The Dumbing of Age Book 13 Kickstarter is still going! I promise! We’re about $1,000 away from FREE LUCY MAGNETS!
The Dumbing of Age Book 13 Kickstarter is still going! I promise! We’re about $1,000 away from FREE LUCY MAGNETS!
Joyce and Dorothy's night will end in
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Joyce’s Bar Adventure continues!!! Yippee!!!!
*plays “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles on hacked bar speakers*
“I don’t know. Fly casual.”
“Gronnnk“
Joyce rolling in like, “How do you do, my fellow adults?“
Steve Buscemi approves! (at least, I’m pretty sure he does; he seems like a hip dude)
He would definitely approve. This is the guy who hung out in his neighbourhood in that costume one Halloween, handing out noms.
We need him behind the counter. “It’s a juice and coffee bar, man, like I been tellin’ ya! Martinis are for squares, man.”
That fan art is amazing
Unfortunately, Joyce is overheard by some Film Studies grad students. When Dorothy comes back she has to rescue Joyce from being caught in the middle of an intense debate over which of Grant’s movies is funnier and more quotable, Bringing Up Baby or Arsenic and Old Lace.
Joyce now gets to add prominent Mid-Atlantic accents to her list of bizarre phobias.
Mid-Atlantic Accents are scary, a completely constructed accent is absolutely terrifying to think about
The modern British accent was also artificially constructed elocutionist making money off the newly developing merchant class trying to separate themselves from less wealthy fellow commoners.
What on earth is the “modern British accent”?
From the description, Received Pronounciation. And yes, it’s scary; if I hear someone talking RP I assume they’re either going to foreclose my house or present a documentary at me.
Theres a very good Youtuber about English pronunciation and accents called Dr. Geoff Lindsey (he’s a professor at UCL), who has interesting material about RP. Here’s his video about its catastrophic loss of prestige since 1962: https://youtu.be/jIAEqsSOtwM?si=aecaiXElcmu3V9hm
The phrase “catastrophic loss of prestige” in relation to an accent is funny to me. Oh no, they won’t think I’m as posh anymore! Royston! Royston! Fetch me my fainting couch!
What an excellent link, thank you.
I was a little disappointed he didn’t quote Mandy-Rice Davies’ famous quote during the Profumo trial “well he would, wouldn’t he?” as a hugely significant marker of the death of deference from the working classes to the upper classes. Great video though.
If you’re talking about Received Pronunciation, it’s actually a preservation of the Nottingham accent from centuries ago (the modern Nottingham accent has become very different), because Nottingham was one of the earliest universities. This is how it gained the image of being the accent of the “well educated”.
Arsenic and Old Lace! Because Peter Lorre
Bringing up Baby! Because leopard
The quality of a movie is directly proportional to the amount of cats it features, so I concur.
There’s a cat in Arsenic! “Even the cat’s in on it”.
Granted, the one in Baby is much bigger.
I’ll have one of your finest alcohols, served up and down on the rocks, neat. I’ll take it stirred but not shaken with extra no ice.
“Martini with a twist please.”
“Here’s your martini, and Vader is Luke’s father.”
NOOO!
I’m an adult and I don’t know who Cary Grant is. I guess I could google that, but so could a toddler.
Well I’m not going to be outdone by a toddler! *commences reading wikipedia*
I recognized the name, did have to look it up to confirm he was an actor in primarily BW film.
Homework time! Queue up North by Northwest, you won’t be disappointed.
(James Mason! Martin Landau! Edward Platt from Get Smart!)
I know who he is, but my mental image isn’t of any of the films, but of a series of sketches by impressionist Alistair McGowan in which he shares university digs with Hugh Grant and Richard E. Grant. (The Student Grants.)
Carey would always walk in halfway through the sketch and say “Sorry I’m late, I was being chased through a cornfield by a biplane.”
I thought I knew who Carry Grant is, but then I realized I was thinking of Carrie Underwood… and then upon looking her up to make sure I spelled her name right I realized that actually who I was thinking of was Mariah Carey.
no no, it’s spelt Mariah Carey, but it is pronounced Marie Curie. Easy mistake to make.
of all things she just HAD to bring up taxes when I’m still working to make back that money lost earlier this month ;-;
I enjoy paying taxes. It means other people’s lives don’t get worse, and I’m here for that.
I dunno bruh. Depending on how much of that goes to the US Military, it can (and very often does) make many peoples’ lives worse across the planet.
But eh, beats going to prison. Plus all the more reason for me to continue making people happy by bringing their game projects to life.
https://fiscaldata.treasury.gov/americas-finance-guide/federal-spending/
22% Social Security, 14% Health, 13% National Defense, 13% Interest, 12% Medicare, 11% Income Security.
So 22+14+12+11 = 59% goes to pensions, health care, and welfare.
The Federal Government, budget-wise, is an insurance company with an army; all the rest is fiscally incidental.
And the army is a moving company with guns, which makes it even weirder.
“Armatures talk Tactics.
Professionals talk Logistics.”
Military maxim
“The one who gets there firstust with the mostust wins.”
Military maxim
That was a confederate general who said that, and who later went on to found the Ku Klux Klan… I have random military science fact bouncing around my brain, no wonder people think I’m weird.
What those statistics don’t tell you on their own is that our government has disavowed and even sponsored genocide, unjust wars and human rights violations including the likes of COINTELPRO and MKULTRA, and the Vietnam War on multiple occasions.
I like the new profile pic!
Didn’t recognise you for a moment.
Thanks! It’s a tipsy Reagan Ridley from Inside Job, thought it’d be rather fitting at this point in the storyline ^^
I don’t enjoy paying taxes, I also don’t enjoy washing dishes. But I enjoy some of the effects of both of those. Washing dishes doesn’t have quite as much unnecessary paperwork that can screw me over if I fill it up wrong, but at least corporations and the megawealthy keep getting breaks.
