield different end results. Various techniques include, but are not limited to, seductive and/or violent. Not all techniques are legal in the state of Indiana.
I’m surprised Joyce doesn’t know what “rose-colored glasses” means. Strap-on, I get, because she was sheltered from the sexy stuff, but rose-colored glasses is common vernacular in English.
Remember, kids: Don’t go pretending you know things you don’t, or you will end up googling sparkly rubber man-dangles which may or may not be attached to belts.
Looking at the last panel, I do see that apparently Joyce is smartening up in one whole new respect.
When she doesn’t know a word or phase now…hopefully she will google it before she opens her mouth.
A whole world of education online for naïve young home schooled youngsters…provided they take the time to check at least 3 different sources for comparison.
“Never believe what you hear and only half of what you see.”
Considering her dream, I just imagine the ‘sparkly rubber man-dangle’ is just reinforcing her idea of ‘rub your thing on my tummy’. It’ll just be sparkly next time.
Take a look at the AIDS one (which is made in the 1980s, when getting AIDS is a death sentence). The “happy” ending involves some preteen kid optimistically saying he could live up to ten more years, hooray.
There was a lady that came to my church selling from a catalog and also selling from stock had them in pink and blue transparent silicone with metalflake. try googling “tupperware of sex”. I think the lady was affiliated with “Passion Parties” line of products, and we had her at the church 4 times in 2 years. I still have the “Stimulating Bath Glove” from their line.
The Sparklee-Dildee with a matching Sparklee harness from Ramco; the perfect wedding gift for the bride and bride. Sold at most adult toy stores nationwide or on the net at http://www.givit2me.com.
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(another) horrifying experience coming up.
But this does verify she knows what a “strap-on” is now.
She seems to have a basic understanding of its physical properties, though it wouldn’t surprise me to find she saw a picture and cut the search short rather than reading up on its function.
Though maybe I’m not giving her enough credit, and the picture was just self-explanatory.
It would amaze me if one could google strap on without seeing one in action. In my experience, google’s strongest filters do not filter all that much.
If she did an image search yeah she likely saw use, actual or implicit use being debatable. If she did a video search she might have seen use, but that’s a toss up. A straight web search would plausibly have just landed her on Wikipedia.
Safe search.
Not only is there a Wikipedia page, there’s a disambiguation page to make sure you get the strap-on you want! Why, why, did I have to check?
It is a glorious time we live in.
The question is…did she get so embarrassed she immediately closed the browser? Or look more? Or even…order one?
But she at least found the SPARKLY ones!
That’s what happens when you search for something NSFW with safe-search on, you end up with a weird enough example of the whatever that the filters aren’t quite able to auto-flag it.
I doubt it occurred to Joyce to flip that to off.
The Internet: Scarring your brain since the first time you ever shut off Safe Search!
You also forgot: The Internet, the gateway to a dead childhood.
Yeah, but this time the horror is Dorothy’s.
So she finally found out what a straop-on is… YAY!
Fun fact, if you google what a “straop-on” is, you find not some kind of sparkly rubber man dangle on a belt, but three pictures of cameras with floral-patterned straps, two profile pictures, some asian themed charms of some kind, four math looking things, and a minivan.
GIS got me a whole lot of demotivators.
Awww May! Cute!
Not on MY google search.
I got buckets of lesbian porn when I Googled “straop-on”. Apparently it is a common typo. If you’ll excuse me I’ll be in my bunk…
The day when multiple people googled a misspelled “strap-on”
on purpose
Fun fact: Google’s search results themselves are a form of rose-colored glasses. Google tracks your previous searches, and possibly surfing history via its analytics & ad services used on most web sites, then tailors your search results to what it thinks will match your interests.
Hence why you have to sign-off of google and disable cookies, if you want a not-made-to-order search.
Then you get the average of everybody’s rose-colored glasses!
…
…
As a whole, humanity is messed up.
And, since you posted that, you also get pictures of Walky, Dorothy, and Mike! XD
Next thing you know, Joyce’ll become a fan of Edith Piaf. Then of Inception.
I must admit, despite my ability to sing probably fifty Piaf songs on hearing no more than their titles, that I don’t get it. But then my knowledge of Inception is inexistent.
