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Dumbing of Age

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September 20, 2023

Fatalist

by David M Willis on August 4, 2022 at 12:01 am
  • 05 – This Was Halloween

└ Tags: amber, dorothy, fuckface, joe, joyce

Discussion (179) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    August 4, 2022 at 12:05 am | #

    I absolutely trust this future president with the nuclear codes.

    • Dean
      Dean
      August 4, 2022 at 12:08 am | #

      “Madam President, the Russians have just launched. Missiles are in the air.”
      “It’s FINE! Everything’s FINE!!”

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 4, 2022 at 12:48 am | #

        “Here, lemme just Zoom Putin real quick and show him this game theory spreadsheet demonstrating how this will lead to mutually-suboptimal outcomes. I’m sure he’ll listen to reason. People are basically rational actors, right? Right? I’ve certainly never had a repressed freshman-year experience that challenged that fundamental truth!”

        • Wizard
          Wizard
          August 4, 2022 at 1:55 am | #

          Now there’s a depressing thought. That Putin might still be in charge when Dorothy is President, that is.

          • King Daniel
            King Daniel
            August 4, 2022 at 2:09 am | #

            He’s 70 years old, in a country where the male life expectancy hovers just around there (and was still in the 60s until less than a decade ago). Unless there are both unprecedented advancements in longevity treatment and Dumbing of Age goes through a massive timeskip, we can at least take comfort in the fact that he statistically won’t be around by then. And I say this as someone with a Russian passport.

            • Reltzik
              Reltzik
              August 4, 2022 at 2:18 am | #

              This would be President-and-Prime-Minister-for-Life Putin IV.

              • Reltzik
                Reltzik
                August 4, 2022 at 2:20 am | #

                And Zoom would be the only video chat software old enough to have gotten into Russia pre-sanctions, yet inexplicably still be in use in the West.

              • Decidedly Orthogonal
                Decidedly Orthogonal
                August 4, 2022 at 3:31 am | #

                > Putin IV

                As in Putin 4 a new russian administration? Yes please.

            • Amelie Wikström
              Amelie Wikström
              August 4, 2022 at 3:17 am | #

              Some reports suggest he’s by far the wealthiest individual in the world. Can probably get enough replacement organs to make it into the hundreds unless we get lucky.

            • milu
              milu
              August 4, 2022 at 6:43 am | #

              @King Daniel:
              According to the WHO’s 2020 figures, Russia’s overall Life Expectancy at Birth (LEB) is 71.34 years old, but Russia is also distinctive in being only second to Belarus of the 194 countries in the WHO list in how wide its gender gap between male and female LEB is: 76.43 years for women vs. 66.49 years for men.

              However, LEB is not the right measure for estimating how much longer an old man is likely to stay alive, because it is weighted downwards by infant mortality (according to the World Bank, Russian “under-five mortality rate” was 5.8 per 1000 live births in 2019.)

              So a more relevant metric is the WHO’s life expectancy at 60 (LE60), which for Russian males is estimated at 16.8 years, meaning a 60-year old Russian man can expect, on average, to make it to about 77, or a good 10 years up from what LEB would have us believe.

              Now obviously, this is an average over the entire population of a very economically disparate nation, and Putin being a rich head of state means he will benefit from better healthcare and living conditions than almost anyone else in Russia. The fact that he is only about to turn 70 means he might still be around in 20 years.

              On a brighter note, he’s also at a way higher risk of getting assassinated than most Russians, so, knock on wood.

              TLDR: waiting for Putin to die of natural causes is unfortunately likely to take a while.

              • King Daniel
                King Daniel
                August 4, 2022 at 1:47 pm | #

                Yeah, that’s definitely a point you’ve got there (also, thanks for reminding me that the LE60 is a thing, I’d forgotten all about it). Putin’s certainly most likely to be alive for a while yet, all circumstances considered. Still, my underlying point—about Dumbing of Age having taken 12 years and counting to cover just over three months, in which time in real life Putin’s gone from being in his 50s to pushing 70—should still hopefully remain to indicate that by the time the comic ever gets around to depicting a Keener presidency (if it lasts that long), he’ll be gone.

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 3:32 pm | #

                  right, yeah, your central point obviously stands. In fact Willis‘s lifespan is unlikely to carry us to Dorothy in the white house, unless she maybe interns there in a semester or two.

                  …and that’s assuming the US still has a president in the bunch of decades centuries this outcome would require at the current rate. hell, who knows if there will still be a US of A by the time Willis retires. For any of a myriad of possible reasons, only a vast majority of which are extremely gruesome and depressing *eye-roll emoji*

              • Wizard
                Wizard
                August 6, 2022 at 3:52 am | #

                It’s nice to see someone who actually understands how “life expectancy” works!
                It’s true that Putin has access to considerably better resources than your average Russian. OTOH, he’s also probably under a lot more stress, and being more feared than loved, any major slip up could potentially get him “retired”. On a third hand (rapidly running out of hands here), some dictators have managed to remain alive and in power into their nineties.
                There have been some suggestions recently that he’s having health problems, although it’s hard to say just how much stock one should put in that. Similar rumors have been floated for years, and he’s not dead yet.

            • Wizard
              Wizard
              August 6, 2022 at 3:35 am | #

              Even if Dorothy started aging in real time tomorrow, she couldn’t become President before 2041. As a college freshman, she’s probably 18 or 19, so even if she somehow won the first election she was eligible for, that would still be 2040. Even our youngest Presidents were in their early 40s, so 2048 would probably be more realistic.