When I was younger I was confused about how many American fictional characters seemed to be self employed, since they all had to go through the same tax hoops as my Dad, a self-employed accountant, and his clients. Then I learned that all Americans have to do this, which is even weirder than the drinking age.
As a salaried employee in the UK, every year I get a letter from HM Revenue and Customs saying “Pay As You Earn hasn’t gone catastrophically wrong this year, so you’re good”, and that’s me paid my taxes.
Oh, wait, and another letter from Highland Council saying they’ve not been informed of any change in my circumstances so they’ve Direct Debited the same council tax as last year.
The reasons the US hasn’t automated taxes for W-2 employees the way many other countries has are:
1. Intense lobbying by tax prep companies who want to charge you to do the (honestly not that difficult) work for you.
2. Grover Norquist, who wants people to dislike filing taxes, which by extension will lead to them disliking paying taxes, so they’ll want to cut taxes, even if the actual mental load of filing taxes is mostly unrelated to the tax bracket system.
Maryland’s tax system, for what it’s worth, is a significant improvement over the IRS’s: if you have an account it’ll remember who you are and who your dependents are, and it will more or less walk you through it, step by step. Not as nice as them just sending you a letter saying “Here’s your MD-502, does everything look right?”, but better than the IRS Free Fillable Forms.
Not only do the tax prep companies lobby congress, but I suspect they also push propaganda directly to the public about how hard and complex taxes are, which is mostly nonsense, unless you’re self-employed or running a business.
and this year the IRS has struck back, it seems
with Direct File plus a group of other free-file options
first thing on their webpage
the cries of the paid preparers have been music to my heart this month
Only for some states, sadly not mine. Did mine with the Free Filable Forms again.
It interests me that I’ve seen more complaints this year that the IRS hasn’t automated taxes the way some European countries have. Almost feels like a response to them introducing the new IRS filing option, but I’m not sure who’d be pushing that line.
I’m a self-employed video game programmer and still have to pay taxes RIP
Same. It’s truly weird to “hate taxes”
Yeah like I hate that they don’t go toward universal health care, subsidized housing, food assistance, disability support, and UBI kind of stuff, but also I like roads and I appreciate what good the lobbyists allow the money to do. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing.
“When the government gives money and opportunities to the Rich and White, it is called ‘subsidies’. When the government gives money and opportunities to the Poor and Minorities, it is called ‘welfare’. But everyone in this country lives on welfare. Suburbia was built with federally subsidized credit. The highways our white collar brothers take to get to the city were built with federally subsidized credit to the tune of 90%. Everyone in this country lives on welfare. The real problem is that all too often we tend to have socialism for the Rich and White, and rustic free market capitalism for the Poor and Minorities.”
— Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
Joyce doesn’t pay taxes yet. Becky will, and they’ll be complicated enough this year she should pay someone to do them. Lucy, Ken, Roz, Sayid, and Asma will. Marcie will and probably has.
Maybe. They’ll all have to file. I doubt any of them made enough to owe, except maybe Marcie – since the others are all part time. Becky’s will depend on what she made from Robin and how the apartment was structured. It was still only a couple of months of work, so it’s not likely to be much.
Your first time is your first time though, however old you are.
Is that all it takes to be an adult? Taxes and knowing who Cary Grant is? Well, I’m an adult and I tick both those boxes so… fair enough!
I find this arc hilarious in the worst way. It took me a minute to why are they freaking out over drinking if they’re clearly over 18, and then I realized they’re not in Puerto Rico (where I’m from). The legal drinking age here is 18. (Although a LOT of clubs you need to be 21)
Right?? Here in Canada it’s 19 in most places, and 18 in a couple of provinces. Either way, by the time most kids in post-secondary are done their second term, they’re old enough to go to bars.
I once hosted a friend who’d moved to the States and her boyfriend who was from there the summer we were 19, and took them out to a pub one evening. I was fine, she was fine; he had never been out drinking and made an absolute fool of himself.
It’s also 18+ in my country for these kinds of night clubs. It also reminds me of an exchange program our school did with Germany. They spent a week in our town, and we spent a week there months later. Turns out that you can buy beers when you’re 16, and my exchange family even told me that “you can’t be in Germany and not try a beer.” Massive culture shock.
*they’re not in a normal country, fixed it for you. Having it at 21 is such a minority. This is wild. Technically my country doesn’t have a drinking age, just a buying age (18) so it’s extra strange for me to see, I’ve been drinking in controlled environments since I was 17. Different setting but the two times I went to college parties I’d walk in and just be handed a jello shot or alcoholic punch or something.
Technically, 21 is the purchasing / public possession age. Consumption laws differ by state. in mine, parents/guardians can give their kids alcohol.
I wonder what a good first alcoholic beverage is if you actually want a first time drinker to enjoy themselves. I know beer is pretty universally known as a bad first drink. I imagine anything too dry is probably also bad, but I’m not a drinker to begin with and could be talking out my ass. Maybe a mixed drink? Like a rum and cola maybe?
Mixed drink or something like a hard cider or “alcopop”, something sweet.
Like a hard lemonade is a pretty low barrier of entry.
Rum and cola (and, I would recommend, a twist of lime juice to make it a cuba libre) is absolutely a good first drink, provided you like cola in the first place.
How do you twist juice?
You twist the lime.
That’s twisted
I thought you put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together
Margaritas would be my suggestion. A mix like a sunset. Basically, something sweet and a small glass so there isn’t much alcohol to help ease one into it
I swear, I respond on mobile only when Becky would be hilarious and/or inappropriate
Rum and coke, wine cooler, screwdriver, or some other juice/soda mixed drink, yeah.
+1 for rum and Coke. Easy to measure, and it’s literally sugar, so it mainly just tastes like Coke. Substitute whatever other soda you’d prefer, in case you’re One Of Those People™.