Alors, je sens en moi, mon coeur qui bat…
Edith Piaf music is a major motif in Inception, in more ways than one.
Who the bloody Hell Bedazzles a strap-on? Why?
There are sick people in this world?
Sadists? Plus, sparkles come in impossible to remove variety as well.
If you are going to bedazzle a strap-on, I hope to hell that you use the impossible to remove sparklies.
Must be a vampire dongle.
For the last time, Vampires do not sparkle!
They do if they rock the strap-on.
I googled twilight themed sparkly strap-on and I got MLP stuff instead.
I want to say that’s surprising, but I would just be lying.
It really pisses me off that I’m just jaded enough not to be completely surprised and appalled by this news.
Good thing there’s no ponies with “rubber” in their name, I guess.
… there aren’t, right?
This made me imagine one called Sparkle-Glue and other various gory fates for horses. I realized after a couple seconds that Rubber is not one of those.
There are now, dammit! Look what you’ve done!!
You comment is what you get when you google it now — or at least when I do.
Having just watched several MLP episodes in a row with my kids, this comment was ridiculously hilarious. Also I can see exactly why you got MLP. XD
Also I need to go make sure safe search is on on the kids’ computers…
I have seen transparent ones with metalflake in the resin.
To make it priiiiteee!!!
Why ask who bedazzles a strap-on? That’s already covered under Rule 34.
So she rented them, when three or four, and hasn’t watched it in a few years, and brought then to college with her? I guess she’s a collector?
Maybe they are REALLY over due
Thank goodness that the video store was closed….right?
I guess that she likes to have all of her childhood things around her. I mean, she brought all of her stuffed animals with her, so why not her favorite DVDs?
I’d bet that she bought it just recently just to show her.
My brother got a set of GI Joe cartoons for Christmas a couple years ago.
I watched one a few days later.
Oh, man. Talk about 2D characterization and plot.
It’s like Mattel purposely tried to repel adults so they could sell the stuff to kids without parents reacting until it was too late.
She probably finds them comforting. I brought my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to college with me.
Heck, I brought my copy of Mazinkaizer to college.
Plus the later volumes in the series also make handy weapons.
I have a bunch of movies I’ve bought and haven’t watched yet. When they’re available at the grocery store for like 5 bucks, it’s hard to resist. Then you just kinda forget you have them.
I can relate. I used to work for a company that packages a lot of the stuff you find in the 2/$10 bin at Wally-World, and they let us take some of it home. I haven’t worked there in over five years, and there’s a lot of this stuff I still haven’t looked at.
Wait, I’m supposed to return videos after renting them? Gosh darn it, they’re gonna be so cheesed at me.
She did it off-panel?
Damn you Willis!!!
That could have resulted in the best “Joyce Reaction Face” ever. We are so deprived.
(First time I typed that it came out “We are so depraved”. Not what I meant to say, but still an accurate statement)
It’s on account of we’re deprived that we’re depraved!
So take us to a headshrinker.
It’s just a social disease!
Just ask Officer Krupke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq28qCklEHc
As a social worker in training, I can tell you that this song still totally works!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYgOlqinH7A
Sorry that’s the best I can do.
Well, there’s these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVR7jFDASck
I don’t know if they can help though.
Time to see how thoroughly the nostalgia goggles will be ripped off.
This will either be a poor letdown or a spectacular letdown… I’m hoping for “spectacular.”
Willis, how the hell do you make every single page of this comic a cliffhanger?
When I was really young, I thought shows like Mr Magoo were amusing, nowadays they’re just bleugh!
I never did find the appeal of Mr. Magoo. It’s fun for like one short…but that’s just it.
Mr. Magoo? That guy’s great! He sounds just like Tracks!
Yeah…but Tracks is full of himself…kinda like Sunstreaker.
Used to think ThunderCats and He-Man were awesome and not full of homoerotic symbolism.
Are you saying homoerotic symbolism is not awesome? Because it’s totally awesome
I’ll stick with my pervy realization that Cheetara was technically naked in the first episode, thank you very much.
That episode was responsible for an entire generation of furries.