          • Paradox
            Paradox
            August 4, 2022 at 11:01 am | #

            When FDR served 4 terms in the US, there were people who genuinely thought his last name was “President”, because thats all he was ever referred to as when they were children

            Would not be surprised if “Putin” ends up becoming an informal title for the leader of Russia

            • Jflb96
              Jflb96
              August 4, 2022 at 11:15 am | #

              They already have a surname for that sort of leader, it’s just two thousand years old and slightly Roman

              • thejeff
                thejeff
                August 4, 2022 at 1:44 pm | #

                “Tsar”?

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  August 4, 2022 at 1:52 pm | #

                  Said title is a Slavicization of the Latin title “Caesar”, similar to the Imperial German title “Kaiser” doing the same thing (German even kept more or less the original Classical Latin pronunciation, which used a hard C instead of a soft C like is more common in English nowadays).

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  August 4, 2022 at 8:47 pm | #

                  I knew there was another one, but couldn’t think of Kaiser.

            • thejeff
              thejeff
              August 4, 2022 at 1:45 pm | #

              That only tends to last if you’re regarded as successful after your death.

            • Wizard
              Wizard
              August 6, 2022 at 3:16 am | #

              Well, three terms. While he was elected to a fourth, he served less than three months before his death. Considering what he knew about his health by 1944, it was wildly irresponsible for him to run. To compound this, he accepted a running mate he didn’t like or trust out of political expediency, and then kept Truman hopelessly out of the loop until his death. This meant the country got a new, poorly prepared leader while there was still a war on. Granted, the war was effectively won by this point (Germany surrendered less than a month after his death, and Japan three months after that.), but it was still some lousy leadership. This is one reason (of many) that I just cannot understand the widespread adulation of FDR.

    • Thag Simmons
      Thag Simmons
      August 4, 2022 at 1:06 am | #

      I mean she can’t be any worse than some of the fucking jokers who’ve been given the keys to the extinction machine.

      • Stifyn Baker
        Stifyn Baker
        August 4, 2022 at 3:13 am | #

        I’m with Douglas Adams on that subject:
        “The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
        To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
        To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
        (Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

        Dorothy’s desire for power should automatically call her motives into suspicion. No one who *wants* power should *ever* be trusted with it.

        • Psi Baka Onna
          Psi Baka Onna
          August 4, 2022 at 6:12 am | #

          Does Dorothy desire power or the means to help as many people as possible, which just hapoens to involve power? In which case the question of whether or not she deserves it becomes how likely she is to be corrupted on her journey into power? At this point I’m wondering if she’s blaming herself for Toedad’s death in which case she needs to ask herself if she has the level of sociopathy needed to make those sorts of decisions on a grander scale. Being president isn’t just signing documents, sometimes you need to make terrible decisions that lead to people getting hurt. I think that would break her…

          • CJ
            CJ
            August 4, 2022 at 6:58 am | #

            I think we are all aware that Dorothy has great aims but never considered what you actually have to do to get into power.
            I think she would make a great behind the scenes person who offers optimal solutions for things but needs someone who understands power-play and trade-offs to get some of those things done.

        • Marvelman
          Marvelman
          August 4, 2022 at 4:21 pm | #

          You make a valid observation, but there are rare exceptions to this.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          August 4, 2022 at 8:48 pm | #

          Some more so than others though and the difference matters.

        • Joseph Mound
          Joseph Mound
          August 4, 2022 at 11:22 pm | #

          Thank you for that quote Stifyn! I don’t remember that quote but I love it. I’m adding it to my list and joining you in agreement with its sentiment!

  2. The Wellerman
    The Wellerman
    August 4, 2022 at 12:05 am | #

    Dorothy? Fine? Yeah…. sure….

  3. Yumi
    Yumi
    August 4, 2022 at 12:06 am | #

    Dorothy is doing SO WELL.

    • ThunderNight
      ThunderNight
      August 4, 2022 at 12:07 am | #

      she’s doing her best

    • The Wellerman
      The Wellerman
      August 4, 2022 at 12:08 am | #

      Therapy is working SO WELL for her.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 4, 2022 at 12:15 am | #

        It’s not like we know how she’d be doing without therapy.

        • The Wellerman
          The Wellerman
          August 4, 2022 at 12:18 am | #

          good point,

          but still, couldn’t hurt her to at least try some other things in conjunction with therapy. i mean besides ultra-fixation on her goal of becoming president

          • Mr D
            Mr D
            August 4, 2022 at 12:20 am | #

            Wellerman will you STOP your therapy hating?

            • The Wellerman
              The Wellerman
              August 4, 2022 at 12:25 am | #

              uh, i literally said nothing bad about it. as well as it may be working for Dorothy, it couldn’t hurt to try other things alongside it, is all I’m saying

              • Bryy
                Bryy
                August 4, 2022 at 1:23 am | #

                Your earlier anti-therapy posts plus instantly jabbing at therapy in relation to Dorothy’s current mental state are what they are referring to.

                • The Wellerman
                  The Wellerman
                  August 4, 2022 at 2:11 am | #

                  Can I not change my view on therapy to that it works for some but not others, and sometimes might not be enough on it’s own, as with any other coping strategies?

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 6:50 am | #

                  You may change your views, but you can’t change the fact that you annoyed several people in the past by being so uncompromisingly anti-therapy.

                  an apology of sorts may help, but you do you.

                • The Wellerman
                  The Wellerman
                  August 4, 2022 at 12:16 pm | #

                  Willis actually advised me against public apologies in the past. He told me they were unnecessary, and I took his word for it.