I may not be representative because my first “I like this” drink was vodka. However, a vodka kamikaze, if they’re using fresh fruit like they bloody well should, is a delight under most circumstances, in no small part because it tolerates shitty well vodka pretty well. (And in my experience you’re more likely to get fresh fruit with bad vodka than good vodka and bottled juice. But that’s just my experience.)
I’m gonna post the recipe for the best mixed drink I’ve personally invented because nobody makes it and ngl it’s a pain in the ass so will never catch on:
a shatterdome chrysanthemum*:
2 parts vodka
1 part barenjager
2 parts fresh white grapefruit juice
1 dollup of fresh black tea, preferably an assam, per person being served
smells like flowers, evocative of actual chrysanthemum (and tea), and tastes like springtime.
(the pita part is the white grapefruit. that shit’s in season for like six weeks a year.)
*yes I invented this in the context of Pacific Rim fandom
shake in ice, serve (predictably) cold. delightful.
This sounds delicious, I really want to try it, but I think Joyce would actually physically die. It would be such a funny and glorious death, though.
Yeah it’s pretty stiff, but it’s not like I’m serving a Long Island Ice Tea here xD
Hadn’t even considered this, but I think Ray’s talking about Joyce’s “food touching other food” thing. Would that apply to mixed drinks?
Hmm, interesting question. As someone not her, I’d kind of think not, because there’d be a unified texture and colour once mixed. But I don’t know!
Recipe for my favorite old fashioned:
2 shots scotch (recipe originally called for Monkey Shoulder, you can probably use anything that’s not complete rot gut but better scotch will give a better result.)
3-5 dashes of chocolate bitters
1 teaspoon of honey syrup (honey mixed with water. Adjust to taste you might like it sweeter than I do.)
Just had one of these with bourbon instead of scotch and sugar and water instead of honey syrup and still good but not AS good a with scotch and honey syrup.
Oh my good friend Barenjager. I encountered THAT one night at an SCA event when I was young enough my knowledge that hard liquor had a higher alcohol content than the beer, wine, hard cider, and mead I normally drank was academic sitting around a bonfire someone passed a bottle of Berenjager and I took the same size slug I would if someone had passed me a bottle of mead or wine. Everyone’s telling me to spit it out, instead I swallow. My memories of that night have many holes in them but I was wise enough to drink nothing but water the rest of the night and nothing bad happened. Wasn’t even hung over the next day, most likely due to the water.
Only other time I’ve been that drunk a guy ten years younger than me in a gaming group I was in at the time goaded me into going shot for shot on undiluted absinthe. Do not go shot for shot with someone on undiluted absinthe. Doing that was the only time I’ve thrown up from drinking other than with red wine which my stomach seems to dislike.
I think it depends a lot on someone’s subjective tastes, as someone who used to drink more, and eased off for health. Knowing what foods/beverages in general someone likes, and being able to sort of test the smells and small sips, is a bit more ideal than this shenanigans ritual…as well as an experienced drinker on hand. Whatever they pick is going to be further comedy. TRULY Rite Of Passage.
Low strength would be one of my recs– like wine coolers, a light wine spritzer, or a half-strength cocktail. Beer is fine for most people who like bitter things and who’ll eat plain fresh breadmaker bread. People who like coconut and ‘tropical flavor’ desserts and slushies might enjoy a frozen pina colada. That kinda thing. There’s options for strong sour/bitter/spicy/mix/etc preferences. You can even actively discuss this with a bartender and ask for recs.
It’s stereotypical, but I think sweet, uncomplicated, and without any weird tang to it like a bellini (weak fizzy wine + fruit juice) is ideal for a newb who’ll gladly drink soda. This is unisex. I like beer enough to drink non-alcoholic kinds for the flavor, but most people do not actually like beer.
Hope that makes sense lol. Things I’ve taken into account for drinking recs before and found useful.
I WANT to say like, in comic context. Joyce is Boxed Mac And Cheese Ritual Autistic, so nothing with cheap vodka, cheap hard liquor in general, things like the citrus liqueurs that include peel oil, or wine coolers is going to be good on her. Mixes with familiar sodas that she’s not used to having mixed will also be Taste Bud Uncanny Valley. Watch me be hilariously wrong, though, while she goes all in on that rum and cola.
If you only sip at it and have no more than two something that’s more a desert than a drink like a kahlua and cream (or for more of a kick the Dude’s favorite White Russian) would go nicely. If you start downing them like soda because they taste sweet and delicious you are going to have a bad night and worse morning though.
Of course in this context, Joyce isn’t going to ask the bartender for recommendations for a first time drinker, since she’s so self-conscious about having snuck in.
The problem with a mixed drink, especially one that tastes too much like candy or whatever, is it’s harder to gauge how much you’re drinking. I would say a beer, like Blue Moon.
If a cocktail, something to sip, not drink like a normal drink. Like an Old Fashioned or Manhattan. It should definitely feel like alcohol.
The other problem is that sweet drinks (and even wine) tend to lend themselves to bad hangovers and/or gut-rot. Gotta make sure you balance them out with plenty of water.
The stuff they call schnapps, here in US. Sweet, usually strongly flavored, meant to be sipped from small glasses. I’ve already been told it’s nothing like what you get in Europe, so no need to snicker at me.
But not the cinnamon stuff — too fierce for a first experience.
strawberry daiquiri! or whatever other fruit you like. or a hard lemonade, those are my go-tos.
The first drink I was able to tolerate was a Colorado Bulldog, and it’s still my favorite. The only problem is that I generally have to explain what it is anytime I want to order one, LOL.
nobody else seems to have addressed this issue, so i shall:
a sweet sangria’s the only thing so far i’ve found for which i physically almost cannot taste the alcohol in it
and alcohol, if you’re not ingrained to it already, tastes BAD
thus, that would be my recommendation for Ms. First-Time Alcohol-Drinker here
–Dave, no, beer does NOT taste like grain. it tastes like ALCOHOL. yes, even 2.3 beer. (the young among you can look that up.)