I love how the avatars from after Caesaria’s comment just work for what they are saying. It’s pretty magical.
Thunder cats is still awesome.
He-Man still sucks though, which is disappointing.
He-Man is silly, but I will not hear anything against Thundercats!
Wait, Thundercats? What?
Oh, shit. YOU JUST RUINED EVERYTHING. I USED TO PRETEND MY UMBRELLA WAS THAT SWORD WHEN I WAS A KID AND YOU RUINED IT.
Still a fun show. :p
Heh. “Whenever my sword of omens grows too long, I go looking for some Thundercats Hos.”
I’m sorry.
Time to ask the arts and crafts store for strap-on glitter!
I’m sure the glitter can just glue on…?
The fun is in seeing how long it takes for employees to get to that answer, because it probably won’t be the first one.
I’m trying to think of what innuendo you could make out of “rose-colored glasses” but I’m coming up empty. Any ideas?
Sorry but I got nothing either.
…some combination of “glass bottom boat” and a gardening fetish?
Beer Goggles, but using a fruit-based beverage rather than a grain-bsed one.
Wine goggles?
Nope, that’s rose’ colored glasses, completely different pronunciation.
+2, Opus.
I would go with something about looking at flowers unfold, since flower is sometimes used as a metaphor for lady parts and glasses help you see things. Kinda reaching though. Fortunately, I’m never one to balk at going the long way around to make an awful comment or really dumb joke.
She might not have heard of rose colored classes, but how about some lily colored lenses.
Of course, I personally can’t hear the phrase “Rose Colored Glasses” without immediately thinking of highly symbolic lesbians.
Goddamn Utena, man. Goddamn it.
+1 for Utena! And the Rose Princess…
It was a good show, but man is it a mind trip. Especially the movie. Holy crap, the movie.
Is it like a Rule 34 version of rose-tinted glasses? Or maybe glasses that give you the flashback in the song?
(I’ve never heard them called rose-colored, only rose-tinted. Tongue in cheek. I think most commenters here get that, though.)
Of course, the original Lolita was very famous for her eyewear.
I came up with one, but it’s too ‘blegh’ in my mind for repeating and putting on the internet.
Oh, that one.
Well at least now she knows what one is…I think?
Bravo Willis Bravo
By the way, who was it that suggests that Joyce look up what’s a strap-on?
Everybody.
Mike was the most recent, assuming he wasn’t the only one.
herself most recently
She did the thing.
She sure did.
……
……
…….
Benjamin Grimm or the shape shifting horror in Antarctica?
Either way…eww.
Everybody always forgets the disembodied hand.
Hey, don’t go Eww at Ben Grimm.
Even he needs to get his rocks off.
She did the thing about the thing and now she’s seen things she can’t unsee. not even the strongest of brain bleach will wipe that image from her mind…
I bet Kurt Russel could help somehow
Everyone has that thing they used to watch as a kid that they thought was awesome, but then they see it as an adult and wonder why the fuck they aren’t MORE screwed up.
Mine was The Elm-Chanted Forest. Thought this shit was Disney quality when I was six, now I realize it is Drugs: The Movie.
Mine was Animals of Farthing Woods.
Mine was a Troll in Central Park.
That one? Damn, I feel sorry for you.
He-Man was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid. It did not age well.
Luckily, my other fave cartoon was The Real Ghostbusters, and the DVD box set I got is awesome.
Real Ghostbusters is one of the few that’s still good.
The other one (coincidentally, also made by the studio that did He-Man), while it had a cool theme song, and a psychedelic “transformation sequence” that was kinda awesome, sucked almost as bad as He-Man, and was obviously trying to cash in on the success of the Ghostbusters movie.
Oddly, even though it was cashing in on the 1984 movie, it was based on a much older live-action comedy series.
I watched the Star Wars Holiday Special on TV the one and only time it aired.
How are you still alive?!?!
Seriously, I thought Lucas had all the witnesses hunted down and shot!
Huh, I thought the only time something like that happened was when Nintendo tried to rid the world of the “Super Hornio Bros.” porn parody.
Ha ha! Implying that Lucas gave a rats ass what anyone but himself thinks of Star Wars!