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 12:33 pm | #

                  oh please, did Willis discourage you against making any form of public apology altogether? If memory serves you were making a massive spectacle of your contrition, and that’s what he asked you to knock off. as did several other people before he intervened.

                  people apologize all the time, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. “yeah, you’re right, i’ve been a bit of an ass in the past. i’m trying to be more nuanced now.” and hit post! bam. done. don’t defend yourself, just gracefully acknowledge your responsibility, once, and move on.

                  or don’t, it’s up to you. i don’t personally have a beef with you over this, but you’ve suggested before that you welcomed 101’s about normal human interactions, so, here you go.

                • The Wellerman
                  The Wellerman
                  August 4, 2022 at 1:15 pm | #

                  yeah, you’re right, i’ve been a nuisance in the past. i’m trying to be more nuanced now

      • Bryy
        Bryy
        August 4, 2022 at 12:19 am | #

        She went through a school shooting and then a kidnapping in the span of like three weeks. Therapy is not going to wash away that trauma.

        • Yumi
          Yumi
          August 4, 2022 at 12:21 am | #

          And witnessed a stabbing (slashing?) of a dude who came at her and a friend with a knife.

          • Bryy
            Bryy
            August 4, 2022 at 1:26 am | #

            I always find it funny that people go after Willis for his fundamentalist characters (while never, ever mentioning the context) but never mention how this much drama in such a short timeframe would never happen.

            • King Daniel
              King Daniel
              August 4, 2022 at 2:12 am | #

              Oh, I’ve seen commenters mention it. Not very often sure, but never is a very long word to slightly paraphrase a certain grey pilgrim. 😛

            • Rowan
              Rowan
              August 4, 2022 at 4:04 am | #

              It wouldn’t be common, but this amount of drama absolutely could happen

            • RedCat
              RedCat
              August 4, 2022 at 4:22 am | #

              A dude was in Hiroshima the day it got bombed, survived, went home to Nagasaki and you guessed it (also survived that).

              If that can happen, a fundie toe with a gun trying to kidnap his daughter, a rapist getting stabbed and a bunch of kids getting kidnapped by the same fundie toe, because his church thought it was a good idea to bail him out seems VERY likely, actually more likely now that I wrote it out.

  4. BBCC
    BBCC
    August 4, 2022 at 12:07 am | #

    Ah yes, much perfect dealing. Such excellent coping. Wow

  5. Kyrik Michalowski
    Kyrik Michalowski
    August 4, 2022 at 12:08 am | #

    So what has Dorothy freaked out? The fact she could be studying right now? Or is this another “I’m going to be the president one day” thing where she has to be there to help?

    • Alex Boston
      Alex Boston
      August 4, 2022 at 12:10 am | #

      Wasn’t she ducking an acceptance letter from a major Ivy League place (which would help her plan to become president if she did not duck it)?

      • Kyrik Michalowski
        Kyrik Michalowski
        August 4, 2022 at 12:17 am | #

        Yes, was that before or after the time skip? If it is before, then that could be another reason for her being so tense and not handling things well.

        • cbwroses
          cbwroses
          August 4, 2022 at 12:23 am | #

          It’s after the time skip.

          • The Quirk
            The Quirk
            August 4, 2022 at 9:38 am | #

            But this is a flashback INSIDE a time skip.

    • Laura
      Laura
      August 4, 2022 at 12:25 am | #

      I think it’s just the fact that she’s trying to show everyone how “fine” she is, that she’s capable of laughing and having fun, even seeing her ex with somebody new, when what she really wants to do is hide under the covers and read comic books all day.

      • milu
        milu
        August 4, 2022 at 6:53 am | #

        and which comic books would that be in this fantasy of your— of Dorothy’s?

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 4, 2022 at 2:21 am | #

      How about the fact that a human being she knows was just murdered? (Or put into witness protection?)

      • King Daniel
        King Daniel
        August 4, 2022 at 2:25 am | #

        (Or secretly replaced Ruth’s girlfriend?)

    • Reaver
      Reaver
      August 4, 2022 at 5:36 am | #

      Well she was recently kidnapped, held hostage, had her FRIENDs held hostage, had a guy murdered in front of her, another person she knows died, all of this on top of the pressure she already is putting herself under…..

  6. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    August 4, 2022 at 12:08 am | #

    Random Song Isn’t So Random.

  7. darkoneko
    darkoneko
    August 4, 2022 at 12:13 am | #

    Someone looks like she’s absolutely about to SNAP

    • Bryy
      Bryy
      August 4, 2022 at 1:27 am | #

      My money is on it happening when she is rejected from Yale.

      • RacingTurtle
        RacingTurtle
        August 4, 2022 at 1:43 am | #

        …but she’s already been accepted to Yale by January

        • Needfuldoer
          Needfuldoer
          August 4, 2022 at 2:38 am | #

          But does she know she’s been accepted at this point?

          • milu
            milu
            August 4, 2022 at 6:54 am | #

            Has she even sent her application at this point? (i don’t know how to american college)

  8. Suet
    Suet
    August 4, 2022 at 12:13 am | #

    “It’s a Traumatic Situation, Dorothy Brown!”

  9. RassilonTDavros
    RassilonTDavros
    August 4, 2022 at 12:13 am | #

    OH YEAH I’d forgotten about that plot point where Amber no longer had tuition money

    So, like, what does Amber mean about being “taken care of”? And for that matter, I never quite got exactly how Blaine’s death was a problem in that regard. I’m not an expert on inheritance law, but if Blaine was paying for her tuition before, then he clearly had at least some money, and you’d think Amber would get at least some of it. Are you allowed to write someone out of your will when you’re legally obligated to pay their college tuition?