I was surprised to read so few mentions of wine. Sangria is a great option. There are also sweet-tasting varieties of wine, if you don’t want a mixed drink. I remember drinking wine mixed with honey as a teenager, tasted great but the hangovers sucked.
you put the wine in the coco-nut
you drink it all up
Brandy old fashioned sweet.
Well, sticking with the Cary Grant theme we could have an Arsenic & Old Lace cocktail.
https://www.diffordsguide.com/cocktails/recipe/5167/arsenic-and-old-lace
Amaretto sour (provided one is not allergic to almonds :P).
The Hurricane cocktail is also notorious for being able to be super boozy but – if you make it right – also taste like nothing more than tropical fruit punch.
I sometimes like to make me somethin called a Tokyo Sunset —
It’s one part saki, one part cherry kool-aid (or your at least reasonably sweet liquid of choice). Drink and enjoy your dusk XD
other than for the purpose of getting drunk i wouldn’t wanna force myself to have beer as an ‘acquired’ taste (compared to coffee and even then i like those strawberry frappe drinks that tastes more like a smoothie/milkshake than a coffee lol), but i’ve had some made to order cocktails that are good likie strawberry margaritas or a choco-coffee liqueuer (there was a hot apple cider that looked interesting but i didn’t get it that time ), tho i think stuff like that that are ‘fruity/girly’ or ironically stronger (or it’s some kinda cultural ‘trick’ to get women drunk faster lol)
Madeira.
I was better at this as a homeschooled fundie kid, but that’s less fuckin’ hilarious than this. I’ve also absolutely had this experience secondhand with people who’d just gotten old enough, but were still freaking out.
Joyce famously has a very normal level of anxiety.
her freakout will certainly not inspire a local dance craze
I was very much like this the first time I went into a pub on my own (UK pubs are often general social spaces, so it’s legally and socially acceptable to take your kids there and feed them fizzy drinks and crisps — although whether it’s actually a good idea absolutely depends on the pub). And I was a) of age and b) not even trying to buy alcohol! Somehow, that made it worse: “Oh, god, they won’t believe I’m 18 because I’m ordering a Coke like an actual child.”
Dorothy’s right, beer is the least interesting kind of alcohol. Fruity-flavored shit all the way.
Now it’s curious to know what kind of effect it would have on Joyce if she were to drink one.
Cary Grant? Really? Passing as a senior may be ideal, but not THAT kind of senior XD
I feel like the Brown parents were probably the kind of parents who would be likely to mostly show their kids films that were already around when they were kids, since stuff back then was Untainted by the Woke Liberal Politics and Whatnot and it was a known quantity for them.
(Which is not to say that liking old movies and wanting to show them to your kids is inherently a mark of conservatism, of course. I quite enjoy Arsenic and Old Lace myself)
*plays “Oom Pah Pah” from Oliver! The Musical*
I’d say this is another case of Willis being in their 40s (and tbf a lot of their audience is probably of that generation too).
I assure you Cary Grant was no more popular or well-known among the twenty-something set when people our age were in college.
i’m sure that’s true but it would’ve been more “parent-coded” then than it is now. Being close to 40 myself i wouldn’t quite know what would track as a better joke-reference (Richard Gere? Patrick Swayze? idk), but Cary Grant feels a bit, as it often does, like these presumed teenagers are being puppeteered by a middle-aged 80’s kid. Which they are. and that’s fine. it’s just funny to me when commenters rush for in-story rationalizations when Occam’s razor suggests “meh”
also there’s definitely a subset of kids Joyce’s age who will know who Patrick Swayze is but specifically because of his very unusual role in To Wong Foo, where he and Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo all really really commit to different kinds of trans* characters.
Like I dunno about you, but despite being way too young for The Rocky Horror Picture Show to be remotely current, I had definitely seen it at Joyce’s age.
I don’t think there’s really been the same type of big generational divide in media since like… the late 80s. VHS and DVDs and then streaming services really did a number on our ability to assume that a given reference is too old for a believable teenager to make.
But hey we are entering a new friggin dark age where movies and TV shows can just EVAPORATE FOREVER because a studio wants a tax break and nothing is getting released on DVDs right now, so pretty soon we’ll have a whole new crop of Lost Media that only still exist because people made illicit copies, and then it’ll be like “Joyce can’t possibly have watched that show, Warner Bros nuked it from orbit a month after release and her parents would never have let her pirate anything”.
To some extent VHS & DVDs did, but at the same time, not being tied to the regular reruns of old movies on TV (or later on cable) also changed a lot of those assumptions.
“I don’t think there’s really been the same type of big generational divide in media since like… the late 80s.”
i mean… do you hang around younger people? i don’t much, but whenever i do, it always turn out that they’re not watching the same stuff i was watching at their age.
Yes? Yes I do. X3
But I’m not saying young people as a monolith are watching the same media we did when we were 18, I’m saying it’s hard to decisively say what any given young person will or won’t have been exposed to, because the giant generational wall that used to exist
(when you were much more beholden to what was in theaters or playing on the radio or on your local TV stations (whether in its original run or in reruns))
doesn’t exist anymore, because your parents have much easier access to the media of their own childhoods to share with you, and your friends’ parents to share with them, whereupon they might share that with you.
But again, with how streaming platforms are currently setting fire to their inventories for tax breaks, the era of “who cares what’s actually on TV right now, my mom loves Star Trek and I can easily queue up the original series to watch that and fall in love with characters from the 60s and 70s” might be coming to an end.
Like, Star Trek TOS is an acquired taste I tried and failed to acquire in my 30s, but I never had the chance in my childhood to fall in love with it the way I did with TNG and DS9. And these days, kids do have that chance, and some of them do fall in love with it.
Heck, look at the Tumblr Dracula fandom. Access to old media doesn’t guarantee kids will love it, but they do have much more of an opportunity than we did when we were their age, and we had more opportunity than our parents, whose childhoods predated VCRs and VHS.