You’re funny.
Oh, BTW. May the Fourth be with you today.
I don’t. Thanks to my mom’s uber protectiveness over what I watched as a child. I may not have been able to watch the same things the others kids were watching but what I did watch was generally high quality.
I freaking loved the first Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtles cartoon, which I think was like mandatory for a wee Yankee lad in the 80’s, but I digress — anyway, the night I graduated high school I grew up a little bit, mainly because at the salutatorian’s after-party we watched TMNT episodes and I realized: they’re freaking terrible. Almost no character development, ever, a supposedly badass journalist who actually alternates between a nagging mother figure and a damsel in distress, and for the love of the gods, every time they go outside, in NEW YORK CITY, there’s never anyone else around on the streets. Also grew up a bit more the next day because we all woke up in the living room in the morning and the salutatorian farted and said, “Sorry, my body just has to do that when I wake up” and I’d never actually seen/heard a girl fart before.
I think the latest TMNT is pretty good. They still have the same “empty NYC” problem. They’ve poked gentle fun at the first series a couple of times.
I got to see all the original TMNT voice actors at Calgary comic-con. It was awesome. At the end Rob Paulson got the whole audience singing the theme song.
Wine was Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles and Gundam Wing.
Blackstar.
OMG I barely remember that one. You have found a piece of my childhood.
The Little Mermaid animated series is kind of dumb, but TMNT was right after it.
Silverhawks for me. Poor animation quality, scripts dashed off in about fifteen minutes. But when I was 12, it was the coolest thing ever.
Mine was The Music Machine. Agapeland Ho!
The string of replies to your comment invigorated my old urge to go find a cartoon I watched as a kid. Turns out most people never find this show because of the stupid way the title is spelled.
“Dragon Flyz” … Time to youtube episodes and probably become really disillusioned with how good it was, then go watch Gargoyles to reinstill my love of nostalgic cartoons of this era.
This isn’t actually terrible, so far. I do think it’s hilarious how all of these old cartoons feature consistently really tall, ultra-burly men with perfect facial hair and really slim, curvy women always ~1′ shorter than all the men, constantly wearing lipstick.
Is there an old cartoon that regularly showed people with average builds? It’s common nowadays (stuff like the Avatar series, both, have pretty regular looking, varied casts) but I’m struggling to come up with an old one that did, without just using scrawny or obese models for villainous types.
The reason is simple:
That’s how they molded action figures back in those days, and all of those cartoons were based on/made to sell action figures.
Try Dragon Flyz, Sky Dancers and the American Street Fighter cartoon..what was I thinking…and that Australian Ultraman show. Man, my childhood ain’t that great, looking back. Well, at least I did enjoy Lost Universe and Dragon Ball. Too bad, I never got to finish Lost Universe…or Slayers for that matter.
If you’re thinking about the series “Slayers” that had the main character Lina Inverse, you can get the box set of the English dub from Funimation. I haven’t checked to see how many discs are in the set or how much it costs I just remember seeing the ad for it a while back.
Rocky & Bullwinkle, George of the Jungle, Tom Slick, Super Chicken. Those old Jay Ward cartoons are still great.
Speed Racer, not so much. After I saw the Speed Racer movie (which I didn’t hate), I tracked down some of the old cartoons, and “Oh, The Humanity!” I’ve watched the new Speed Racer cartoons a couple of times, and it’s even worse!
I don’t want to know what Joyce thinks rose coloured glasses would find with a Google search. The mind… it wanders now. Thanks Willis.
All I can think of the term “rose coloured glasses” was that one episode of Dave the Barbarian.
I googled them and it’s pretty much safe for work.
Second that.
Now, “Alabama Hot Pocket,” that should not be Googled.
Aaaaand now I must Google that
*Five minutes later*
Life is not worth living. All I see is darkness. I am the abyss
Reverse psychology strikes again!
I sum it up for anyone who hasn’t google imaged searched “Alabama Hot Pocket”:
Shitting into a vagina… YEEK!
On that note, I still don’t know what exactly a “Rusty Venture” is.