    • Segnosaur
      Segnosaur
      August 4, 2022 at 12:18 am | #

      Maybe Blaine was actually broke/in debt and living month to month with whatever he could get from the mob. After his death there would be no inheritance.

    • Laura
      Laura
      August 4, 2022 at 12:18 am | #

      Also, what would Faz’s share be in that? Assuming Faz was Blaine’s biological child, if he was never legitimated legally then it may be too late now to prove parentage via DNA testing. Depends on whether Blaine had a will or not.

      Although, if Blaine’s money laundering for the mob and the dirty cops came out, his business would likely be subject to civil asset forfeiture, so neither child would get any inheritance.

      Also there’s the question of Faz’s mother and what her options are at this point.

    • Kitschensyngk
      Kitschensyngk
      August 4, 2022 at 12:19 am | #

      The whole kidnapping plot came about because Blaine didn’t want to pay Amber’s tuition. When her parents got divorced, he chose to pay her tuition instead of alimony because he didn’t think Amber would actually go to college, and he figured kidnapping her friends would scare her into dropping out.

      • Bryy
        Bryy
        August 4, 2022 at 1:29 am | #

        I forgot that was the reasoning.

        Blaine kidnapped and then tried to murder seven kids rather than pay college tuition.

        • Amós Batista
          Amós Batista
          August 4, 2022 at 4:02 am | #

          You didn’t believe what fathers could do to not pay their obligations to their children….

          • Bryy
            Bryy
            August 5, 2022 at 12:26 am | #

            I forgot that was the reasoning.

    • cbwroses
      cbwroses
      August 4, 2022 at 12:22 am | #

      It’s my understanding that when someone dies, you are not required to take on their debt if you don’t continue to be a part of it.
      Like if there’s a mortgage on the house, and you still live in the house, then you need to pay on it or leave.
      But if it’s something like an overdue bill, but it’s a bill that has nothing to do with you, you’re not required to pay it even though you were their beneficiary/inheritor/closest living relative.
      That’s what my mother told me when my dad passed, anyway.
      I have no idea if it’s true or not.
      So long story short (too late), Blaine was obligated to pay tuition, but Faz’s mom wouldn’t be.

      • Laura
        Laura
        August 4, 2022 at 12:27 am | #

        I think you’ve got that right.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 4, 2022 at 12:39 am | #

        I know of one case where Person A was ordered to make payments to Person B until Person B’s death, even if Person A died first. This is not at all common, but it can happen. I don’t think it’s what happened here– I wouldn’t find it particularly interesting, for one– just a note that I think it’s technically possible.

      • Tan
        Tan
        August 4, 2022 at 2:59 am | #

        While Faz’s mom would not be responsible for the debt, Blaine’s estate would, so any money he had would have to go toward paying that before whatever is left after (if anything) could be inherited by anyone. If the debt exceeds the estate’s assets, then the remainder would go unpaid

    • Laura
      Laura
      August 4, 2022 at 12:34 am | #

      Ooh, new game! Everyone share your theories on how Amber’s tuition is being “taken care of”.

      Here are my guesses so far:

      -Asher felt bad about having her father killed, so he chipped in for mob money to make an anonymous donation to cover her scholarship, a la Walter White’s family trust at the end of “Breaking Bad”.

      -She’s now dating Walky, who’s like a brother to Jennifer Billingsworth. Jennifer is rich and impulsive and prone to grand generous gestures, a la “throw money at uncomfortable truths and they’ll go away”. (But why wouldn’t that have worked for Sal when she was raising money for Marcie’s surgery?)

      -Crime victim’s compensation fund? Mass tort civil suit for all the kidnapping victims?

      -Maybe Amazi-girl is up to something?

      Possibilities abound…

      • Laura
        Laura
        August 4, 2022 at 12:37 am | #

        Ooh, ooh, or maybe Becky pulled some strings with her favorite former Congressmember?

        • The Wellerman
          The Wellerman
          August 4, 2022 at 12:56 am | #

          I’m going with this one. Imma too tired and nauseous to play this game.

          What’s your favorite dinosaur?

          • Laura
            Laura
            August 4, 2022 at 2:11 am | #

            Parasaurolophus, of course! Joyce’s favorite, too.

            Sorry to hear you’re feeling tired and nauseous. Sleep will help the tired. Ginger mint tea may help the nausea. Might help you sleep, too, if there’s no caffeine.

            • The Wellerman
              The Wellerman
              August 4, 2022 at 2:25 am | #

              Thanks. 😊 BTW my favorite is Spinosaurus! Bigger than a T-rex, swims faster than a crocodile!

              • eh, whatever
                eh, whatever
                August 4, 2022 at 3:57 am | #

                Is highly unlikely to swim faster than a crocodile.

              • milu
                milu
                August 4, 2022 at 7:04 am | #

                Spinosaurus’s lifestyle, particularly how aquatic it was as well as its swimming locomotion have been heavily debated lately.

                Which makes it an exciting dinosaur if only because the hypotheses are coming in fast and being rebutted just as fast, meaning Spinosaurus is a good example of a scientific consensus in the process of forming =)

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 7:13 am | #

                  …i don’t really have “a” favourite dinosaur, but here‘s an adorable rendition of the adorably named (after the paleontologists’ daughter Leaellyn) polar ornithopod Leaellynasaura amicagraphica by Finnish palaeoartist Eurwentala =)

                • The Wellerman
                  The Wellerman
                  August 4, 2022 at 5:48 pm | #

                  ah, fascinating!

                  care to show me some mostly agreed upon metrics on the minimum and maximum swimming speed of the Sprinosaurus, then?