Eh. I mean, I knew who Cary Grant was when I was much younger than Joyce, because my grandmother loved his movies and shared them with me. Even pre-Netflix, there were whole channels devoted to old movies. Arsenic and Old Lace is a personal favorite, and I recently subjected my girlfriend to it.
Also I don’t think the Doylist explanation is really “Willis is in their mid-40s and forgot Joyce didn’t grow up in the 80s”, I think it’s “this webcomic works on a sliding time scale so no matter how perfectly Willis handles Joyce’s pop culture knowledge, it’ll be wrong in a few years, and they deliberately picked something Extra Classic that would be too old for Joyce right now, and therefore always the same amount of wrong”.
On the other hand, pop culture stopped producing new things in the mid 2000s, and almost everything produced since then has been a remake, reboot, or sequel. It’s almost like the real world runs on comic book time for this one particular aspect.
???
that’s silly. sure there’s a reboot epidemic in hollywood, but pop culture at large has kind of never been so vibrant and diverse?
This is much more true of blockbusters than anything else.
Yeah, I’m definitely an adult, but I barely know who Cary Grant is. I’m curious about that as Joyce’s go-to reference (aside from “this is something Willis thought”)– does she know who Cary Grant is, and maybe she learned as a kid and it made her feel mature? Does she not know who Cary Grant is but she heard the name, was too scared to ask, and figured it was something mature people would know? Did she Google “how to appear old” and he was on a list? Is she Cary Grant in disguise? Much to ponder.
Joyce turning out to be Cary Grant in drag (which would not be the first time for him) is now my vote for Patreon bonus comic.
Or Slipshine.
I don’t remember being this nervous getting into bars as a minor
Then again my uni had a couple of bars where minors could get in for a cover and a no drink stamp and our roommate who was inexplicably 27 snuck us drinks.
I honestly am waiting, on some level, to see if that a gag involves those being no-drink stamps because I’m more used to having seen those around. But I didn’t go to that kind of venue much as an adult in the States, or in general.
People under 21 are not allowed in bars at all in Indiana, so there would be no need for that kind of stamp. [Restaurants with bars, like Applebees or whatever, have an inner threshold that they’re not allowed to cross, though people sitting outside that area are allowed to order alcohol]
Is it that rare for people to start uni later in the US?
University’s expensive – if you don’t have scholarships and don’t want to live with near-lifelong crushing debt, maybe you give uni a pass for a while until you have the cash flow for it. (And then maybe, like me, you just don’t ever do it.)
It’s pretty rare. It’s even rarer for people that much older to move into dorms or otherwise room with 18 year old college students.
Honestly, they might not even necessarily trip too many alarms since they might just come off like sheltered dorks. Which, they kinda are, but I meant a few years older.
That’s a good point. They’re trying to act like they know how all this works but logically, if the first time you go to a bar is when you’re 21, it’s still the first time you’ve gone to a bar.
You do wonderfully Joyce. Nobody will suspect anything
reminding me of the first time I ordered in a bar and that taxes are due soon. >:(
There probably are beers she would like. This feels like a Dorothy thinking she knows better despite limited experience sort of thing. Plus if you’re not familiar with your limits, beer is better to learn with than whatever else they’d be getting. Don’t get a beer-weiser though, especially bar prices.
I think it’s best for Joyce to start with a non-alcoholic beer.
With Dorothy, as far as we know, she has some control with wine and beer, but we already saw that what Ruth gave her in a single sip left her knocked out.
Some NA beers are actually pretty decent.
She’d prolly prefer a sprite cocktail, maybe rum and coke? Tho depending on how strong it is, idk if it’s worth finishing, maybe i just don’t like vodka but i think i had a ‘lemonade’ kind that was ok the first few sips but most of it tasted like cleaning fluid afterwards//the alcohol taste gets stronger after halfway for some things but i’d be the type to have like just one drink to go with a meal if i’m out with someone as opposed to going to a bar just specifially to drink
There are some Belgian fruit beers that I, as a hater of beer, find honestly okay. (It’s more fun to bake with them, tho’ it’s been ages since I’ve even done that.)
It seems unlikely that “college bar that serves undergrads” venues would have those. But you never know!
Don’t beers usually have a displeasing taste for the uninitiated? I don’t really drink but I’ve had a beer in my time and never enjoyed them. Part of why I didn’t get into drinking is because I started with beer and as a naive youngster I assumed all alcoholic drinks tasted like that. Only much later did I actually discover there is fun to be had. I could see a beer turning Joyce off real quick.
Yup, I can actually confirm what you say, I also took a sip of a beer and told myself “no alcohol for me, NEVER EVER”.
Some time later, a friend of my dad’s started selling homemade wine and he wanted us to try it, he didn’t want to look rude and I tried it and, wow, a natural sweet taste with the obvious taste of alcohol, however, I don’t drink alcohol, I work As a waiter and I have seen the different reactions that alcohol provokes in certain people, of course some have great resistance worthy of envy.
not all beers. they have different tastes. Generic pilsner or a hoppy beer would be a bad first go. My first beers were wheat beers and stouts.
Blue Moon is a “Belgian style” wheat beer that’s got a consistent taste and widely available in the US (because it’s made by Coors).
I could see Joyce liking cream porters, maybe because that’s the type my sister prefers. Actually most of my siblings like them well enough, it’s the “nobody will be left out if we get this pack” flavor for family gatherings.
She’d probably have an AAL or golden ale no problem, too.
IPAs are too bitter, and dark stouts are an acquired taste. (I tried Guinness, and the whole time my brain was screaming “this is rotten, you shouldn’t be drinking it”.)
It’s the hops. Usually very shitty hops at that because it’s cheaper. Bitter with few other notes. Overwhelms any other flavor the beer might have, and your Coors or Budwiser or Michelob or Pabst generally doesn’t have much flavor other than the hops.
Now a good crafts beer that focuses on the hops will usually have better hops with piney notes to them but the flavor would probably still be bitter and overwhelming to people not used to beer.