The father in the Venture Brothers series…
I take it you never saw the season 4 finale? (the “prom” episode)
Anyways, Shore Leave, the Alchemist, Colonel Gentleman, Watch and Ward, Brock and Trianna Orpheus all take turns explaining what they thought the “Rusty Venture” sex act was.
Uncensored version of the scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn4aLokf-t8
I was working late night Saturdays when Season 4 was showing…
The clips above cover the whole conversation without spoiling much of anything in the season finale.
Why did you do this. I very deliberately didn’t look it up. You awful person, you.
Still better than if you GISed it.
Plasma, I meant after the ‘strapon’ incident for Joyce, what she THINKS Googling ‘rose coloured glasses’ would get her.
Then, say no.
So she knows what it IS, but does she know what it’s FOR? Recall that Joyce’s conceptualization of intercourse involves the rubbing of a disturbingly non-phallic* pseudo-rolling-pin “thing” onto a woman’s bare stomach. I sincerely hope that her search led her to something from Tasteful Treasures, instead of…elsewhere. (That said, if strap-on-enabled activities WERE her first foray into nude interrelations, her first heterosexual boyfriend is in for an interesting night.)
*Google confirms that this is the first use of the phrase “disturbingly non-phallic.”
That was her *dream*, not a conscious conceptualization. I figure she knows what intercourse is, but that her conditioning repressed the sexual urges down into a PG-13ish anatomically incorrect version in her dream.
I did consider the dream aspect, and for literally any other character, I’d agree with you. But can you honestly say you’d be surprised to find out that Joyce can’t mentally connect Tab A with Slot B?
I actually remember having a dream sorta like that after I already knew what intercourse was. The mind can be weird.
I used to watch “The Magic Land of Alakazam” (Joyce would have hated it, it shows “magic” in a positive light.) Mark Wilson actually has a website where he sells boxed sets of the show… I’m afraid of scarring my 9 year old self if I watch it and realize how much it sucked!
I am Serious. I want a kickstarter for a DoA TV show. I would voice act walky.
Hmm, lessee, I would do… Leslie Bean and Blaine O’Malley. What? I do women’s voices… And I have a working prick so it can do Blaine…
Ahahahaha oh, on god yes finaly, wow that took some time.
I’m worried about what she thinks rose-colored glasses could possibly mean
I used to think that rose-colored glasses is like the same kind that Cyclops wore.
The most depraved thing I can think of, now that “strap-on” is no longer a thing, is a set of glasses filled with diluted blood [or stained with blood in the process of making them]. I kinda can’t imagine what could possibly *realistically* be worse than whatever she’s thinking it could be.
REALITY CAN NO LONGER MEASURE UP =C
[having posted that, I thought of The Human Centipede, which I admit to first thinking was some kind of Cirque du Soleil act]
I’m trying to picture the Human Centipede as a trapeze act.
I’m probably going to remember that thought at a weird time, like if I have to get stitches.
The worst thing I can think of involves spectacles and menses.
I will now go into the next room and scrub my brain with bleach.
That sounds way more awesome than what they actually are. Which…is kind of ironic…you used to think they were awesome, but now you realize they aren’t?
It’s easy to make actual rose colored glasses. Go find Rose. Take her glasses. Wipe the glasses on Rose. Keep doing this until some of her color comes off onto the glasses. Some experimentation may be needed, as different techniques will yield different end results. Various techniques include, but are not limited to, seductive and/or violent. Not all techniques are legal in the state of Indiana.
The resulting glasses will be Rose colored.
But Rose will not be able to notice the difference, because her eyes are Rose-colored so she sees everything that way all the time.
Amazing.
I’m surprised Joyce doesn’t know what “rose-colored glasses” means. Strap-on, I get, because she was sheltered from the sexy stuff, but rose-colored glasses is common vernacular in English.
I have the feeling that Joyce was sheltered away from even common vernacular, especially terms like “vernacular” that sound vaguely dirty.
Joyce was sheltered from knowing about rose-tinted glasses in order not to be tempted to pull hers off.
Not knowing what rose colored glasses means? Wow.
The sad part is that people like this exist in real life.
It’s not as common a phrase as many believe. I’d never heard of it until I watched Rocky Horror.