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 6:05 pm | #

                  no clue about speed estimates, i’m not sure i’ve heard anything about that although there are sure to be some lying around. wikipedia has a well-written section about the “aquatic hypothesis” contrasting some of the more high-profile claims and rebuttals made in the last few years.

                  other than that, i get most of my dino news from The Common Descent podcast, the 7 Days of Science youtube channel, and assorted non-professional paleo sci-com media. all i remember off the top of my head is that spinosaurus has been cropping up very regularly for a couple years as papers and responses come in, and that whether (and to what extent) they were likely to be aquatic has been one of the most contentious issue, with analyses on both sides drawing on isotope analysis, bone density, leg and tail biomechanics, dentition, and more.

      • sultryglebe
        sultryglebe
        August 4, 2022 at 1:04 am | #

        My other guess is she hacked the system to show it as paid, like Walky’s math grade.

        • The Wellerman
          The Wellerman
          August 4, 2022 at 1:08 am | #

          I dunno. Hacking a financial portal is MUCH harder than hacking a grading framework.

          But if she’s smart and resourceful enough, it’s just plausible, i suppose.

          • anon
            anon
            August 4, 2022 at 2:40 am | #

            tbh i always thought the ‘amazi-girl’ personality (even with movies like Kick Ass) would be more power fantasy than something that’d realistically happen in real life/would believe she’d be better at hacking than being a vigilante , maybe as a military brat but that’s just me

        • Laura
          Laura
          August 4, 2022 at 2:10 am | #

          I like that theory!

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 4, 2022 at 1:27 am | #

        Someone figured out she was Amazi-Girl because, you know, she shucked off the Amazi-girl costume in public after beating Blaine, and decided to throw a scholarship at the obviously-wholesome-and-upright-citizen.

        … or maybe the court returned the bail money Blaine paid to his next of kin? … no, I don’t think that would work like that. … would it?

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 4, 2022 at 3:41 am | #

          No.

      • Steelbright
        Steelbright
        August 4, 2022 at 1:46 am | #

        My first thought was Mike took out a life insurance policy & named her the beneficiary, but that might be because I’ve been reading too many life insurance listicles for my job… 😛

        • Laura
          Laura
          August 4, 2022 at 3:12 am | #

          An intriguing solution!

        • bubba0077
          bubba0077
          August 4, 2022 at 5:22 pm | #

          I don’t think it is this, but I do think it is Mike-related. I think Mike’s parents are picking up the tab, which is just adding on another layer of guilt to Amber.

      • Vukodlak
        Vukodlak
        August 4, 2022 at 1:50 am | #

        She’s lying and Joes dad does end up paying for tuition.
        That’s my theory, or she knows things and the mob figured it was cheaper to buy her silence then cover up her death.

      • Laura
        Laura
        August 4, 2022 at 2:13 am | #

        Or, heck, she could just be doing what everybody does: applying for student loans, work-study, and financial aid. Simplest answer.

      • anon
        anon
        August 4, 2022 at 2:43 am | #

        Well, Jennifer might be ‘rich’/have generous parents but i dont’ think it’s too over the top ridiculous to where she could like, transfer 1k to amber willy nilly /ask her parents to pay for a strangers tuition versus just being a bit more well off than the average college students. (tho i have heard some spoiled/bratty ‘rich kid’ stories where apparently some got 5k aw eek as an allowance, that’s hard to wrap my head around lol)

      • Ray Radlein
        Ray Radlein
        August 4, 2022 at 5:02 am | #

        Amber surreptitiously took out a life insurance policy on him figuring he’d get offed sooner or later

      • Felgraf
        Felgraf
        August 4, 2022 at 5:13 am | #

        Here’s my completely off the wall theory:
        Amber (probably utilizing the Amazigirl identity, or with Amazigirl working with her on this) is blackmailing or otherwise extracting money from the mob with the knowledge she has of their operations, that she got from Mike before his death.

        (Perhaps he left it written up somewhere to be sent to Amber as insurance in case Blaine tried some shit. That feels like a very Old Mike thing, to ensure fucking someone over from beyond the grave)

        If not blackmailing, perhaps she is somehow blowing the lid off various operations for reward money from the government, and taking it through some anonymized means (But that the Mob suspects Amazigirl of being the source of).

        Asher has been conscripted/pulled back into the life to figure out the source and determine the identity of Amazigirl so she can be silenced, and this is why he’s cozying up to Jennifer, someone who might know Amazigirl’s identity.

        • Felgraf
          Felgraf
          August 4, 2022 at 5:14 am | #

          I have absolutely 0 evidence for this theory (at least, 0 evidence that I recognize conciously), it simply just sprung into my mind right now.

      • Tan
        Tan
        August 4, 2022 at 7:14 pm | #

        My theory: it could be bunnies.

    • BigDogLittleCat
      BigDogLittleCat
      August 4, 2022 at 12:58 am | #

      He didn’t need to write her out of a will. if he died intestate, the spouse inherits it all. Generally a personal obligation like Blaine’s court-ordered tuition would not become the responsibility of the surviving stepparent spouse.

      • Laura
        Laura
        August 4, 2022 at 2:09 am | #

        I think that depends on state law — looks like in Indiana both the spouse and the children get a percentage.

        https://smartasset.com/estate-planning/indiana-inheritance-laws

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 4, 2022 at 3:52 am | #

          Absolutely depends on the state. In Texas, half goes to the wife and the rest split evenly between the kids. When my father died, my sister and I had to sign over our half to her. I mean, we didn’t have to, but we had to in order for her to keep everything. It was one of those, for one dollar and the love we do bear her, deals the lawyers generate to justify their existence.