Joyce, you did kinda force Dorothy’s hand to make this thing happen rather quickly. There was probably more time between realizing Dorothy is spiraling and going to her that you could have spent doing this research.
Start with hard cider, or an alcoholic soda like Mike’s. Save the mixed drinks and shots for if you decide you actually like drinking and want to continue to get drunk.
Just don’t drink beer.
Indeed, something simple and non-lethal and later it will be Joyce’s decision if she wants to continue at the extreme level.
tbh, I’m kind of confused by multiple people saying yes to hard cider but no to beer.
Hard cider tastes better. Beer is a bit of an acquired taste.
Or at least: cider generally still tastes recognisably of apples. Beer tastes of… well, fermented bread made very very happy, which can be a puzzler for the uninitiated.
Points of reference are useful when trying new stuff, I guess? I’ve got a plate of feijoa skins beside me right now, and I wouldn’t know where to begin explaining the taste to anyone. (other than: I NEED TO EAT THE ENTIRE TREE BEFORE ANY GO OFF.)
Well, mostly apples…
(Sorry, but I have gone so long since I last made a Discworld reference.)
Joyce should definitely not start with scumble!
Yes, I am aware that’s what people are saying. And it confuses me because my experience is that most cider has a quality to it that is very much like a kind of beer that someone tastes and goes “yuck, all beer must taste like that, I will never drink beer again”.
Like if you want something that tastes like apples, that’s putting bourbon in sweet cider.
Right? I can understand avoiding IPAs and stouts, but lighter, maltier ales and lagers are pretty approachable.
I can mostly blame a childhood spent drinking sugary drinks, and there’s not really any drinks I would describe as savory that I like (I start at water and only go sweeter for drinks), but I’ve never had a beer that didn’t taste like beer. Maybe my aversion comes from visits to my older brothers’ frat house after parties where all 3 stories reeked of cheap beer, but even the milder, more additive-flavor-forward beers still taste like it, and it’s never been a pleasant taste.
I’ve been legally drinking for the last decade (I was a law-abiding American and waited until I was 21) and even the janky fruity microbrew stuff my family and friends have had me try still ends with “Well, that certainly was a beer.” If the entire genre can’t avoid that note, I struggle to think of why I’d ever recommend that form of alcohol when there are so many others that actually taste good.
Maybe no beer matches your taste, and that’s fine, and you don’t even have to try any others, but “cheap frathouse beer”, “beer that is somehow milder than american pilsner but then with additives for flavor”, and “fruity microbrews” aren’t a good sampling. When a microbrew is like, “let’s add some grapefruit flavoring” they are looking for gimmicks and can’t even think of a good one.
Mine’s worse, it’s all NA. I was mostly looking for something to have with dinner besides soda and Kool-Aid. Apparently I’m also more sensitive to bitter than average (go team “cilantro tastes like soap”), so that might skew things.
Liked and would buy again: Coors Edge (light, corn-y, mildly sweet), Busch NA (not much flavor, but “an cheap macro swill”) Corona NA (bittersweet), Sam Adams Gold Rush (favorite of the bunch)
Okay, probably won’t buy again: Heineken 0.0 (basically more expensive Busch NA), Athletic Upside Dawn (grassy)
Didn’t like: Guinness 0 (tasted like rot), Athletic Lite (bitter, grassy), Sam Adams Just the Haze (sour Juicy Juice)
Haven’t tried yet: O’Doul’s, O’Doul’s Amber, Kaliber
My first ever drink (I once handed back a glass of real champagne given to me by my father on NYE because I wasn’t 21) was a Heineken on my 21st birthday. Took exactly one sip then passed the bottle to a friend.
I’m with Schpoonman on this. All beer has the same basic nasty taste to me. I can taste some of the other stuff in the fancier ones, but they’ve all got the same basic flavor. As do other fermented things like hard cider or hard lemonade or whatever. Wine has a similar, but slightly different nastiness.
Distill it though and I’m happy. Good whiskey or rum or various mixed drinks – not necessarily the kind where the sugar/fruit covers up the alcohol.
Spent years during college and after having beer snob friends getting me to try their favorites with no success.
I joke that beer is unfinished alcohol. Only fermented, not properly distilled.
I assure you, I’ve had a very wide sample (because how dare I not drink beer?), they all taste like beer. I get a very very very slight hint of the fermentation in ciders and other drinks like thejeff described, and the more dry the stronger that flavor, but we’re straying into “What’s your favorite NBA team?” “I hate basketball, and I don’t watch any sports besides.” “Yeah, but what’s your favorite team?” territory.
“you don’t have to like beers or even try beers” territory.
“How old are you?”
“I’ve seen Workers Leaving the Lumiere Factory. At the Kinetoscope parlor.”
“You get our most senior discount!”
Okay, but that last panel is the sort of shit I would say, and I’m about to be 30, lol
I’m re-reading the strip and this confirms that they needed a third member here, Sal in this case
next strip a background-peopum turns around and it’s Sal
cue montage of various facial expressions
all Sal’s
“I am an adult! I have the mortgage and the insurance and the male pattern baldness!”
be interesting if there was a cafe bar section too since just being the ‘designated driver’ or drinking ‘straight black coffee’ is also an Adult(TM) thing to do lol
Here’s some basic bongo drinks for people new to bars to try. There’s a whole world of drinks beyond beer. You’re welcome to whomever needs this.
Rum and coke. Rum is sweet, coke is sweet, it’s basically candied alcohol. Incredibly simple and incredibly cheap. My usual place does em for 5 dollars, cheaper than most beers.
Old Fashioned. Bitter and sweet, but you won’t taste the alcohol as much behind the mixer.
Margaritas. Good pair with greasy or fried food if you’re at a food serving kind of bar, especially if you take yours salted.
Moscow mule. Must like citrus and strong ginger flavors, but it has a very unique flavor from the ginger beer you won’t get from other mixed drinks. Plus the copper mug gimmick is a conversation starter.