I am now imagining Joyce watching Rocky Horror.
Thank you.
I knew the phrase long before I ever watched Rocky Horror.
Funny enough one of the adds appeared to have what looked like brown dildos… turned out they were only shoes…
I think you’re onto something here… what if they made DILDO SHOES?!
Foot fetishists would be thrilled, I imagine.
I’m bookmarking this
Jen Aside and I had the same thought.
First thing I thought was “I’d take off my glasses, cut my finger and wipe blood all over them and hand them to Joyce…rose colored glasses .hehehe
One way to get rid of her.
Remember, kids: Don’t go pretending you know things you don’t, or you will end up googling sparkly rubber man-dangles which may or may not be attached to belts.
Joyce, now that you know what a “strap-on” is, when will you wear one so Ethan will like you better? Mmmmm?
Looking at the last panel, I do see that apparently Joyce is smartening up in one whole new respect.
When she doesn’t know a word or phase now…hopefully she will google it before she opens her mouth.
A whole world of education online for naïve young home schooled youngsters…provided they take the time to check at least 3 different sources for comparison.
“Never believe what you hear and only half of what you see.”
You ruined another keyboard! DAMN YOU WILLIS! *proceeds to mop up coughed out Mountain Dew*
So she found the Edward Cullen dildo/strap-on?
…I’m sorry.
Rose-colored glasses is what you get after you smash a glass in a dude’s face?
LIKED!
No..that would be the Crimson Glass.
*sees last panel* *Cheshire cat grin*
I read Man-Dangle as Dan-Mangle.
That made me happy.
Your avatar looks appropriately horrified.
renting means borrowing not actually paying right?
I wondered about that too, because no: “Rent” implies money changed hands. “Borrowing” is free.
Usually cults don’t charge marks to view their propaganda. That’s what tithing is for.
So she DOES know!
I prefer the natural Man-Dangle as opposed to the sparkly rubber belted ones.
Considering her dream, I just imagine the ‘sparkly rubber man-dangle’ is just reinforcing her idea of ‘rub your thing on my tummy’. It’ll just be sparkly next time.
Also, last line for book title, or is it too long?
Sorry, I’ve already copyrighted ‘Sparkly Rubber Man-Dangle’ as my new alt-rock band name.
He will be legally obligated to make the distinction.
Is it funny that I think Joyce’s recent appearances show a sudden surge in maturity?
Any time something goes on around her that should take her out of her comfort zone, she just takes it entirely in stride now.
This happened when i saw captain planet again. My poor childhood.
Captain N for me. I had such fond memories but when the DVD came out, it so did not live up to them
Ooh, yeah, that show does NOT hold up.
Take a look at the AIDS one (which is made in the 1980s, when getting AIDS is a death sentence). The “happy” ending involves some preteen kid optimistically saying he could live up to ten more years, hooray.
Oh man I re-watched that Cpt Planet just now. It’s so bad.
They’re going for HIV/AIDS awareness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7EkB7oUmos
Where did she find sparkly ones??
I can’t find them anywhere!
You avatar just adds up comedy.
There was a lady that came to my church selling from a catalog and also selling from stock had them in pink and blue transparent silicone with metalflake. try googling “tupperware of sex”. I think the lady was affiliated with “Passion Parties” line of products, and we had her at the church 4 times in 2 years. I still have the “Stimulating Bath Glove” from their line.
I’m getting a feeling we’re about to see How Willis Lost His Faith: Part One.
I discussed yesterday how I read Joyce having the same voice as Pinkie Pie … now imagine that voice reading the last panel
This comment is full of win.
The Sparklee-Dildee with a matching Sparklee harness from Ramco; the perfect wedding gift for the bride and bride. Sold at most adult toy stores nationwide or on the net at http://www.givit2me.com.
I dunno about you, but I am not clicking that link. Not even if money was offered.
I don’t often have to refer to a strap-on, but whenever the occasion occurs, I’ll now refer to them as a rubber man-dangle on a belt.
I am in love with Dorothy’s expression in the last panel.
If you shake a man-dangle, does it jangle?
Scar-a-joyce, scar-a-joyce, will you do the man-dangle?