    • anon
      anon
      August 4, 2022 at 2:30 am | #

      depending on where it falls on her morals, i wouldn’t be surprised if amazi-girl had good enough hacking skills to ‘robin hood’ upper class criminals and take their money or so, but that’d be too much of an easy solution (well either way even if she finds another way to pay other than a full scholarship, i think college debt is something ppl have to deal with over the years)

      • Laura
        Laura
        August 4, 2022 at 3:11 am | #

        Definitely have to deal with student loans. For the next 25-30 years, usually, if you are lucky enough to get on a good income-driven debt repayment/forgiveness plan. Usually the interest grows faster than you can make payments on it, so all your payments go to interest, never to principal. Only hope is loan forgiveness.

  10. Laura
    Laura
    August 4, 2022 at 12:14 am | #

    I wonder what Amber means when she says she’s fine, or she’s taken care of, when it comes to tuition?

    • Laura
      Laura
      August 4, 2022 at 12:24 am | #

      Summer after my junior year in college, I went through something somewhat similar to what happened in the strip. Trying to finish out classes after that was… interesting. I managed to pull off one more semester with enough credits to graduate early. But everything turned upside-down shortly after that.

      It takes time. And sometimes, you’re never the same.

      • The Wellerman
        The Wellerman
        August 4, 2022 at 1:12 am | #

        I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Laura. 😥 I hope things are less shakey for you now.

        • Laura
          Laura
          August 4, 2022 at 2:15 am | #

          Thanks, NG. Much better. It’s been decades. I come well-stocked with “Patronus” charms. ;-D

          • milu
            milu
            August 4, 2022 at 7:36 am | #

            trans rights! ✊
            (don’t mind me, just doing some routine exorcism)

            • The Wellerman
              The Wellerman
              August 4, 2022 at 1:32 pm | #

              I personally don’t want to think of it as “exorcism”.

              Demons are cool. Transphobia doesn’t deserve to be associated with them.

              • King Daniel
                King Daniel
                August 4, 2022 at 2:24 pm | #

                Eh, you do you of course, but as someone who personally doesn’t believe demons exist (outside of works of fantasy and art and such, obviously), I’d say there’s nothing wrong with treating demons and demon-like entities as malevolent if one so chooses. It’s not like the concept is limited or original to the Abrahamic religions, after all.

                • milu
                  milu
                  August 4, 2022 at 3:40 pm | #

                  yeah, demons are a pretty versatile cultural symbol.

                  also “exorcism” as applied to JK Terfling’s pre-cancellation magnum opus feels more like a satanist queerpagan witchy ritual than a christian one? anyway, i’m reclaiming it fwiw, along with my teenage experience of the HP series and the quirky and queer fandom it fostered.

                • The Wellerman
                  The Wellerman
                  August 4, 2022 at 5:27 pm | #

                  @King Daniel, yeah i guess that’s true, but i really love demon heroes and anti-heroes too, from legends and myths all over the world. Not because I believe in the supernatural, but because they their aesthetic is awesome.

                  @milu, i think your approach to HP series is very nuanced and interesting! I’m so glad it works for you, but i also acknowledge that it may not work for everyone.

                  For those of you looking for a nice HP substitute, may i recommend the manga / anime Black Clover? It’s REALLY good, and messages against classism are even baked into it!

  11. True Survivor
    True Survivor
    August 4, 2022 at 12:15 am | #

    Yikes.

    • Clif
      Clif
      August 4, 2022 at 4:00 am | #

      I know, right?

      Now the thing is we know Dorothy wasn’t like this before the “conversation” with Danny. Now it could be that, but to be honest, it looks to me like Dorothy just had a devilishly good idea.

  12. TrueVCU
    TrueVCU
    August 4, 2022 at 12:15 am | #

    Dorothy “I am absolutely not using my urge to dote on Joyce as a coping mechanism” Keener

  13. Axel
    Axel
    August 4, 2022 at 12:16 am | #

    *as perfectly as Dorothy thinks she is coping

  14. DailyBrad
    DailyBrad
    August 4, 2022 at 12:17 am | #

    Genuinely really like Joe and Amber’s dynamic as siblings.

    • Joy
      Joy
      August 4, 2022 at 6:13 pm | #

      Me too. :3

  15. Bryy
    Bryy
    August 4, 2022 at 12:20 am | #

    I’m happy they at least are actively talking about the kidnapping this storyline.

  16. Diana Nock
    Diana Nock
    August 4, 2022 at 12:26 am | #

    I’m a tiny bit afraid this is going to lead with Joe and Dorothy having a one-night stand. Hope my intuition is totally wrong!

    • drs
      drs
      August 4, 2022 at 12:34 am | #

      I don’t remember why, but I do remember speculating after the timeskip that Dorothy and Joe had hooked up at some point. Maybe something about her having been with three people, and well Danny, Walky, ????

      If she was feeling lonely and horny, hey, she knows Joe is probably good at sex and good at not getting attached.

      • Megan Rivera
        Megan Rivera
        August 4, 2022 at 4:44 am | #

        I don’t actually think Joe is “good at sex” because most men who sleep around aren’t. I’d actually trust a man who was married for 15 years to be good at sex more than a fuckboy, tbh. Men who care enough to learn how to consistently bring a woman to orgasm are usually way better in bed than men who use women as masturbatory aids to cum in. Usually men that sleep around don’t care enough about their partner to make them orgasm.

        • Badgermole
          Badgermole
          August 4, 2022 at 6:12 am | #

          People who are promiscuous don’t not care about their partners’ pleasure. This is a weirdly conservative take.

          • Megan Rivera
            Megan Rivera
            August 4, 2022 at 6:18 am | #

            I’m not saying *every* man that sleeps around doesn’t care, I’m saying most don’t. There are outliers of course, of men that *do* care, but that’s not the norm at all.