Things to avoid if you’re new to mixed drinks
Long Island Iced Teas. You will get hilariously fucked up before you realize how strong it is.
Most things with Tequila. It will fuck you up and it tastes like turpentine.
Fancy complicated shit with a gorillion ingredients, you won’t be able to pin point what components you enjoy and the bartender will not be happy putting it together.
Oooh, I haven’t had a Moscow Mule in ages. Good recommendation though, they’re great.
Mules are one of my favorites. Enough so that I bought copper mugs for them.
Rum and Coke is my favorite! I just about never drink at bars or restaurants tho, they way cheaper if you fix them up yourself! :9
Sometimes I substitute the coke with Dr Pepper or even cherry kool-aid if it late in the afternoon and don’t want that much caffeine.
Old Fashioned because it doesn’t taste too strong like alcohol, but it does taste some like alcohol. I think it’s important to be reminded of that, so you don’t just down like 6 shots worth of 100 proof alcohol because it’s masked in a several caffeinated sugary drinks. Especially if you don’t know your limit or how long it takes for you to feel the booze.
Important information for those like me, who are dipping their toes in later in life!
Recommendations saved for later.
Aside from the base spirit (usually whiskey) the “mixer” for an old fashioned is a very small amount of simple syrup (technically a small amount of sugar mixed with a small amount of water but at a bar it’s just easier for them to grab their bottle of simple) and a few dashes of bitters with an orange wedge and cherry as the garnish. You are very much going to taste the alcohol in that. Just with a hint of sweetness and some herbs depending on what kind of bitters is in it.
“I’m an adult! I know who Cary Grant is!”
Ok grandma, let’s get you to bed.
I never drank until my 21st, for a variety of reasons, some dumb, others not so much.
But I didn’t want it to be a big occasion, so I ordered casually at the bar with my sister (my siblings wanted to be there), and apparently so casually that she (figuratively) had the thought plastered on her face for a good second and a half, “Has he done this before?”
Everyone’s forgetting that Joyce can’t have mixed drinks because they have two or more different ingredients touching.
They’d have to be mechanically separable ingredients to count, which means at most Joyce would have to remove a cherry or olive. If it was otherwise Joyce also wouldn’t be able to drink soda.
so you’re saying that sometimes she _is_ part of the solution
–Dave, this situation certainly did not develop with precipitate haste
It’s more that they’re conceptually separable ingredients, I think, but I don’t really get how this works for her.
If she thinks of it as one drink, it’s fine. If she’s thinking of it as two separate things mixed together it might not be.
Or it’s more that she’s just not good with new things in general, in which case all of this is an issue.
Or maybe her thing just doesn’t apply to drinks at all – except maybe as you suggest things like cherries or olives in them.
I feel sorry for the guy on the right in the final panel who just looks utterly horrified by the whole thing.
I don’t know or give a fuck who Cary Grant is. I assume she’s a country singer and that’s the end of that. What I do know and give a slight dang about is, Joyce doing that with her jacket is silly and makes her look like she’s already had a drink or two. I’m sure the “I made sure to pre-game before coming out” behavior is going a long way.
Cary Grant (vs biplane). HTH!
If the link is to a picture of said person, please re-read the first sentence, which was primarily meant to be the setup for the jacket thing.
Nah, you’re safe, that was Gary Cooper. This is Cary Grant.
What I don’t get is why would a country singer be wearing a jacket in England in the first place? It never gets cold there.
Joyce and Dorothy are in Indiana, not England.
well sure but Indiana was an english colony back when Cary Grant was a thing
Pull out your phones and look up “first time at a bar”, yo. This is the internet age, there’s tutorials for fucking everything
These girls need to hang out with some Slavs, they desperately need to learn disrespect for the law and government.
haha fr tho
once in Greece i stopped at a roadside café and asked if it was ok if i ate my sandwich on their terrace, which was empty just then. the barmaid was indignant and went, “this is Greece. Do what the fuck you want” XD
As a non-American all this stuff about underage alcohol and bars paranoia looks more SF to me than all the superhero/alien/multiverse Walkyverse thing.
Word.
Dangit, I’m on my phone and I think I just accidentally reported your comment. I don’t know if there’s a way to un-report it ^^u
Murderer
Assassin, if you don’t mind.
I am forcibly removed from the comment section
Don’t worry, it’s really easy to click the wrong link, I see it happening a lot in the comments section.
Every couple of days for the past like two years, even.
The only bisexual icon I’m seeing is Joyce and Dorothy struggling together to get drunk.
icon is perhaps a bit much. bisexual sketch? bisexual scribble?
bisexual emoji (animated)
Some of you are either forgetting or unaware of the sheer determination a first booze experience could require. You didnt have a choice – you just drank whatever hooch magically found its way to the party. It was awful and disgusting and YOU DIDNT CARE. The point wasn’t to drink something “enjoyable” – the point was to experience this magical state of “drunkenness” that you had heard about.
When I was 17 (Northeast USA, so 21 was the legal age), I went to a party at a friends house. I choose to intentionally get drunk for the first time, and it was on a horrible combination of absolute garbage that’s only commonality was that someone was able to acquire it.
– Mr. Boston Vodka with Snapple Iced Tea and the original pale green “citrus” Gatorade mixers
– some Coors light tallboys
– Bartles & James wine coolers of unknown berry flavor.
It was absolutely disgusting from a flavor perspective, especially when some of us tried just adding water to our “beverages” as a way to stay somewhat hydrated. I think we saw that as just a rite of passage – something awful you had to go through to earn your way into “the good stuff” (whatever that would be).
I didnt try getting an actual drink at an actual bar until I was of legal age, and at that point I had 4 years of practice, learning what I liked, what was socially acceptable, so I could impress the fudge out of everyone when I ordered it. Other patrons would turn in awe, and the bartender would nod with a relieved smile, “A Jack Daniells… and a ginger ale? Fine choice sir! Truly. What a relief and joy to have someone who has elevated themselves past a rum and coke. Welcome to The Club!”
Or something like that.
First time I drank, it was a shot of some nasty-ass brown sugar bourbon given to me by a pedophile. I was 21 at the time though, so it wasn’t illegal.
My first drunk was big sister of a friend’s graduation (gymnasiet, sweden) while I got to get sips from my big sis (our entire family was invited) All the adults at the party got so wasted they let their guard down and let all the teens just take over/finish off drinks. At one point at the line to the bathroom an adult wanted to give me her drink because she didn’t want to bring it in and I had to tell her I had already had enough to drink and she forgot she needed to pee and started to praise how mature I was for actually saying no..then I had to ask her to please just go because my bladder was bursting.
Both my parents drank so we had to walk home which was about 10 km at 3 in the morning, all taxis were busy because it was the night of graduation. My little sister (12 at the time) was the only one sober and man she tore into all of us for her having to walk when she didnt get a single drop
this is going very wekk
i agree with this comment whokeheartedky
As a grown adult this would also be how I acted if I walked into a bar or any other kind of establisment thay sold alcohol since I don’t really do it, so I think this is fine.
Wonder if slightly intoxicated Joyce will later approach Joe for sexytimes and get turned down.
(Austin Powers voice) “No, baby, you’re drunk! It wouldn’t be right!”
Personally I hope that someone will call Joe to pick her up and he’ll carry her back to the dorm thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
I find it funny that even though they’re both panicking, Dorothy’s more concerned about the club they’re at rather than something happening to her, and the fact that she’s not concerned about herself is the whole reason Joyce brought her out in the first place.
I thought Dorothy was pointing it out as a “Nah, they won’t rat us out to the cops, they’ll probably just boot us out the door” kinda thing.
Joyce is the only one panicking about them getting caught/arrested. Dorothy’s currently worried that if she and Joyce get caught, the club will lose their liquor licence.
Yeah that’s a way to reassure Joyce that they won’t get arrested because the club wouldn’t risk telling the police they let two underage drink there.
Allow me to address the anxieties underlying your concerns, rather than try to answer every possible question you might have left unvoiced.
I don’t agree with your interpretation of today’s comic strip, and repeating yourself doesn’t make me agree with you.
Counterpoint: Dorothy says the thing about the liquor license, then immediately follows it up with “no, shut up, BOTH of us”.
I think you’re both right, in that Dorothy was expressing an anxiety about the bar’s liquor license rather than reassuring Joyce, but I also think Dorothy is less panicky by the end of the strip. (I guess we’ll find out for sure if she managed to quash her own nerves later.)
… closeup on stubbled bartender when?
you gotta know the name of at least one alcohol joyce
they probably don’t have buckfast because america and I doubt she could handle that
unless her parents were super strict a bout it on top of the religious thing i can imagine maybe one or both of them would’ve had a glass of wine with dinner on weekends, if not his dad ‘indulging’ in a scotch or so or some ‘stereotypical older dad’ drink or so
although even as someone old enough to drink if i were to go to one, unless my friend offers to pay (and even then i prolly wouldn’t have more than two) i’d prolly pick whatevers the cheapest lol
Dorothy’s nervously taking off and putting on her gloves, which might be unintentionally drawn, but still extremely relatable.
When I first read this, I read it as “Cary Elwes,” which was hilarious.
Looking forward to the “Dumbing of Age: Prisonites” women in prison spinoff webcomic.
“they’re made out of solid PRISONIUM, you don’t _understand_, Doctor!”
Opens with Joyce scooping some lady’s eyeball out with a rusty spoon.
I think Joyce would have a much better time watching a Cary Grant movie.
I should watch a Cary Grant movie tonight.
Ah, but do you know who Yul Brynner is and why he is the only one not in the show/chess championship in Bangcock. Sure, not as old, but old enough. If you get the reference.
Just because I get the reference doesn’t mean I know what the reference in the reference was. I can feel old people laughing next to me ♪♫
One night in Hooch Place makes a hard Joyce humble?
Let us hope that the bar does not become her new temple (church). Nah, really not likely.
All they need now is Danny showing up to warn them of the consequences
Danny is in the band
it is a swing jazz band
Tell the bartender “I have come to find out about drinking.” Or “I’d like some kind of hard cider, what’ve you got?” if you feel less bold.
Kickstarter slowing down right before Lucy is unlocked. Readership giving off Forest quad vibes.
What residence to Joyce and company live in again? I don’t quite have all the locations down at IU.
(but nonetheless this knowledge will be essential for making fan games)
Main cast live in Read. Lucy lives in Forest.
Thanks bruh. You saved me the time of having search the comic for that knowledge!
Now on to the more difficult task of making an advanced GUI system that’ll be prove performant in Web Assembly…
I may have a lot of notes, if you need more details… the dorms are not identical to the real ones.
Lucy magnet unlocked. I wonder if Carol is going to be one of the surprise magnets.
i generally stay away from the antagonists because i’m not sure anybody would pay money to have them on their fridge
no antagonists except Laundry Dorothy. Zing! #l’esprit d’escalier
Nix the beer, you don’t really want something bitter. Have an appletini, easy on the tini.
Been watching Charade a ton recently, always fun to see George Kennedy from Naked Gun in it too.
I really like how colorful the background is. It feels like they’re somewhere they don’t usually go.
nothing like shouting ‘i’m an adult’ in a public bar. Tho it would be funnier if you were visibly like 50+ or so XD
My first time I was underage in a bar [that didn’t have special underage nights] I had to pee. So I went to the doorman and told him so. He looked doubtful. “Here. Hold onto my purse. I’ll go use the bathroom, then come back out and get my purse. I can’t try and buy anything without money, can I?” “Well, okay.” I think I even gave the doorman a dollar for letting me pee and holding my bag. [It was 1991] I hope Joyce and Dorothy manage to survive their night with dry pants and at least some dignity.