          • Megan Rivera
            Megan Rivera
            August 4, 2022 at 6:20 am | #

            Also, that’s not a “weirdly conservative take”, there’s an orgasm gap between cisgender men and women. There’ve been studies. I’m not pulling this out of my ass. Go check if you don’t believe me.

            • milu
              milu
              August 4, 2022 at 7:43 am | #

              totally, or better yet, between *straight* cisgender men and women.

              women who have sex with women achieve orgasm at about the rate that cis straight men do, for SOME reason 🤷‍♀️

            • Badgermole
              Badgermole
              August 5, 2022 at 1:21 am | #

              I’m well aware of the orgasm gap, thanks. But that’s a non sequitur. There’s no connection between the number of sex partners a person (even a man) has and their willingness to please a partner.

              • Megan Rivera
                Megan Rivera
                August 5, 2022 at 10:29 pm | #

                I think we’re just going to have to agree to disagree then.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          August 4, 2022 at 7:59 am | #

          I wouldn’t even say “most men who sleep around”, but men who treat it like Joe appeared to: focusing on the numbers, the scores rather than the people.

          If you’ve read the slipshines, there’s some evidence for this take. Roz in particular isn’t that impressed.

    • woobie
      woobie
      August 4, 2022 at 12:35 am | #

      What would be wrong with that? Both know each other well, Danny has moved on, ti’d be fine.

      • Alex
        Alex
        August 4, 2022 at 5:24 pm | #

        It just seems like the kind of decision Dorothy might make while she’s in a bad frame of mind and regret later. She has her own hangups around sex and how she will be judged for it, not that they’re completely unjustified.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 4, 2022 at 8:52 pm | #

        It would be fine in a sense. OTOH, she does know Joe well. Or at least did, mostly in his worst horn dog phase. I don’t think she’s got a good grasp on how he’s changed, since she hasn’t interacted much with him since the list incident.

        I don’t think she’d want to be another notch on his bedpost and I suspect she still thinks that’s how he would see it.

  17. StClair
    StClair
    August 4, 2022 at 12:44 am | #

    when she finally loses it, they’re gonna be digging shrapnel out of the walls for weeks.

  18. Kitschensyngk
    Kitschensyngk
    August 4, 2022 at 12:44 am | #

    i am well aware that i have friends who were involved in an on-campus shooting, witnessed a stabbing, got kidnapped, and watched a man die right in front of me

    i’ve just been so busy lately that the shock hasn’t had a chance to register yet

    oh, wait a minute

    yep it’s starting to sink in now

    here it comes

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    • Yumi
      Yumi
      August 4, 2022 at 12:47 am | #

      Dorothy turns to the person nearest to her like, “Hey, has my first semester of college been…fucked up?”

      • The Wellerman
        The Wellerman
        August 4, 2022 at 12:48 am | #

        yeah she’s gonna need a less biased data set.

        • Thag Simmons
          Thag Simmons
          August 4, 2022 at 1:16 am | #

          Yeah, Fuckface doesn’t really have much to say about college life.

          • milu
            milu
            August 4, 2022 at 7:45 am | #

            Fuckface is like, “omg yeah this one human tried to feed me grasshoppers once, i freaked the fuck out”

  19. newlland(Henryvolt)
    newlland(Henryvolt)
    August 4, 2022 at 12:48 am | #

    I wonder if Amber is getting as a freelance programmer, she has more than enough skill and it pays well. It’s what I’m trying to do right now.

    • Laura
      Laura
      August 4, 2022 at 3:15 am | #

      Ooh, yes, my $ is on that theory!

    • Amós Batista
      Amós Batista
      August 4, 2022 at 4:23 am | #

      She’s a streamer, right? Has she already streamed since Halloween?

  20. AbacusWizard
    AbacusWizard
    August 4, 2022 at 12:53 am | #

    aw jeez I’ve seen that sort of grin before and I know how much trauma can hide behind it

  21. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    August 4, 2022 at 12:56 am | #

    I’m assuming that she’ll do the Dorothy thing and deal with it in therapy like a structured healthy adult.

    Mostly because she doesn’t seem as… manic in the present.

  22. C.T. Phipps
    C.T. Phipps
    August 4, 2022 at 12:58 am | #

    I have the weirdest idea that Amber has discovered she’s got thousands of paid subscribers on Twitch.

    Perhaps unaware “Glasses Girl” was a fetish.

    • The Wellerman
      The Wellerman
      August 4, 2022 at 1:14 am | #

      Hey that’s actually a pretty plausible scenario for one of the reasons why her tuition is taken care of.

      • Kyrik Michalowski
        Kyrik Michalowski
        August 4, 2022 at 1:23 am | #

        Maybe Amber has become a VTuber and is “bringing home the bacon” for herself and paying for tuition.

        • The Wellerman
          The Wellerman
          August 4, 2022 at 2:08 am | #

          oooo! I’d LOVE to see her as a VTuber

          BTW do all VTubers speak? Like do any of them have vocal dysphoria?

          • anon
            anon
            August 4, 2022 at 2:34 am | #

            i think part of the appeal of most vtubers are their voices versus not caring about a face reveal/the person behind it more or less and more liking the persona they take on (tho i’m sure there are newer amateur vtubers that have a more ‘chill’ vibe rather than putting on a YouTuber type personality/energy for vids like some bigger ones do)

            Though maybe some could do text to speech? or if they just want an avatar on screen to make expressions while they do something like livestream them drawing or doing like puzzles or gaming with no commentary , it’d prolly be on the rarer side tho

          • powerpowerpow
            powerpowerpow
            August 4, 2022 at 2:51 am | #

            I believe there’s a prominent one named Zentreya who uses “speech-to-text-to-speech.” There are almost certainly several others.

            • The Wellerman
              The Wellerman
              August 4, 2022 at 4:12 am | #

              Thanks. 😊

              I ask because I might do V-tubing one day, and afraid I might not be too appealing as one if I dont use my voice 😪

              • anon
                anon
                August 5, 2022 at 1:18 am | #

                it might make livestreaming harder but cool if someone had a full rig/camera model to where they could do ASL live or so as a reaction, or just have a channel mascot with occasional voice acting

    • Bryy
      Bryy
      August 4, 2022 at 1:31 am | #

      Someone on Twitch getting paid fairly for the amount of work they put into it? That’s how you know this is fiction.

      • Lily
        Lily
        August 4, 2022 at 2:36 am | #

        on the flip side there’s prolly some twitch streamers/yters with more followers/profit than they deserve. i don’t watch any of his stuff so idk the quality of his content but doesn’t ninja have some kinda ‘class’ you can buy that doesn’t teach you anything. tho other than being super passionate about being into being an online personality and getting advice from content creators you respect, i feel like any “How to be a youtuber” class you have to pay for would be a scam lol

  23. Needfuldoer
    Needfuldoer
    August 4, 2022 at 2:34 am | #

    “EVERYTHING IS FINE. NOTHING IS THE MATTER. HALLOWEEN PARTY. YAY.

    [internal screaming]”

    – Dorothy, probably

  24. powerpowerpow
    powerpowerpow
    August 4, 2022 at 2:47 am | #

    I’ve been thinking this for the past week but I really am worries about Dorothy. Part of me has wanted to think it’s just Willis playing up typical high strung Dorothy for laughs but I genuinely read her emotions here as being on the edge of a mental breakdown. I don’t know if Dorothy’s spoken about what happened on Halloween or if she was particularly involved with it, but it’s got me worried for her.

  25. foducool
    foducool
    August 4, 2022 at 3:32 am | #

    the “I’m in a constant state of emotional stress and about to crumble at any time but I just power through” smile
    nice

  26. Blibdoolpoolp
    Blibdoolpoolp
    August 4, 2022 at 4:25 am | #

    Smiles for miles on this girl. But seriously, her ease dropping skills have improved since she started the semester.

  27. Rabisch
    Rabisch
    August 4, 2022 at 6:44 am | #

    Nice to see the caring side of Joe. He just wants his new sister and new future step mother to be good. And now he will be surely worried about Dorothy’s mental health. He just can’t stay indifferent to what surround him♡. But now I’m afraid Amber is using her hacker skills to provide for her and her mother.

  28. EAG46
    EAG46
    August 4, 2022 at 7:25 am | #

    Now I want to see how Halloween affects everyone in the ‘future’ more than what we’ve already seen. After Willis runs this chapter, how will it change/color the rest of what we see?

  29. Eldritchy
    Eldritchy
    August 4, 2022 at 8:19 am | #

    With a smile like that Dotty would trip every Yandere alarm in 10 mile radius.

  30. Stephen Nedland
    Stephen Nedland
    August 4, 2022 at 8:23 am | #

    Oh ya, that’s the face of someone who has healthy coping mechanisms.

  31. Bagge
    Bagge
    August 4, 2022 at 10:59 am | #

    This is fine…

  32. Keulen
    Keulen
    August 4, 2022 at 12:58 pm | #

    I’m sure Dorothy is fine, that’s a very “this is fine” grin there.

  33. UnDrewsual
    UnDrewsual
    August 4, 2022 at 12:59 pm | #

    That is the look of someone who is heading towards a nervous breakdown and soon.

  34. Amós Batista
    Amós Batista
    August 4, 2022 at 2:16 pm | #

    Wish I could be young and thin enough to punch 5000 calories of sugar down my mouth again.

  35. Hof1991
    Hof1991
    August 4, 2022 at 3:16 pm | #

    Probably not a lot of Louise Penny readers on here but she uses Fine a lot.
    Quoted below.

    One of her recurring themes makes me giggle every time. There is the character of Ruth, an elderly, rather rude poet with a pet duck. The title of one of her books is I’m FINE. Gamache’s wife, a librarian, notices that FINE is an acronym (an abbreviation formed from the initial letters of other words and pronounced as a word) and not the adjective fine. So they ask Ruth what it stands for. Her answer: F**cked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Egotistical. From then on, the characters refer to this meaning of I’m fine/FINE fairly regularly.

    • Ed Callahan
      Ed Callahan
      August 4, 2022 at 10:02 pm | #

      You’re probably right, but I’m a huge fan as well, so there’s two of us, at least.

  36. Stanistani
    Stanistani
    August 4, 2022 at 3:59 pm | #

    Joyce appears in today’s strip courtesy of a section of a circle.

    *ponders*

    It’s a well-drawn section of a circle.

  37. the jighole man
    the jighole man
    August 4, 2022 at 7:52 pm | #

    “We can’t all be as healthy as Dorothy.”

    Dorothy: This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine. This is fine.

    I wonder when that bubble is gonna burst.

  38. C.T. Phipps
    C.T. Phipps
    August 4, 2022 at 8:45 pm | #

    Poor Dorothy. I assume we can interpret her stress as being an adrenaline junkie who can’t function after the awesomeness of her kindapping.

    Right?

    🙂

  39. V
    V
    August 4, 2022 at 11:58 pm | #

    I love Joe. That is all!

Who's that guy over there?

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